


Shining light

by tsk_heartless_anime_simp



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2 love interests, Akaashi Keji - Freeform, Akaashi is a simp, Angst, Asahi Azumane - Freeform, Bad Parenting, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Karasuno, Kuroo Tetsurou - Freeform, Mentioned Tendou Satori, Mentioned Tsukishima Kei, Original Character(s), Protective Sugawara Koushi, Rape, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, Unplanned Pregnancy, Ushijima Wakatoshi - Freeform, akaashi is amazing, bokuto koutarou - Freeform, mr loverman :(, poor maya :(, sugawara koshi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 70,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29236053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsk_heartless_anime_simp/pseuds/tsk_heartless_anime_simp
Summary: This is a Sugawara Koshi and Akaashi Keiji fic :9
Relationships: Mc/sugawara Mc/akaashi oc/asahi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

“I am Maya Gonzalez, I am from Kaisei Academy. Thank you for making me your setter”. I bowed and heard a few applause and welcomes from the other teammates. At least I can tell my mom that I joined karasuno’s girls volleyball team and maybe she’ll be proud of me for once, I rolled my eyes to myself. I only joined this team to be out of my house, I don’t really care for this sport.  
Gonzalez Maya Karasuno High school 1st year class 1 Position: setter Height: 170.18 cm Weight: 52.16 kg Birthday: March 23rd Favorite Food: anything sweet Current concern: can people leave her alone. The coach wasted no time and had us start practicing right away. I watched the ball being hit from the other side of the court waiting for it to get to me. The ball was spiked and was heading my way, I stared as I was getting ready to hit it but one of my teammates came from behind me to try and hit it too. I sighed and moved away and let her get the ball. She missed. We lost the point.  
“GONZALEZ!” The coach yelled out. I rolled my eyes and dragged myself to the coach. “What is going on? You need to get your head into the game”. The coach was stern. “Yes coach” I said in an uninterested tone. I can’t believe I got yelled at on the first f*cking day, what the hell goes on. We’re just practicing I don’t see why she had to get so upset.  
I sat out for the rest of practice for today. I walked into the locker room to change out of my volleyball uniform and as I was doing so I saw the girl who missed the ball. “That was kind of embarrassing wasn’t it?” She closed her eyes and moved her hand behind her head. I continued changing my clothes. “You’re Maya Gonzalez right?”... she cleared her throat. “I’m Niko Wantanbe, it’s nice to meet you” she gave a small smile. I just nodded my head as I pulled my shirt on. She seemed to feel awkward due to my silence. Interacting with people isn’t really my thing so I stay to myself. People hurt people and the solution to that is, just to stay away. If you stay away from people then they can’t hurt you right?  
Watanabe Niko Karasuno high school 1st year class 1 Position: Libero Height: 149.86 cm Weight: 45.35 kg Birthday: August 10th Favorite food: crêpes Current concern: she could never remember how many sets a team needs to win the match. When I was walking out of the school building I was getting lost in the dark and dangerous alleyway I call my brain. I wasn’t paying any attention to my surroundings and I felt myself hit something and fall backwards. I landed on my book bag as it was a cushion for me. “Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there” this thing reached it’s hand out to me. I refused to grab it and lifted myself up. Turns out this something was a someone. They put their hand back and slowly drifted their eyes to the floor then back at me. “Are you new here?” The person asked me but I stared at them. I watched as their cheeks started to get a light red, almost like pikachu. I looked at their hair, huh what kind of teenager has gray hair? Is this person okay? Was this person just born with gray hair?  
Sugawara’s POV  
I felt flustered as this pretty first year was staring at me. Her hair was a dark brown and it reached perfectly to her shoulders. She had light freckles that scattered around her face. Her eyes a bright hazel as they pierced through me. What is she thinking about? Am I coming off as weird or cool? What do I say? What do I do? I cleared my throat.  
“Are you feeling okay about being in karasuno?” I asked her. I guess that’s where we’re starting. Great. She gave me a blank look and I gulped. I felt myself panic a bit, I never felt like this before. Who is this girl? Why does she have my attention? How do I draw myself away from her? She looked away from me and shrugged. She started to walk away but I stopped her. “Hey, uh, can I ask for your name?” I felt nervous. She turned back to me. “Maya”. She continued to walk away. I was shocked but I smiled, I got her name.  
I met with my team again. “Hey suga...how come you’re so red?” Daichi asked me. “No I’m not!...Anyway is Asahi ready yet?” I tried to put the focus on something else. “He should be coming out soon.” Daichi patted my back. I sighed. I couldn’t help but think about Maya. I don’t understand why my mind was so fixated on her, I don’t even know her. Clearly she didn’t care about having a conversation with me anyway. I should probably just forget about that little interaction.....

But I can’t.  
“SUGA!” I shook my head to snap myself out of the trance I was in. “Are you okay Suga? I’ve been talking to you but you weren’t paying attention” I looked at the person talking to me. Asahi. He had his hair in his usual bun and he tilted his head. “Oh yeah I was just, uh, thinking about some mapo tofu.” I responded. “Wanna get some after we leave?” He smiled at me. “No thanks, I think I’ll just go home”. 

Maya’s POV  
I don’t know why that gray hair guy stopped me just to ask for my name. I wish he didn’t. I planned on avoiding people but there he goes getting my name. How was I not supposed to give him it after that? I huffed. I walked to the bus stop and hoped that I wouldn’t have another interference. 

At home  
I took my shoes off and walked into my apartment. I took a deep breath as I entered and once I saw my mother’s face I felt nothing but despair. “Maya you made it on the team didn’t you?” She asked sternly. “Hi mother. Oh how was my day? It was like any other day, glad you asked.” I rolled my eyes as I tried to push my way into my room. “Don’t you be sarcastic with me. Did you or did you not make the team?” I felt her eyes staring at the back of my head. I turned around, “yes mother. I am a setter”. I turned away once again. “Only a setter, that’s it?! Why aren’t you a captain” her eyebrows moved down and her forehead wrinkled. “Because there are people who are better than me, okay mother? Now if you don’t mind I would like to go to my room.” I had an angry attitude. I opened the door to the room of many tears and frustration. I sighed and climbed onto my bed. She’ll never be proud of me, no matter what I do it’ll never be good enough. I layed down and stared at my ceiling, who would I be if my parents were better, if I were better?


	2. Chapter 2

Here we go again, I took a deep breath and walked into the doors of Karasuno. Did I really want to be here? Not really but where else would I be? I watched as people started to meet up with their friends, I don’t have friends to meet up with but I like it that way. I made my way to the cafeteria where students were so loud that it startled me. I can’t stand loud noises or crowded spaces and the cafeteria had both of those traits. I slouched all the way to a corner in the cafeteria. Good, no one sits here. I get to have time to myself. I breathed in from my nose and out through my mouth. I really want to be in a dark area right now. I felt myself space out as I always do no matter where I am.  
“Hello Maya” I heard a familiar voice. I looked up to see Niko. Her black bouncy hair was in pigtails and her eyes were enormous. I guess I didn’t notice that yesterday. Her eyes were the color of emeralds, her cheeks were always rosy, she also had freckles but only on her nose. She was very pretty, honestly everything I couldn’t be. I didn’t say a word as I analyzed her. She was petite, maybe one of the shortest people on our team. “How are you doing today?” She was attempting to converse with me but I continued to analyze her. “I seen that you were sitting by yourself and thought that you could use some company...” she tilted her head and looked into my eyes as if I was hiding something. Not one word escaped from my mouth. She huffed, “well I saw you talking to someone yesterday....Good thing I know him! I should go get him” she turned away. I was glad that she was gone. I don’t even know what she was talking about. I was barely listening to her.  
My moment of peace was once again interrupted because I saw niko coming back with the gray hair guy. I widened my eyes as I remembered having some kind of interaction with him. “Oh...” he said once he glanced at me. Wow thanks for the oh I rolled my eyes. He waved at me and I only looked at him. His eyes were a dark hazel and he had a little mole next to one of them. He was nothing special in my eyes. “Try to talk to her” I heard niko failing to whisper to him and forcing him to get closer to me. He sat down across from me and I caught a whiff of his cologne. Not gonna lie it smelled pretty good. “Hey..Maya I didn’t get to uh introduce myself. I’m koshi sugawara but everyone calls me Suga” he gave me a half smile. His smile was a little crooked, almost child like and very innocent. What does this guy want from me?  
“Do you have any questions about karasuno?” Suga asked me. I looked where niko was standing to see that she wasn’t there anymore. “I’ll take that as a no...” he laughed nervously. Why is he so nervous? I can’t be all that scary can I? I didn’t want to be bothered anymore. He looked at the table and I did too. The table had stains from who knows what, every color you could ever imagine. Sugawara’s eyes lifted up to meet my face. “...so what’s your favorite color?” Why does he care? I don’t want to make small talk. I don’t want to talk at all. Suga opened his mouth to say something but the bell signaling class was starting. “Well I guess I’ll see you later then?” He questioned me. I moved my eyes from the top of his head to his feet back to the top of his head. I shrugged and he had a look of disappointment. What is there to be disappointed about? 

Volleyball practice  
I walked into the locker room and started to change into my volleyball uniform. I sat down on the bench and sighed at my karasuno shirt and picked it up to put it on. I like the black and orange color scheme because it’s mostly black. After I put my shirt on my eyes drifted to the floor. Why I am on this team? Will I make it far on this team? Negative thoughts kept swirling around my mind.  
“Maya are you ready yet? Practice starts in 2 minutes.” Niko said breaking my chain of bad thoughts. My eyes drifted towards her and I just stared. “Uh are you okay Maya?” She seemed concerned. I got up from the bench and walked into the gym, not answering Niko's question. Let’s see what kind of hell this is gonna be.... I watched the ball, it was coming towards my side, should I go for it? Should I let someone else get it? I started to go for the ball since it was closer to me. I raised my hand and was ready to send it back to the other side. I hit the ball, it felt weird on my fingers. I looked at my hand and they were red. Why such a dumb sport causes this to happen? What’s the point? Why do people love this game so much? Before I even noticed, the ball was sent flying to our side of the net. I turned my head as I watched the ball hit the floor. We lost the point. But that’s not the worse part about it. Yeah we even lost this game but the ball was so close to me, I was supposed to get the ball but I was in my own head. People are gonna talk so much sh*t about this little mishap.  
I looked at the coach and she looked annoyed. At least she didn’t call me over, today is the second day of practice so I don’t want to hear people talking about what just happened. I dragged myself into the locker room and heard people talking about the lost like it was a big deal. We were just practicing, I don’t see why people are taking it so seriously. “Maya doesn’t deserve to be a setter, she’s not even good” a girl said. “Shh I think she might be able to hear you.” Another girl said. “It’s only day two of practice, so you shouldn’t be so hard on her” Niko defended me. My teammates are so annoying. I quickly changed out of my volleyball uniform and put on my school clothes. I got up from the bench, yawned and walked out. I don’t have time for these b*tches.  
I walked to the exit of the school. I wanted to leave before I bump into someone who may want to talk to me. As I was basically rushing out I saw Sugawara from the corner of my eye and that made me pick up the pace. As soon as I got out of the school I took a deep breath and let my nerves go back to normal. I don't want to interact with him or anyone. I just want to be able to do my own thing and stay to myself. As I was walking to the bus stop I felt a hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and opened them again. Who is touching me? I turned around and it was Niko. "Hey Maya! Good job at practice today" she praised me and I huffed. I did a terrible job at practice, we lost because of me, not that I really care if we won or not but the lost was pinned on me. Do you know how much attention I can draw to myself if I'm the one who causes us to lose or to win? That's attention I do not seek. "So what things are you into other than volleyball?" She seemed so interested in getting to know me for some reason. "Don't worry about it". I answered her. She pouted. "Aw come on! How are we supposed to become best friends if I don't know you" her eyes twinkled. I just met you yesterday, and I don't plan on having any kind of friend. I turned away from her. "Please don't be like that Maya" she did that thing with her fingers, where both of her pointer fingers were touching. "I don't like talking to people so if you don't mind..." The bus arrived and I walked on it. "I would like to be left alone". I felt a little mean for answering her like that but it was the honest truth. I don't know her, we just met. What does she want from me? I unlocked the door to my apartment not ready to step foot in it yet. Do I really have to be here? Can I just run away until my legs give out? I took a huge breath and entered. I saw my father sitting on the couch drinking. One day that man is gonna become an alcoholic like Molly's mother in a book a read once called Broken. He didn't come home last night, probably f*cking some girl he picked up at a bar. I rolled my eyes and started to walk towards my room. "Hey aren't you gonna give your dear old dad a hug" he got up from the couch and stepped closer to me. "I'm sorry father...but I have, uh, a lot of homework to do." I lied to him to avoid him touching me. "Aw okay...but I love you" he smiled at me. I looked down to his shirt and it was so dirty that not even a deep clean would fix that. My father's hair was receding and he had a full beard. He looked like a terrible mess. His tan skin looked faded. A total dead beat. I just shook my head and continued walking to my room. When I opened the door I saw my mother in there. My eyebrows pulled down and felt the force on my forehead. "Oh Maya. How many points did you score in volleyball today?" My mother's face was so smug. Is volleyball all that she cares about? It was just practice why is she worrying so much about it? "It doesn't matter mother...why are you in my room?" My eyes were burning through her's. "You don't have a right to question me". I looked behind her and my books that I loved to read were scattered, some got damaged. Some music CDs that I have bought with my own money were in pieces. My face grew so hot I probably looked like a damn tomato. "What the hell were you doing in here!" I practically yelled at my mom. "Don't you dare catch that tone with me. You shouldn't have things in your room that isn't related to volleyball" she stared at me. Her forehead wrinkles becoming visible. Her brown eyes focused on me. Her nose was scrunched up and her thin lips were frowning. "I DON'T CARE! THOSE ARE MINE YOU HAD NO RIGHT COMING IN HERE TO DESTROY MY STUFF!" I couldn't believe she would do this to me. She has done pretty terrible things to me but why destroying my property? I watched as her hand lifted up and slapped me across my face, leaving a mark. My breathing started to get faster. "You should never talk to your mother in that way you dumb b*tch" she walked out of my room. I locked the door and slid down to the floor. I felt the salty tears stream down my face. What did I do to deserve this treatment? I don't understand...I don't understand....


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up on my uncomfortable mattress. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was sitting in front of my door. What was I doing there? I looked at the mess in my room. I stared at it for a while. Did I create that mess? I got up from this thing I have to call my bed and walked towards the mess. I looked at the broken CDs and destroyed books. Then I remembered what happened last night. I soon as I remembered everything I felt my stomach go up in flames.  
I looked at the time, it was only 6 am. I could never get all the rest I need. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes had bags and they were puffy from the crying. I've cried a lot before, mostly when it gets uncontrollable but last night was probably the most I cried. I don't find comfort in many things but my books and CDs are my escape from everything. It's an escape from who I am. I no longer have that. I resent my mother.

I grabbed my bag and headed to the door when I saw my father still on the couch. He was asleep but the aroma surrounding him was terrible. It was mostly beer but that's something I don't want to smell early in the morning. I shook my head and left the apartment.  
As I waited for the bus I started thinking about ditching school. I don't want to go to class. I don't want to socialize with people. I don't want to go to volleyball practice. I don't want to be me. I am tired of being who I am.

I sat down in the same spot I did yesterday. Everyday seems like it'll be like the other. I sit in the cafeteria, I go to class, I go to volleyball practice, I go home. Then I repeat all of that the next day. My life is boring.  
"Hey Maya...I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to be so pushy" she started to fiddle with her fingers. My eyes felt so heavy that I could barely even look at her. "...are you okay Maya? Your eyes look swollen and your nose is pink" Niko sounded concerned. "I think I just always look like this" I mumbled and rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to get Suga? Maybe he can make you feel better! He always makes me feel good when ever I feel like oscar the grouch" she smiled at me. Why would I want Sugawara here? Is she trying to push him onto me? Well too bad because I'm not interested.  
She brought him over and he seemed uneasy. Is he being forced to speak to me? Ugh I can't stand people.

Suga's POV  
I really want to get to know Maya but what do I say to her? I looked at Niko who seemed so excited to have me interact with Maya. Niko is my childhood friend so we know each other really well. Maybe she can tell that I'm drawn to Maya. If she can then that's a little embarassing. My face burned a little. I don't know what it is about Maya but I want to know everything about her.  
"Niko how do I speak to her?" I whispered. "Just go over there you doof!" She pushed me. I took a deep breath and walked towards Maya. I sat across from her and glanced at her. I stared at her. Is she feeling okay?  
"Good morning...Maya." I hope that was a good start. She groaned. Maybe it wasn't a good start after all? Oh no what do I say to her? "Uhh what's your favorite food? Mine is spicy mapo tofu" I gave her a welcoming smile. She looked away from me.  
Even though she looked like she was going through a lot her skin was still glowing. How does she draw my eyes to her everytime? I don't understand this. "Uh what's your favorite kind of music?" I asked her. I seemed to spark some kind of reaction in her because she quickly looked at me. Her eyes were locked in with mine. My breathing started to speed up. Okay maybe I said something right...how do I continue this? "I like different kinds of music but used to a lot of pop..." She continued to look into my eyes. I felt like she was trying to put me into a trance and I was falling into it. I couldn't look away her.

Maya's POV  
Music? He decided to talk about music? I miss my CDs. I need them back. I can't believe my mother destroyed them. How am I supposed to get them back? I can't afford to re-buy them. I just want to curl up with my headphones and listen to music. I don't care about anything else, just give me my CDs and books back. 

Oh God how long was I staring at him? I lightly shook my head to get myself to break out of my thoughts. I furrowed my eyebrows. Sugawara looked at me and I felt his eyes search my entire face. What are you looking for Sugawara? Trust me whatever you're trying to find, you won't see it in me. I got up from the table and walked away. Sugawara's eyes were still trained on me. Can people just leave me alone?

Practice practice practice. I don't want to practice. "Girls line up, I have information for you" coach stated. I lined up with my teammates to hear what coach had to say. "We have or first game in a week. You girls better work hard and stay focused. Don't stress yourselves out and work together". Oh working together? That's my favorite thing to do.  
"Maya what do you need to practice?" Niko asked me. "Life" I grumbled. "What was that?" She tilted her head a place a finger on her cheek. "Spikes..." I replied. "Ooh spikes okay!". I can't believe I have to do this. Why is the first game coming up so fast? I don't even want to participate in games. What's the point? I rather just sit out.  
"Maya don't worry you'll do great". Niko smiled genuinely. For some reason I was taken aback by this. She seemed to really mean it. I sighed. I don't want to put any effort. My body feels so exhausted. "Maya come on don't give up now!" Niko stated. I felt so weak. When was the last time I ate? The last time I slept properly? I wasn't feeling up to practice anymore so I left the gym. I heard Niko calling out to me before I left but I ignored her.  
I walked towards the boys gym without realizing it. I heard the boys practicing in there and I walked in. Why did I do it? Honestly I don't know, I felt intrigued to do so. I sat down on the bleachers and watched them practice.  
I saw Sugawara there. Oh he's a volleyball player... It seems like he's also a setter. I watched as the boys were trying to learn how to work together. There was a boy with blue hair who seemed to always try to take charge of the team. Yeah I don't think I would ever want to be around him if he's gonna try to take over everything.  
I saw a tall blonde boy with glasses, he was blocker but the vibes he gave off.... He doesn't enjoy playing volleyball either. Good to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't.  
I stood in the boys gym until practice was over. The boys are rowdy but are talented. The girls team is quite the opposite. I started to get down from the bleachers when I noticed that I caught Sugawara's attention. He didn't know I was here until now. Sh*t I wish he didn't spot me. He walked towards the bleachers. "Do you need help getting down?" Sugawara asked me while reaching his hand out. I looked at his hand. I'm not gonna grab your hand. I jumped down and he seemed surprised by it.  
"Did you enjoy seeing us practice?" He asked me. I shrugged. If only he knew that me coming in here was spontaneous. "Oh. Uh do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?" Sugawara questioned me. I shook my head. I can do that all on my own. "Okay...stay safe...?" He said it as a question, as if he was unsure. Do you want me to be safe or don't you? I rolled my eyes. It doesn't even matter because of who I'm going home to. He waved goodbye to me before I left the gym. Why is he trying so hard? 

I ended up in my aunt's house. I guess today I'm just doing things I wouldn't normally do. There was no way I was going home. My aunt always welcomed me with open arms. Plus I like her house because she has no kids and her wife works a lot so it mostly just be my aunt. It felt nice being in a house that was almost empty.  
"Maya you should eat some dinner. I could tell you haven't eaten" my aunt told me. "I'm not hungry" I told her. "No, you don't feel hungry but your body needs food". She patted my head. "Is there anything you want to eat or try?" I sat down on the dining chair. I thought about it. What would I eat anyway?

"How about spicy mapo tofu?"


	4. Chapter 4

My body jerked up and I scanned my surroundings. Oh yeah I forgot that I'm not home. I stood in my aunt's house. Did my parents ever call to see if I was fine? That shows how much they care. I lowered my head. Sometimes I wish I had different parents, parents who actually cared for me. I scratched my eye, it doesn't feel swollen anymore. I got up from the bed which felt so much more comfortable than the one I had at home. I stretched and checked the time on my phone. 3 am my phone read. I yawned and dragged my feet into the bathroom. I washed my face and stepped into the kitchen.  
Is there anything that I want from here? I opened the refrigerator and spotted left over tofu. I felt myself smile a bit. I did enjoy the tofu. I took the tofu out of the refrigerator and stuck it into the microwave. I waited for the beeping sound and took the tofu out of the microwave. The smell was immaculate. I took chopsticks out and started to eat it. I don't eat much but if I had to choose something as my last meal this probably would be the one I'd choose.  
I heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. Oh great...busted. "Maya what are you doing awake at this time?" I heard a groggy voice from outside the kitchen say. "I don't know, I couldn't really sleep and I decided to have a snack" i said putting tofu into my mouth. My aunt's wife Hanae entered the kitchen and was rubbing her eye in a sheepish way. "You seem to really enjoy that. I don't think I've ever seen you smile before, especially not at food" she told me. I felt myself get embarrassed. "Nae I wasn't smiling...I was just-" I was cut off. "You don't have to lie" she opened the fridge and grabbed banana milk. "Just make sure you get some rest" she tucked some of my hair behind my ear and put a hand on my face. I looked at her, her face was mature. Her nose was narrowed, her eyes small and her lips thin. She is a very kind person and I feel good that my aunt married someone that she is happy with. "Good night Maya" she left the kitchen.  
I grabbed paper and a pencil and sat down on the table. I took a deep breath and started to draw. Drawing is something I do rarely, maybe because I don't ever feel confident in the things I create. I rather stick to stuff that other people created. I don't really know what I want to draw but I let my mind and hand go with the flow.  
About an hour later I ended up with a drawing of a sad little girl yearning for proper love. I cringed at the drawing. I crumbled it and threw the paper in the garbage. If only I could throw myself away, along with the paper. I sighed.  
It's only 4 am and I don't have to leave for school in another 3 hours but i don't have my school uniform with me, the only one that I have here is the one I took off yesterday. Maybe I can wash it and put it to dry before I have to leave. I went into the room that I was in earlier and took my uniform to the wash room. I turned the washing machine on and put the clothes in. I went back into the living room and sat on the couch.

Next thing I knew I woke up and it was 6 am. HOLY SH*T! How did I go back to sleep? I rushed to the wash room and looked at my uniform. F*ck there's no way it's gonna be fully dry in time. I grabbed my bookbag. I should tell my aunt I'm leaving. I wrote a note and left it on the table. Then I dashed through the door. I took the bus to my apartment.  
I jumbled my keys around until I got the correct one. I snuck in and went into my room. The mess was still there and I know it wouldn't be cleaned unless I do it. I grabbed my uniform and put it on. I think I successfully snuck into my own home.  
As I was walking towards the door to leave the apartment I heard something behind me. I turned around to be met with my mother. Great I was so damn close to the door. "Where were you last night? Why the f*ck you didn't come home?" She mother crossed her arms. "Don't act like you care. You don't want me here and I don't want myself here so if you please I would like to go to school" I stated. I can't believe I said that I would like to go to school. I guess I really don't want to be here. "No you're staying here. You're gonna clean that f*cking mess in your damn room and the entire house while you're add it" My mother ordered. "...no" i shook my head lightly. "Excuse me?" My mother's voice was stern. I felt strong in this very moment. Don't get me wrong, I was also terrified. My mother could do whatever she wants to me right now and I can't even stop her but I stood my ground. "You heard me...I said no" I was stern. At this point my mother didn't know how to react. Before she could do anything I started to open the door while still facing my mother. "You need to learn some respect" I know she was preparing to hit me so I opened the door wide enough for me to slip through it. Mother you are not allowed to abuse me like that.  
I rushed to the bus stop and apparently I had good luck because the bus was already coming. I entered the bus and sat down and took a huge breath. That had to be one of the craziest things I've ever done. It felt kind of exhilarating...for once I felt alive. 

I couldn't keep my mind off of what happened with my mother. This was something I never want to forget. I sat down where I always do in the cafeteria. I rested my head onto my hand and yawned. My lack of sleep is catching up with me. "Oh Maya!" Here we go, this is my everyday life. "Hiya Maya- ooo l love sound of that!" Niko sounded so peppy. I couldn't match her energy, ever. Sugawara came from behind Niko. "Good morning" he said shyly. It was kind of....cute?  
"How was your night?" Sugawara asked me. I looked down at the table. "...you didn't have a good night? I'm so sorry to hear that. Well, um, hopefully today can be better! Right?" Sugawara's eyes twinkled into mine. I gave him a blank look and he put a hand behind his head. This is interesting. Everyday Niko comes and brings sugawara along with her and she leaves us two together. Is this some sort of trap? I squinted my eyes as I watched Sugawara's movement. He was speaking to me knowing that I wouldn't respond to him. "The boys volleyball team is kind of nervous to go against seijoh. It's the first big game...I hope we do well" Sugawara looked away, clearly feeling uneasy. We also have a game the same day they do. First we have a few games against other schools until we go against seijoh. Do I think the team is ready for it? No I don't. Do I care? That's also a no. But they seem to care a lot about winning. I wonder how sugawara feels about winning. Does he enjoy it? If so, why?  
I took myself out of those thoughts about Sugawara. Why am I thinking about him? I don't care for him, he's like everyone else. I looked at him and he was scrolling through his phone. He wasn't talking anymore. All of his attention was on his phone. I continued to look at him but he didn't do much. Why is he still over here? If you're gonna talk to me then talk and if not then go. I rolled my eyes and waited for the time to pass by. 

At the end of the school day I felt so extremely exhausted. I didn't want to do anything but lay down in bed. "Hey Maya could you come here a second?" Niko asked me. I sighed and walked back into the locker room. When I walked in I saw Niko struggling to take her volleyball uniform shirt off. I couldn't believe she was stuck in her shirt. I heard people in the background laughing at her. It was getting me upset, not because they were laughing at her but because they were standing there just to laugh at her. Stupid people. "Maya can you please help me" she pleaded. I groaned and pulled the shirt off of her head. "Whew thank you so much Maya" she wiped her forehead as if there was sweat on it. How did she even get stuck in it in the first place? She's a nimrod.  
After Niko changed into her regular uniform she and I walked out of the locker room. "Other than Suga do you know any of the boys in the volleyball team?" Niko questioned me. I shook my head. "Aw man. Maybe I should ask Suga about the boys since the two I always see him around are kind of cute. Especially the one with the beard. Everyone thinks he's scary but I could tell that he's really lovable" she smiled. I couldn't care less about the boys on the volleyball team. I don't even give a sh*t about my teammates why would I care about the boys? I started to head out but Niko didn't want me to leave yet. "We should wait for the boys so we can hangout!" Niko stated. Me? Hangout? With boys? No thank you.  
The boys started to head our way. "Hi Suga!" Niko waves to him like a maniac, drawing so much attention to us. I wanted to hide behind something. "Hey Niko" he responded. "So who are those boys that you're always hanging out with?" She plainly asked him. "Oh are you talking about Daichi and Asahi?" Niko nodded her head. I just want to leave. "Oh hi Maya I didn't know you were standing there" Suga half smiled. Yeah thanks for noticing, but I want to leave! Niko turned towards me. "Maya can you please stay with us?" Niko asked and Sugawara's eyes told me that he wanted me to stay too. I shook my head. I waved goodbye to them and left. There was no way I was bringing myself to be around a group of people. 

I went back to my aunt's house and layed on the bed. I ended my night by listening to the music Sugawara was talking about.


	5. Chapter 5

I had my headphones on, still listening to music that Sugawara talked to me about. It was very soothing and I enjoyed it. As soon as I sat at my usual spot I took my headphones off. I mind as well take them off since Niko and Sugawara like to come over here and speak to me.  
I waited for them to show to up. I'm not sure why they like to come over to where I'm sitting. Do they actually like speaking to me? I never even respond to them. Maybe I should open up to them more since they seem so rentless. They have been kind ever since I met them, I guess I could give them a chance. I cleared my throat to mentally prepare myself to actually engage in conversation today. I felt a little anxious because I am bringing myself out of my character. I want to learn how to socialize with these people.  
I waited.  
I continued to wait.

They never came. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. How come they didn't show up today? Do they not want to talk to me anymore? I looked down on the table and swirled my pointer finger on it. I was starting to get used to having them come by everyday and today the streak broke. I didn't expect that to happen. How come Niko and her overexcited self didn't say hi? Why didn't Sugawara try to speak to me? I was ready to try to step out of my comfort zone. I sighed, this is why I can never rely on someone.

Sugawara's POV  
I sat with Daichi, Asahi, and Niko as we were eating breakfast. "Go talk to her!" Niko said stuffing pancakes into her mouth. "I want to but-" I was cut off. "Dude stop being so shy. Go talk to her. What's the worse that could happen?" Asahi asked me. "Yeah I agree with Asahi" Daichi looked directly at me. "Guys you don't understand...I try to talk to her but she's not interested in me so what's the point? I don't want to waste her time." I looked out the window that was next to the table we were sitting at.  
"Suga she's sitting by herself...how will you be wasting her time?" Daichi asked me. I looked at him and he took a bite out of his banana. "There's no reason to go over there" I lowered my head. Niko hopped off the table, holding her bento box. The food that was in her mouth caused one side of her cheek to look chubby. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO REASON?!" Niko's eyebrows moved down and stared at me. "Suga you clearly are interested in her. You just have to keep trying". Asahi stated as Niko was nodding her head like a child. If I continued trying would Maya get upset? Would she be annoyed by me?  
"Suga don't make me go over there" Niko warned me. I sighed. I looked over to Maya who was way in the back that it was kind of hard to see her. She was staring at the table. I wonder what's running through her mind at this moment. What kinds of things does she think about? "Suga don't be so negative" Asahi smiled at me. Asahi is right, I shouldn't be so negative but how does one talk to someone who doesn't like communicating? I took a deep breath and got up. "Don't worry Niko you don't have to go over there. I got this...I think" mumbled the last part.  
I starting approaching Maya and as I got closer her head lifted up and her eyes were met with mine. I might be mistaken but it was like her eyes smiled at me without her actually doing so. It felt like she wanted me to sit with her. I felt more relieved when I saw her. I sat down across from her and she still kept her eyes on me. She seemed shy which I never felt that from her before.  
"Good morning Maya" I told her not expecting a response. She looked away from me for a few seconds and I saw her take a big breath. She slowly shifted her eyes back to me. "Good morning Sugawara" she let out. I felt different emotions flooding in. She actually spoke to me... I watched her. I was taking in every second of this. I know I only just met her a few days ago but I feel like I want to be around her. I don't know how to continue this conversation. I was a nervous wreck.  
"Have you read any interesting books lately?" Nice job, showing off you're a geek in the beginning. She nodded her head. I could tell this was a lot for her, it was foreign. She started to dig inside her book bag. She pulled out a book and placed it onto the table. "This is one of my favorites". The title read Flowers for Algernon. "I heard that was a good book but I never read it". She looked shocked. "Really?! It's so good!" She hugged the book. She seemed to feel connected to this book in someway. She obviously loves it a lot. She smiled at the book. She smiled...I stared with my eyes wide. I never thought I'd see her smile. I felt comfort from her smile. It was really beautiful, I definitely want to make her do it again.  
Maya's POV  
I felt myself smile as I was telling Sugawara about Flowers for Algernon. It was so different. But in a good way. I was able to talk to him about this book so smoothly like I've been talking to him for years. I was surprising myself about how long I've been talking. I started to feel insecure about it so I stopped. "You must know a lot about that book" Sugawara looked at me. "Well yeah... I've read it so many times" I responded shyly. My face started to burn as I was thinking about this entire conversation. Who am I right now? And why am I having a good time taking to him? "I should definitely read that book since you like it so much" he said. I smiled a bit at his comment. "Then maybe we can share our different thoughts on it" he shrugged. "That sounds nice" I told him without being able to look at his face.  
The bell started to ring. I didn't want to leave yet. I felt like I could keep talking about this book, the book that I had for so long. I never want my mother to get a hold of this book. I stared at it and I felt tears starting to build up. Oh please not now...I don't have any privacy. "Hey Maya?" I looked up at him, my vision was starting to get a little blurry due to the tears. "Talk to you soon" he waved goodbye and started to meet up with his friends. I took a deep breath to regulate my breathing. My heart was pounding so hard this entire time. I wiped my eyes to get rid of the tears that were forming. "See you later Sugawara" i said to myself. I put the book back inside my bag and went up to class.

During practice I decided to sit out. I felt anxiety from the conversation with Sugawara but yet I wanted more. Why did I want to keep talking to him? I mean he is the first person I ever opened up to about my favorite book. No one else seemed to care. If I tried to tell mother she would shut me up and take it away from me. My mother just doesn't like when I focus on things that actually interested me. She believes it would "distract" me from volleyball. I much rather be in a book club because it would be quieter and we can relax and talk about amazing books.  
Niko decided to walk up the bleachers to say hi. I waved at her and she got so happy. She clapped her hands and started to hop up and down, making the bleachers bounce. "Niko calm down" I whispered to her. "Oh I'm sorry...I'm just so happy!" Her smile was so big. Her rosy cheeks got redder. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. This is gonna take a lot of work, time, and energy. I sighed. "I can't wait to learn different things about you. Like where'd you grow up? Or what's your favorite candy? Or to what age did you stop wetting the bed?! I was 12 because I used to have bad nightmares about creepy crawlies!" Niko explained. ...too much information Niko but okay. "This is gonna be so fun!" "Niko get back into the game!" The coach yelled angrily. "Okay coming! See you Maya" she hopped down the bleachers. That girl has energy that no one could ever match. 

I was about to walk out of the school when I had a sudden feeling... Maybe I should say goodbye to Sugawara. I turned around and walked towards the boys gym. I waited until I saw him leave the gym. He was talking to his friends and he seemed so comfortable around them. I want to know what that's like. I looked down to the floor. "Okay later guys" Sugawara waved to his friends. He turned around and saw me standing by the gym. "Oh hey Maya" he smiled softly. "Um hey...I just wanted to thank you for um.. listening to me rant and... yeah" I thanked him awkwardly. I started to fiddle with my fingers because I felt so out of place. "It was no big deal. It was interesting to hear you speak so highly about something you enjoy" he sounded genuine. This made me feel all sorts of things. I felt myself blush and I didn't want him to see me like that. "Okay, uh, see you again soon" I waved at him. He waved back at me and I felt pretty good. It was so strange to have these foreign feelings be made because of another person that I talked to. He makes me want to get to know him.

I opened the door to my aunt's house. I was smiling, it was small but it still counts for something. I felt like a different person. But all of those positive feelings went away once I saw the person sitting on my aunt's couch.

My mother.


	6. Chapter 6

Why is my mother sitting on my aunt's couch? I had such a nice day and it's going to be ruined because this b*tch is in the same house I am. I walked into the room I sleep in a put my bag down. My aunt was cooking something in the kitchen so I sped in there. "Alice why is she here?" I asked my aunt with a worried tone. "I'm sorry honey but she was gonna find out where you were staying sooner or later. I know you don't want to be around her but she's your mother and she needs to no where you are." She explained to me. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at my aunt. I wish my aunt was my mother instead. My aunt wasn't only pretty but she is caring and if I was raised as her daughter I know I would be a completely different person. I sighed, "You're right but-" my aunt lifted up my chin. "If anything, I am always here for you. Trust me" Her eyes never left mine when she spoke. I nodded my head as I walked in the living room. The usual calm vibes of the living room was replaced with smugness and hatred.  
"So I see that you have been staying at my sister's house instead of coming to your true home". My mother said sternly. I thought a home is supposed to be a place you feel safe in not that you have to constantly worry if you're gonna randomly get abused by your parents. "I am not going home with you mother. I like it here, I'm treated like an actual human here and not some weird slave." I explained to her truthfully. "So you rather stay at this bean flicker's house then with your own mother?" My mother got up from the couch. I took a step back. "Don't call my aunt that" I said defending her. "Don't tell me you're one of them too?" Her face wrinkled. I know for a fact that she is furious. "And what if I was mother? Would you have a problem with that too? Your sister is just another person, you don't have to treat her any different. Especially when she knows how to be a decent human being" I raised my voice a bit. I know I don't say it enough but I do love my aunt, she's been amazing even though she has a teenager in her house ruining her privacy with her wife. "You little b*tch! You really crossed the line this time. What, are you a bean flicker?!" My mother was huffing and breathing really hard. "No mother...AND stop calling them that!" My face was so hot right now. She is so unreasonable, I hate her. She is the worst person ever and I have to call her my mother. "You keep defending my sister and her little toy..." she shook her head. "You have to get out of this house before you f*cking end up like them." My mother ordered me. Who does she think she is? Why does she want to take everything away from me? "Get whatever sh*t you have in this contaminated house and we're leaving you little whore". My anger kept growing, I want my mother to leave this house right now. "It's only contaminated because you're in it" I said. "Excuse me? Do you want to repeat that?" she stepped closer to me. I gulped. "It's only contaminated because you're in it...?" I accidentally made it into a question. My voice sounded shaky, this entire day was too much for me. She slapped me harder than last time. "You listen here..." she pushed me onto the floor. I landed hard onto my back. It hurt but I could take it. I turned my head back to my mother, my eyes salty and my breathing fast. "Get your f*cking sh*t and let's go. Don't make me repeat myself". I got up from the floor and turned away. The tears escaping my eyes. "F*ck you mom" I said under my breath. My voice was too small at this moment for me to say it louder.  
I went into the room and grab my bag and stuffed all the clothes that I took from my apartment in it. The tears were coming down so hard, I don't want to go back with my parents. I hate my life. I put my bag onto my back and went into the kitchen. "Thank you for everything Alice" I sniffled. My aunt gave me a concerned look. "Myra! What the hell are you doing to this child?" Alice asked my mother. "Nothing she's just overreacting" My mother said from the living room. My aunt didn't hear the argument because the kitchen is pretty far from the living room. "Remember Maya, call me whenever you need me".  
The bus ride home felt disgustingly long, I am not ready to go back home yet, knowing that I am going back to the place my parents are. I wanted to cry again but I was able to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out. I stared at the bus's flooring and thought about Sugawara and Niko. If I were around them right now I know they would talk about anything, and Niko would radiate positive energy and vibes. "We're almost home". My mother was looking out the window. My eyes were so droopy, I constantly feel sleepy but never get any rest and crying makes it worse.  
My mother opened the door to the apartment. "You better not f*cking do anything else that'll upset me. Do you understand?" I didn't look at my mother, I couldn't bring myself to but I nodded my head depressingly. I walked to my room and put my bag down but when I looked around I got upset all over again. My room looked worse then when I left! Papers were scattered, my hidden drawings were ripped, my clothes were on the floor. It looked like a tornado happened in this room and destroyed the rest of my things. My bed was no longer there. Did she really take my bed out too? What the f*ck is her problem? I looked at my now broken dresser. There was something on it. I walked to it. What the hell? It was a vase. Why the hell is there a random vase in my room. "Oh do you like that vase?" My mother said from behind me. I kept facing the other way. "Listen I had to do this so we can change your room around. If someone who didn't know you walked in this room before they wouldn't be able to tell that you were a volleyball player, or a female for that matter" I hate her smug voice. "That vase is there so you can put flowers in there. You need to show off your girly side because you are a girl. I thought flowers would be a great start, you need to have something alive in here" she walked away. I just stood there eating up all her words. I put the vase back onto the dresser and stared at it. I don't want anything that I didn't put in my room myself in here. Why does she want me to change who I am? I do not care about volleyball. I don't like "girly" things. I don't like living here. I don't like my parents. I don't like me.  
I changed into a long hoodie that was on the floor thanks to my mother and had no other choice but to lay on the floor. It was somehow more comfy than my bed, at least you did one thing right mother. I laid there staring up at the ceiling imagining myself being happy. Imagining myself being the opposite of who I am. I curled my legs up and closed my eyes to force myself to sleep as I felt a tear stream down my cheek.

My door shot open abruptly causing me to jolt awake. My heart was pounding abnormally, who is at the door? "You b*tch!" I heard a deep groggy voice. It was my father and he's drunk again. I got up from the floor and looked at the man standing in front of my door. "You ugly ass b*tch!" I took a step back. Here we go, another thing to deal with before the day ends. "Father please go wash your face and drink some coff-" he cut me off. "Don't...tell me what to do you- you dumb whore" he was walking closer to me. My room was small and I knew there was no way of going around him. I kept moving backwards until my back hit the wall. What is he about to do to me? "You're like...those thots on the streets...I am ashamed to be your father". His words were piercing through me, why are my parents calling me that? Is it because it's true? I shook my head lightly. It can't be true, I don't even like being around people. "Father please calm-" He hit me in the same spot my mother did only a few hours ago. "You're going to be punished now" he started to take his belt off. Don't tell me he's going hit me with his belt...I already got abused enough today. I was preparing myself to feel the belt against my skin when I felt something else on my hips. My fathers hands? He was rubbing on my hips and started to make his way up. "If you're a whore, you can be a whore for me too" his breath was nothing but alcohol. "Father don't do this" I was so terrified. He was starting to put his hand into my hoodie and slither it towards my chest. His hand was cold and dry and I wanted it far away from me. I looked at the vase that was only a few inches away from me. I started to reach for it while my father was focusing on touching my body. I am so close to grabbing it, I just need to reach a little more... Yes! I finally got a good grip on it and without thinking I hit my father in the head with it. I watched as the glass shards fell onto his head and the floor. So much for my mother wanting me to use it for flowers.  
My breathing got faster as I took in the events that just took place. I started to panic. I can't believe I just attacked my own father! I fell onto my knees and started sobbing. I couldn't get myself to stop, I felt weak. I crawled around my father's body and the glass to grab my phone. What do I do? Do I call the cops? The ambulance? My aunt? I looked at my phone. Sh*t it's dead so even if I wanted to call someone I can't. Without thinking I packed my bag and left the apartment again. Do I know where to go? No I don't because if I go back to my aunt's house my mother would make me leave again. I couldn't get the image of my father's unconscious body out of my mind. I am a monster. I looked at my hands. I used these hands to attack my own father...what is wrong with me?  
I was dragging my feet as I walked. I felt terrible. My stomach was in knots and I felt like I was gonna throw up. I didn't even eat anything and after everything that happened today I feel so shaky, like anything could happen to me right now and I'd die from it. I continued to drag myself until I found an old bench in a park. The park was dead silent and dark. This is the only choice I have right now and I can't even think straight, I feel so exhausted. I need to get some sleep. I laid down on the bench and my eyes quickly closed and I fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping happily. I slowly lifted myself up and was now sitting on the bench. Did I actually fall asleep in this park? I stretched and felt pain from my back. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I feel disgusting and nauseous from the events that took place. I grabbed my phone to check what time it was...oh right I forgot my phone is dead. I sighed and got up from the bench. Thank you bench for allowing this worthless human being sleep on you. I yawned and grabbed my bookbag. This park is such a quiet place, I guess no one visits this park. I am glad I knew about this park and that this time I wasn't interrupted while trying to sleep. I need to know the time because I have to go to school. I dragged myself to the nearest gas station, I walked into the bathroom and I noticed there was a dingy mirror.  
I saw a monster there. The monster stared at me and I hated it. It wasn't scary, though, just hideous. If the monster's parents didn't love her how could she? How could anyone else? This monster was extremely broken and no one cared. How could a monster like you survive in this cruel world? This world was not made for you. You don't belong here, die you dumb whore. You don't deserve to be happy.  
I stopped looking at the monster and brushed my teeth. At least I was smart enough to bring toothpaste and a toothbrush. I got out of the bathroom and made my way into the gas station. I looked around for a bit, not interested in buying anything. I walked up to the cashier and asked for the time. 6:30...I have to head to school. I exited the gas station and was headed towards the closes bus stop. How far away am I from my apartment? Well no matter how far I am, I will never be far enough. As I was walking to the bus stop I started thinking about my father. I can't believe I actually did that to him. I know he was on the verge of raping me but he's my father. He wouldn't of done that if he was sober right? I just hope he's okay. I looked up as I heard the bus approaching. Once the doors opened I walked in and couldn't keep my mind off of my father.  
I got off of the bus once I reached my destination. I walked for a little until I saw Karasuno high school. I stared at the building. I am not ready to go in there, this school is filled with people. I definitely don't want to be around so many others. My breathing started to get faster and my hand started to shake violently. I need to step away but I started to lose feeling in my legs oh God I need to find a place to sit. I started dragging my feet to a grassy area that was only a few inches away from the school. As soon as I got onto the grass I fell on my knees and kept myself up with my hands. Due to my weakness my arms were trembling, but I was trying to focus on fixing my breathing. "Hiya Maya whatcha doing down there?" someone asked from behind me. Oh no I don't want anyone seeing me like this and definitely not someone that I know. I turned my head and I saw Niko standing there. "Oh I uh, was looking for my um, pen!" I am such a terrible liar. "Aw I hope you find it!" Niko told me while furrowing her eyebrows. I guess I don't have to worry about being a bad liar when talking to this nimrod. I took a breath in and held it as I picked myself up. I dusted myself off and turned to look at her. "Did you find it ?" she titled her head with her eyebrows still furrowed. "Uh yeah, yeah I found it" I nodded my head. She smiled and walked me to Sugawara and his friends. "Good morning Maya" Sugawara smiled gently, making me feel calmer. I waved at him and looked at his other friends. "Maya this is Asahi" he pointed at the guy with a bun and a light facial hair on his chin. "And this is Daichi" he pointed at an average looking guy. I think he's the captain of the boys volleyball team. They smiled at me and waved. I felt really shy and lightly waved back. I am standing with too many people right now. I am more comfortable around Niko and Sugawara, not fully, but I am used to them being around. I was standing in between Sugawara and Niko and they seemed so confident, how are they able to give off those vibes? How do I become confident? I put my left hand onto my right arm and kept my eyes away from all of their faces. I can't seem to look directly at them. "Okay, let's go into the cafeteria so I can eat my bento box" Niko eyes sparkled. Instead of sitting with Sugawara's friends I sat by myself, like usual. I moved myself as far as I could into the corner. I saw Sugawara approaching me and I lifted up my head. "Hey...you're not ready to sit with us yet?" he asked while sitting down. I shifted my eyes down thinking about his question. It's too hard for me too talk to people. I liked having Sugawara sit here now but for some reason I felt nervous. Sugawara you shouldn't be around me, I am a monster, I'm horrible. If he knew what I did to my own father...he would definitely stop talking me. "Maya? Are you okay? I've been speaking to and you seem so...out of it" he looked concerned. What do I say to him? How do I even speak to him? His eyes looked at every fiber of my face, studying it. Can he tell something is wrong? I mean there's something always wrong but I'm the big problem right now. My vision started to get blurry, I was barely able to see Sugawara. I don't want him to see my watery eyes so I looked at the table. I heard him get up from the table and his footsteps were getting closer to me. I refused to look at him. Then suddenly I felt something wrap completely around me. It caught me by surprise and I flinched. What is he doing to me? Is this a hug? Sugawara's POV I looked at Maya but her eyes were trained on the table. I felt like she has something on her mind that she doesn't want to talk about. Maybe she could use a hug. Hugs help people feel connected to others. I got up from the table and approached her. I looked at the top of her head and breathed out. I put my arms out and wrapped them around her shoulders and pulled her close to me. I had her so close that she can probably feel my heart beating, it was beating a little intensely because I am attracted to her and I don't want to make anything worse for her. When I hugged her I felt her body jump like she wasn't expecting me to do so. Her body trembled a bit, maybe she doesn't want to be touched. Damn I messed up didn't I? I let go of her because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. I felt sorry for her because I didn't know what to do to make her smile and forget whatever she is thinking about. "Um I'll be...right back" she got up from the table and dashed away. My eyebrows furrowed as I worried about her. I sighed and walked to my friends. "Is she okay? We just saw her leave so abruptly" Niko asked as she watched me sit with them. "I don't think she is. I'm pretty sure she has something going on with her but I don't want to ask about it because she just started to open up and I do not want to push it. I have to take things step by step" I explained to her. "Yeah you just have to give her space" Daichi told me and Asahi nodded. It's true, but I want to know because I want to find a way to help her. I sighed and put my head onto my hand and kept Maya in my mind. Maya's POV I ran into the girls bathroom and put my hands onto the sink. My arms were trembling and I had my head hanging down. My anxiety is through the roof right now, I can't believe Sugawara hugged me. It felt so strange. I never had someone hug me before, why was he the first? It was frightening to have him touched me after the mishap with my father. I don't want to be touched by anyone. I started shaking my head, I feel so gross right now. I had to get away from him or else I was gonna have a break down in front of him which would be extremely embarrassing and bring attention to myself. I don't want to be here anymore. Can I be anywhere else? I had to participate in practice today because I skipped it too many times and we have our first game coming up this week. We're apparently going up against a school called Horikoshi High. As I was practicing I was panting pretty hard and Niko was concerned. "Maya maybe you should sit out for this one too. Or eat something..." Niko told me. I shook my head. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine". I was far from fine, I felt like complete sh*t. I was trying to keep my eyes trained on the ball, it was heading left. I could go for it. Should I go for it? I took a breath and jumped for the ball. I managed to hit it but after doing that I fell. "Hey are you okay?" an unfamiliar voice asked me. I turned my head to look at her. She had long gray hair and beautiful green eyes. "Oh, yeah I'm good" I got up from the floor. I probably wouldn't of fell if I were stronger. I looked back at the gray hair girl, who is she? Has she been here this entire time? Do I really not pay attention? "Hey..." I called to her. What am I doing? She turned around. "Wha-what's your name?" I felt my eyes widened. "It's Haiba Ella" she gave me a smile and bowed. "I'm Gonzalez Maya" I bowed after her, which was a terrible idea because it made me feel light headed. "GIRLS FOCUS ON THE F*CKING GAME!" The coach yelled at us. "Yes coach!" we both said. How many people are on this team that I still don't know? "Aw Maya look at you interacting with other people!" Niko was wiping her eyes as if she were crying. I rolled my eyes. I don't even know why I decided to talk to Ella, she just gave off an interesting vibe I guess. I sighed. My mind was all over the place. Going from my mother and father, to Sugawara, to Ella, and it keeps going back and forth from there. At least there aren't any mind readers here because then they would be concerned about me, which I don't need them to be, I already know that my mind is dangerous. Did I focus during practice? No but do I ever? "Hey Maya" Sugawara approached me. "Hey Sugawara" My voice was small and I avoided eye contact. "Um, so I was thinking of inviting you to the movies tonight...?" He cleared his throat nervously and put a hand behind his head. "It'll just be Niko, Asahi, and I...unless you want to come too" his eyes drifted away at the last part of his sentence. I could tell that he wanted me to go but should I? I didn't go the last time they invited me out. Would this be good for me? Maybe this time I don't have to feel so nervous around Sugawara and the...and the rest. They could keep my mind off of things... Fat chance. "You don't have to, if you don't feel up to it. I just thought I would be fun and a great way for you to feel less stressed" he looked at his fingers and started playing with them. If I go with them then that means I'm coming out of my comfort zone, which I already started to do...why don't I just continue? I know it would be scary but I have to try. Plus if I don't go with them then where would I go? I can't face my parents after what happened last night. I shifted my eyes to Sugawara's and our pupils locked in with each other's. His cheeks started to get pinkish and I took a small breath out. "Sure...that sounds like it'll be fun...?" I lightly shrugged my shoulders. How do people communicate with one another on the daily? His eyes lit up and his lips separated for a few moments before turning into a smile. "Okay...this is great" he was feeling a little awkward wasn't he? I smiled a bit to myself as I walked with Sugawara to meet up with Niko and Asahi. Niko looked so excited I thought she was going to explode. "Maya I'm so happy you said yes!!" She started clapping her hands and hopping. "Listen bunny, it's not a big deal" I looked away from her. "Aw she already made a nickname for me! I think I'm going to cry" Niko placed a hand on her chest. Sugawara and Asahi chuckled at her remark. This is going to be very interesting. "Suga can we eat before the movie? I'm starving!" Niko whined. "Okay Niko, just to make you happy we can eat first. Where would you like to go?" Suga responded to her. "Hmmm. Oh let's go to this cute Ramen place! There's also a bubble tea place nearby!" Niko lead us to the ramen restaurant, it was pretty cute. A lot of adorable Japanese decorations around. It felt like a cool place to be. Suga's POV I still am in shock that Maya agreed to come with us. I feel proud of her for trying to do something different. I enjoy having her around, I would love for her to become apart of this friend group. I watched as Maya looked around the restaurant, she seemed interested in the décor. "Have you ever been here before?" I questioned Maya as she stared at the decoration. She lightly shook her head, "This is my first time" she stated turning back to me. When she looked at me, I don't know why but it made my face heated up. I turned my head away from her. "Well I hope you like the food here" I shyly told her. "I don't plan on eating". I quickly faced her again, "what do you mean you don't plan on eating? You need to eat Maya" my eyebrows furrowed. "I...I just don't like eating" she shrugged as if it were nothing. "How about this, we share a bowl of ramen?" I suggested and she looked hesitant. "Okay fine, if you insist" she moved her eyes towards Niko and Asahi. I let out a breath, being glad that she complied. We rejoined Niko and Asahi. Niko was thrilled to get her ramen and Asahi smiled knowing that Niko was happy. Once I got my bowl of ramen I split it with Maya and she thanked me. I want her to eat more because not only is it good for her but she's a volleyball player, she needs as much nutrients as she can get. I watched Maya pick up the chopsticks and use them to swirl around the ramen noodles. I hope she actually eats them. She took a breath in and out and lifted the chopsticks towards her lips and slurped the noodles. Watching her eat the noodles made me blush. I cleared my throat and looked away from her and started to eat my ramen. At least Maya is eating, this makes her hanging out with us so much better. If she went home I doubt she would eat anything. I smiled a bit to myself and continued to eat my ramen. "Let's go drink some bubble tea now!" Niko pleaded already heading towards the bubble tea place with Asahi following behind her. I turned around and looked at Maya. "Are you ready to go?" I looked at her bowl, there was still some ramen left but at least she ate right? She got up from her chair and sighed. "I'm sorry Sugawara, I didn't finish it all..." her eyes were a little droopy. "Nah it's fine because you still ate something...anyway come on let's go get some bubble tea" I softly smiled at her but she stared at me, she looked embarrassed. "What's wrong?" I titled my head, wondering why she's flushed. "I never had bubble tea before" she was shy about it. It was kind of cute seeing her like that. "That's a good thing then! You get to try it for the first time with your friends" her eyes shined and I felt warm inside. Maya POV Sugawara called me his friend. I am someone's friend. It felt so weird to be known as someone's friend. Today must be a day full of firsts. It was a little overwhelming but I know I need this. "Okay I'm ready" I grabbed my bag from behind the chair and dragged my feet behind Sugawara. When we walked out I felt the cool breeze flow through my hair, it felt nice. The breeze caused the scent of Sugawara to wash over me. The scent made me feel comfort in some way. I don't know how or why but knowing that it smelled sweet while also having a masculine touch brought me to a satisfaction. I breathed in heavily taking in every moment that I was breathing in. I want to get used to this scent. Sugawara turned around to face me. He pointed to the bubble tea place, "It's just right over there" he spoke in a gentle tone. "I recommended the mango fruit ones, they pop in your mouth!" Niko suggested while already drinking hers. "I personally like the chewy ones" Asahi stated while grabbing his drink. "Don't listen to them, the best one is the passion fruit ones" Sugawara told me confidently. Who do I listen to? Which do I choose? What if I choose one that I don't like? Would they not like me anymore? "I don't know which one to get" I felt super shy, ugh I despise when I come off as shy. "Aw don't worry Maya, I'll order for you." Sugawara started to walk towards the cashier. "No fair how come you get to choose for Maya!" Niko pouted and started sipping her bubble tea. "I get to choose because I have better taste. Anyway I'm going to give her something simple just to see if she likes it". "YOU'RE GONNA PUT THE PASSION FRUIT BUBBLES!" Niko stomped her foot and crossed her arms. "Yes, yes I am" he gave her a huge smile. They are so outgoing, how do I become like them? I sighed, before I used to want to stay far away from people like them but now I'm here with them yearning to be like them. How did this happen? Sugawara broke my thoughts when he handed me my drink. "I hope you like it" he smiled encouragingly. I nodded my head and looked at the drink. It was pink and the bubbles were so small but there were so many of them. "Well here I go, I guess" I lifted up my drink as if we were gonna do that "cheers" thing people do with their drinks. I put my mouth on the thick straw that Sugawara stuck into the cup. They all stared at me with anticipation, they wanted to know how I felt about it. I took the straw out of my mouth and looked at the drink again. What do I think of it? "I like it" I said in a monotone voice. I don't just like it...I think I love it. The strawberry taste really good and I liked the feeling of the bubbles popping and the flavor was really sweet. I like sweet things. "See I told you I have good taste" Sugawara bragged to Niko and Asahi as they rolled their eyes. "Whatever Suga...let's just go to the theater before the movie starts" Niko was walking up ahead and Asahi was following her, staying directly by her side. "Come on Maya". We sat down in the movie theaters. I sat on the left side of Sugawara meaning I was also next to Asahi as Niko sat on the other side of him. The movie they decided on was a scary one even though both Niko and Asahi don't do well with scary movies. I didn't really care what movie we were gonna watch, all I care about was the fact that I was here with them. The movie was pretty interesting but I kept hearing Niko and Asahi get frightened. I looked at them, Niko's head was buried in the crook of Asahi's neck and Asahi's head was laid onto Niko's. They're such punks. I turned to the screen and a creature popped up causing me to get jump scared. Okay but at least I wasn't scared the entire time. "You okay? I felt you jump" Sugawara whispered to me. I felt embarrassed, how could I let him see me get scared. "Yeah I'm fine...it just caught me off guard" I whispered back to him. I looked back at the screen and yawned. Damn I feel dangerously sleepy right now. Next thing I knew I felt something tapping me and I opened my eyes. My head was resting on Sugawara's shoulder. I looked at him before I realized where I was. I quickly picked my head up, "Oh I'm sorry! I- I didn't mean to fall asleep on you and I missed the rest of the movie" my face grew hot, good thing it's dark in here so he couldn't see my face turn red. "It's cool. I'm sorry that I didn't wake you up before the movie ended, you just looked so peaceful" Sugawara smiled at me. I couldn't help but match his energy. "Look at those two. They were so scared, they're still holding onto each other" Sugawara pointed behind me. I looked at Niko and Asahi, they were in fact still holding each other. "Hey guys um the movie is over" I quietly told them. Niko peeked her head out and looked at the screen then back at me. "Asahi it's true! The bad movie went bye bye" her smiled almost lit the entire theater. Asahi let go of Niko and they got up from their seats. "The movie wasn't even that scary" Asahi said and Niko agreed. I rolled my eyes, the movie actually wasn't that scary...I wish I didn't fall asleep. Sugawara's shoulder was pretty comfortable though...anyway. We exited out of the theater. "Am I the only one who finished the movie?" Sugawara furrowed his eyebrows as we all nodded our heads. "Anyway...Maya you want me to walk you home? It's pretty late and I don't want you to go home by yourself" Sugawara's eyes locked onto mine. He's right but I don't want to go home. If I go home who knows what'll happen... I didn't know what to say. How do I tell him I don't want to go home without do so verbally? Sugawara focused on me. Please be able to tell that I do not want to go home. "What if you stayed with me instead? I don't live far from here and I get to make sure you're safe and that your night ends well". His eyes were still trained on me. My heart dropped after he asked me that question. "Sure if it's not too much..." I answered shyly and started to play with my fingers. "Spending time with you is never too much". Did he just-...he flirted with me? No I'm thinking too much, there's no way that he is. I looked away and shifted my eyes to Niko and Asahi who were speaking to each other. Niko gave Asahi a goodbye hug and walked up to us. "I had so much fun today! We should definitely hangout more. Maya you are so cool!" Niko praised me and I got embarrassed. "She's right you know" Sugawara added. Niko waved goodbye to us as she went home. I looked at Sugawara. "Well time to go to my place" he lightly shrugged awkwardly. All of this was so new to me...Am I really about to go to someone else's house? A male's house? I took my shoes off along with Sugawara before he opened the door to his house. We entered and I felt nervous. I couldn't help it, I was nervous for different reasons. Every time I go home something bad happens and the last time I did I was almost raped by my own father and here I am in a boy's house. What the hell am I doing here? I can't be believe I have come this far. "Make yourself at home. My main concern right now is if you feel comfortable". Should I tell him the truth? "I never stood over at a friend's house before..." Not that I had friends in the first place. "Well that just means I have to make you feel even more welcomed" he smiled gently. I just need to calm myself down then I would feel welcomed... Sugawara has been so kind to me since I met him, there's no way he would harm me right? Should I trust him? "Here you go Maya" he handed me a bottle of water. "Thank you". I grabbed the bottle from his hand and my finger grazed his. I flinched at the touch of his skin. I am staying with the same boy that terrified me by hugging me. Feeling his skin again scared me, Maya stop being such a p*ssy and calm down. Trust Sugawara, open up yourself and let him see who you are. You don't have to do it all at once. After Sugawara showed me around his house he walked me into his room. Oh God I'm in a boy's bedroom. His room was way better than mine, even before it was destroyed. The room was well kept and comfortable. He walked to his closet and pulled something out, he handed me one of his hoodies. "Here you can change into this...I hope you feel cozy in it". I blushed as I took the hoodie. "I'll go change into it". Why am I acting so shy today, God Maya man up. I went to the bathroom to change out of my school uniform. I stared at the hoodie Sugawara gave to me. It was a bright arctic blue, a nice color. I pulled it on and it was big on me. I know I'm underweight but I didn't expect it to be so big, he's only an inch taller than me. I mean I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining...I really like oversized hoodies. It smells just like Sugawara, that scent that gives me comfort. I looked in the mirror above the sink to see how I looked in Sugawara's hoodie. I smiled at myself, liking the way it looked on me. I picked up my school uniform and hung it up on a hanger and placed it in Sugawara's room. "Are you ready for bed?" Sugawara asked me placing blankets on the floor and a pillow. I walked to where he was standing and he tilted his head. "What are you doing?" he asked me. "...Getting ready to sleep". "I'm going to sleep on the floor and you sleep on my bed" he motioned towards it. I looked at it and felt shy again. "Are...are you sure?" I asked him looking at the blankets on the floor. "Why would I have you sleep on the floor?" He shook his head. I climbed onto the bed and put my phone to charge, that thing has been dead for so long. "Hey Maya... I want to say that it really was fun to hangout with you today, seriously. I really mean it." I felt my heart skip a beat. "Thank you...I had a lot of fun too" I smiled even though he couldn't see it. I plugged in my headphones and started to listen to my favorite rapper. XXXtentacion. The song I had playing was called save me, I felt connected to this one. I clenched the hoodie I was wearing and held it close to my nose. So save me Before I fall So save me I don't wanna go alone So save me Before I fall So save me I don't wanna go alone Save me Koshi Sugawara.


	8. Chapter 8

I was curled up, fetus style on Sugawara's bed. I opened my eyes as I heard movement around the room. I scratched my eye as I lifted my body up and Sugawara faced me. "Good morning Maya, I'm sorry if I woke you" he rubbed the back of his head. I yawned as I looked out the window, the light from the sun was shining through it. "I was gonna wake up soon anyway. Thank you for letting me sleep on your bed" my tone was sheepish. "It was no big deal..." his eyes traveled away from me. I wondering what he's thinking about.  
Suga's POV  
I really had a girl stay over at my house...my face heated up. Calm down Suga, it wasn't that serious all she did was sleep over. I breathed in and back out. I looked at her again and saw how secure she seemed in my hoodie, it brought a smile to my face. It was pretty big on her but she looked so precious, like she wasn't hurting in this moment. "I'm going to make you so breakfast, so you can go to the bathroom while I'm in the kitchen" I told her. She nodded her head and slowly climbed off the bed and made her way to the bathroom, my eyes following her. It was like she had a magnetic force that my eyes fell into until she finally entered the bathroom. I need to go to the kitchen to start making her some food, I want to be the one who makes sure she eats properly.  
I entered the kitchen and started think of what I could make her. I decided to go with porridge because it's quick and easy, I don't want to overwhelm her since she isn't much of an eater. I grabbed each of the ingredients which include, 1/2 cup of short grain rice, 3 cups of water, 1/2 tsp salt, and I decided to add a bit of sesame seeds. I grabbed a bowl and put the rice grains in there to wash them and dumped the grains into a strainer to drain out the water. I grabbed a medium sized pot from the cabinet and placed onto the stove and poured three cups of water in there. Afterwards I poured the rice into the pot to let it sit for thirty minutes. Hopefully I don't screw up this meal. I heard footsteps approaching the kitchen, it was Maya. I watched her stretch her arms into the air causing the hoodie to rise up at bit, I looked away in case the hoodie rose up too much and showed her stomach. I don't know why I was feeling awkward about it. "I'm making you some porridge...it'll be ready soon". She sat down on the dining chair and was swinging her legs ever so slightly.  
After the first thirty minutes I covered the pot and it started to boil. I turned the heat to low and let the rice stay in there for another thirty minutes, as those thirty minutes were passing by I sat in front of Maya. Even though she spent the night together, I have no clue what to saw to her right now. Maya's eyes lifted up and stared at me while I was looking down on the table. "Sugawara...how come you're being so nice to me?" Maya asked suddenly. Her voice sharp and her eyebrows furrowed. My heart dropped, what does she mean? Aren't I supposed to respect people? "Maya you're my friend. Why would I treat you as if you weren't" I responded to her as truthful as I could. Her question made me wonder what sorts of things happened to her. Is she used to people treating her horribly? I mean that would explain a lot of things. I sighed as my mind went everywhere. Maya I would love to know what your past was like, your present, I want to know your parents. I want to be able to understand Maya more and the things that roam around her mind. She looked away from me and traced her finger onto the table. I need to connect with her.  
When the porridge was finished I grabbed a container of sesame seeds from a cabinet and put it next to Maya. She watched me as I severed her some of the porridge. "It's not much but I hope you like it...I usually put sesame seeds in mine, do you want some in yours?" She grabbed the container of sesame seeds and examined them, she opened the container and looked inside. I quietly watched as she was taking her time to look at the seeds. She brought it towards her bowl and shook some in there but too much came out. The seeds flew all over the bowl and some fell onto the table. Her eyes widened and her lips separated, I chuckled at her reaction and she turned her head to me. Once her eyes reached mine I stopped laughing. She gave me a look, a look I don't know how to describe but it made my insides tie in knots. My face was flushed. "Um don't worry about it, I'll clean that up for you" I told her breathlessly. I turned towards the kitchen and grabbed a garbage bag and went back to the dinning table. I swept the seeds that were on the table with my hand and threw them into the bag and I placed it into the kitchen. She took a breath and grabbed her spoon to start eating her porridge. I felt bad, though, she had too many sesame seeds in her bowl but I saw her place the spoon into her mouth. She swallowed it. "So...what do you think?" I asked her while she was looking at the spoon. "It's okay I guess. I definitely put to many seeds in there". I smiled at her response, she may not think it's super delicious but at least she kind of likes it. "It's definitely not better than spicy mapo tofu" she stated scooping more of the porridge onto the spoon. My heart dropped. She tried my favorite food before? And she liked it? I smiled to myself as I sat down and started to eat with Maya. 

We packed our things and headed to school. On our way we met up with Niko, Asahi, and Daichi. "Hi Suga! Hiya Maya! Oh my God this going to be the first time you ever went to school with us!" she bounced causing her pigtails to jump with her body. Maya smiled weakly and waved at them. "Hey everyone" I waved at them too. "Guys I'm sorry again that I couldn't make it to the movies with you" Daichi said. "No it's cool" Asahi reassured him. I looked at Maya who was looking elsewhere. That girls seems to never not have something on her mind. She then brought her eyes to mine and stepped closer to. "Um Sugawara bubble tea...?" when she asked her eyes shifted away as if she was embarrassed and both of her pointer fingers were touching while her lips pouted a bit. This made me smile at her. I looked at the time on my phone. "Yeah we've got time" I moved towards my other friends, "Guys we should go get bubble tea before we get to school". "OOOOH yes I agree!!" Niko smashed her hands together and then pulled Asahi's arm. That poor guy got hiss hands full with that one. As we started to walk I felt Maya's body brush up against mine causing my heart to skip a beat and my breathing to irregulate. She was walking pretty close to me, with her hands in the pocket of the hoodie I gave her. She decided to continue wearing it. I felt myself gulp. I want to hold her hand but I refrained from doing so, I should wait before doing something like that, I can't forget that she got frightened by me hugging her.  
The bubble tea place smelled so fruity, such a appetizing scent. "Maya do you want the same one you had last time?" I turned to her as she looked at a poster that was hung onto the wall showing the different flavors. "I certainly want the passion fruit bubbles again..hm but I think I'll try the taro flavor this time" she kept her eyes on the poster. I grinned knowing that she was open to trying knew things. I bought our drinks and waited for them to be done and Maya approached me. "Do you remember the first time you had bubble tea?" she asked me with a straight face. "I know I was in middle school and I was with Niko. I remember her telling me that when she was watching her favorite tv show she saw a character that she loved drink bubble tea and that she had to have some too. Niko is very dramatic if you couldn't tell, but yeah we went into this same one and tried it together". Niko and I have been friends for as long as I can remember, we have done a lot of things together.  
Maya's POV  
I asked Sugawara if he remembered the first time he had bubble tea. The question was roaming around my head since I just tried some last night. I never want to forget that moment I got a taste of it. It probably would seem like a dumb memory to other people but for me it was a special moment. A moment that I had with people that I can call my friends, where we enjoyed something together. I never had a moment like that before.  
Sugawara passed me my tea and he held his. I looked at my bubble tea and it was a lilac color and put the straw into my mouth. This one was really good, I like this more than the strawberry flavor I had yesterday. I saw Sugawara hold his tea, he took the coconut one and I watched him take a sip of his. His cheeks looked chubby as he was drinking the tea. He looked cute while drinking his tea. "Come guys let's head to school before we're late" Daichi stated. "Onward!" Niko pointed towards the bus stop with her eyebrows down and drinking her tea, it was a pink rose color. "You wanna try this one?" Sugawara asked me. He reached his drink out to me. "Do-do you want me to use the same straw...?" I awkwardly asked him. His face flushed, "I-I uh I mean I don't think it really matters..." The drink was already in front of me and I didn't want to waste anymore time by switching the straws but do I really want to put my mouth on something that was already in his? I sighed and stuck the straw into my mouth and sucked on it. The drink was still in Sugawara's hand as I was taking a sip. I pulled away from the straw and started to think about the flavor. I titled my head and Sugawara moved the drink back towards him. "It's okay, not really for me" I told him in a monotone voice. I wondered if he ever tried the taro tea. Do I offer him some? Is he gonna drink from the same straw? I started to panic and just rushed my hand in front of him. "You want to try some?" I asked him while having my head down and my eyes shut. Sugawara was taken aback by this. I opened my eyes and slowly looked up at him. He was shocked and he lightly blushed as he leaned forward to drink out of the straw. When he pulled away I moved back and looked at him. "Ooh that was is good, I'm surprised I haven't tried that one yet" he smiled kindly.

I was in the locker room and I had to change into my volleyball uniform. When I pulled off the hoodie to put the uniform shirt on but as soon as I took it off I immediately felt insecure. I grabbed my arm and stared at my hoodie. I want to put it back on so badly. Why do I miss it so much? I put the hoodie onto my lap and started to fiddle with the sleeve. "Oh hey Maya" I heard a voice coming from above me. I looked up and saw Ella standing up and facing me. Since I was sitting on the bench I had to continue looking up for me to see her. "Hey Ella". I thought I was the only one left in the locker room. I pulled the shirt over my head and got up from the bench. "Are you ready for practice?" she asked me. "To be honest I'm really not..." I moved my eyes to the floor. She put a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to her. "Maya don't the nerves get to you" she gave me a welcoming smile before leaving the locker room. I took a deep breath and followed behind her.  
Niko waved at me once I entered the gym and I waved back. I never care to practice, I don't want to play this sport. As we were practicing I put in little to no effort into the game and the coach took notice of it. "Gonzalez!" The coach called out to me. I groaned as I dragged my feet towards the coach. "Gonzalez I am so f*cking tired of not working hard when playing volleyball. If you aren't going to f*cking focus then don't play the damn sport!" As the coach was yelling at me spit was flying onto to face and I felt disgusted. I wiped my face and rolled my eyes. I walked away from the coach and stood next to Niko. "I'm so sorry that you got yelled at by the coach" Niko furrowed her eyebrows. "I always get yelled at, this isn't anything knew" I grumbled.  
I attempted to put more energy into the game but I didn't want to. My mind was set on Sugawara...he brings me a sort of comfort that I would never understand. I felt my face get hot. "Maya are you okay? Do you need to sit out? Do you need some water?" Niko was extremely concerned. I felt embarrassed even though she couldn't tell that I was blushing. "Niko I'm okay..." I rubbed my arm still thinking about Sugawara. Maybe I could go out with him again today...well I mean Niko and Asahi too, maybe Daichi can tag along with us this time. I smiled to myself hoping to have a good time. I took a deep breath in and out. Maya calm down, you only spent one night with him...but he makes me forget about everything. I put my focus on him, I think I'm starting to scare myself.  
After practice I made sure to put the hoodie back on. As soon as I pulled it on, I smiled to myself, still being able to smell Sugawara's scent. I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder. I want to meet up with Sugawara by the boys gym. I sped walked over there, feeling a little impatient to see him. I reached the boys gym and waited until I saw Sugawara. So many people were coming out and they were crowding the area. I moved my head around to search for him. Once the hall started to clear up I saw a blonde girl facing Sugawara. She was talking to him, she was standing so close and he was looking into her. Who is that? I watched as they were talking to each other, I don't have a clue what they were talking about though. I clenched my book bag and continued staring. They were talking for what seemed like forever (I'm most likely exaggerating). Sugawara started to blush heavily and I was taken aback. What were they talking about? Why is he blushing so hard? Their conversation finally ended and the blonde girl turned away from him. She was really beautiful, her hair was flowing, her eyes a twinkling blue, and her lips plumped and shiny. When I saw her I gulped and felt strange. I pulled the hood onto my head, it was so big it covered some of my forehead. My heart was pounding abnormally, it was freaking me out. I turned around and dashed to the exit. What is this emotion? I grabbed the hoodie and let the fabric rub in between my fingers. I need to get away from here.

Next thing I knew I was standing in front of the door to my apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

Suga's POV  
After I changed into my school uniform I walked out of the gym to wait for Daichi. Asahi already left the gym and met up with Niko. Niko was giggling while Asahi was speaking to her. "Niko...where's Maya?" I interrupted their conversation, wondering why Maya isn't with her. "She told me it was okay to wait for her outside of the gym..." She responded to me. I sighed. Daichi finally came out of the gym, "Hey guys sorry for taking so long". "It's cool, we have to wait for Maya anyway" I replied without looking at him. I wanted to see when Maya came over here. "Suga? Oh my God Suga!" I heard a voice call out to me, it didn't sound like Maya but I still hoped it was. I saw who was calling my name. Veronica. "Oh hey Veronica..." I didn't want to speak to her right now. I haven't had a conversation with Veronica in so long, I already moved on. Just to clear things up we never dated, I had feelings for her but it was kind of one-sided. "How are things. It's been so long! I feel like I haven't spoken to you in forever" she whined. "Yeah...Yeah" my eyes traveled above her head, searching for Maya. It became harder for me to try and search for Maya because the hallway was getting crowded and I was stuck here with Veronica. "So I've seen you around a few times but never got the chance to actually speak to you. Who is that girl that you're always with?" Veronica questioned me while staring into my eyes. Veronica I don't need you to look into my soul, I have someone that I want to see. "You- you mean Maya?" I wondered why she was asking me about Maya. "Oh so she has a name" she rolled her eyes. It upset me that she made that remark. "Remember when we used to talk all the time? I miss our talks you should talk to me more often" she pouted, pushing her already plumped lips forward. "Yeah I remember but sometimes people just lose touch..." I was over this conversation already. "You must like this Maya chick don't you?" Her eyebrows moved down a tiny bit. Her question caused me to blush lightly. Why- why would she ask me that? "Don't call her a chick, she's a female just like you" I stated and she rolled her eyes again. "Whatever".  
I groaned wanting this to be over. "Why are you so interested in Maya?" I interrogated her. "No the question is why are you so interested in her?" she put so much emphasis on the word you. I stepped back and I felt my face flush heavily. The tips of my ears we on fire right now. Do I have feelings for Maya? Would it be a bad thing if I did? I hope not. If I do have feelings for Maya would this also be one-sided? I started to feel insecure and afraid of my own feelings. "Listen it shouldn't be a big deal. Even if she doesn't like you back, that means she doesn't have good taste" her tone was smug. She doesn't have good taste? Are you trying to compliment me when you broke my heart before? She was making me annoyed. I shook my head. "You shouldn't say that about her. Maya is a great person and even if she doesn't like me back, I'll still try and be the friend she needs." I stood my ground and defended Maya. Veronica gasped. "Did you just admit to having feelings for her?" She lifted one eyebrow and leaned closer to me. I wish I knew what my face looked like right now. It's most likely a deep red because my blood was rushing to my cheeks, if someone was cold right now they could easily warm up from the heat coming from my face. I do...I do like Maya don't I? I took a breath in and out. Veronica giggled. "Oh you...Look at you trying to get forbidden fruit" she smiled mischievously. "What are you talking about?" I shook my head lightly. "Sugawara open your damn eyes. That girl is broken. She wouldn't know how to love you. You should just get over her while you can" she shrugged her shoulders. "Veronica I do not need your input." "Well don't come back to me when you see she doesn't put in the same amount of energy you do" she turned around and left. Niko approached me.  
"Suga who was that?" Niko asked me watching Veronica walk away. "That was Veronica..." "Well I'm glad she went bye bye because I did not get the good feelies when she was around" she shook her head like a baby. "Yeah you and me both". Niko and I rejoined Daichi and Asahi. "Guys we should go and check on Maya, I feel like she would have been back already" I felt worried about her. "Aye aye captain!" She saluted and started bouncing towards the girls gym. I hope Maya is okay I looked down on the floor. "Suga don't look so worried, Maya should be fine" Asahi gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded my head, hoping that was true. Next thing I knew Niko came skipping back to us. "Guys me no see Maya in the gym or in the locker room" Niko's eyebrows furrowed. Where could Maya have gone? "Should we go look for her?" I questioned my friends. "Where would we even look for her?" Daichi answered with another question. We all shrugged not knowing where to look. "Let's just leave and hope for the best" Daichi suggested. I didn't like that idea. I wanted to make sure Maya is safe. I don't know why I made it like my mission to protect her, it just sort of happened and that's one mission I do not plan on failing. But did I really have a choice. I sighed I just want to be the one to take care of her. I kept taking deep breaths trying to regulate my breathing. Niko put a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to face her. "Suga please be calmer, it'll be much easier if you weren't so worked up" Asahi suggested. He's right, usually I try to promote positivity but I can't help but feel worried about Maya. I just want her to know what happiness feels like. Niko grabbed Asahi's hand as we started to leave and I moved my eyes away from them. Damn I miss Maya.  
Maya's POV  
I stared at my apartment's door. Why did I come here? All I remember was feeling upset and blacking out until I ended up here. I don't want to enter that apartment, there's no way I can bring myself to do that. I don't know how long I'll wait until I decided to go inside but today is not the day. I think I would need to mentally prepare myself before I step into it. I sat down on the steps that lead into the apartment. My eyes started to water, but I didn't know why I was on the verge of crying. My life has been all over the place lately. I have these disgusting parents to deal with while learning how to be a friend. I lowered my head as the tears we falling off my face landing onto the steps. Where do I go if not inside this apartment? I have no other place to go. I miss my aunt. I want to live with her. I know that if I move in with my aunt things would go at least a little more smoothly but I'm just an unlucky b*tch who could never have things go my way. I quietly sobbed until I heard movement near the door. I got frightened and got up from the steps. My mind was running fast and I felt that my legs should be too. I can't have my parents know that I'm here. I jumped off the steps and went onto the sidewalk.  
My legs started going as fast as they could. I don't think I've actually ran like this before. It felt like my life was in danger, it probably was. Where was I going? Do I have a place to go? As I was running the wind was drying up my tears but more were being created. I wish I knew what I was doing but I am far from so. My breathing was increasing due to my anxiety. I can't stop running now. But my legs had another plan. They gave out and I fell onto my knees and my body was trembling. Tears were shooting out of my eyes, I feel so pathetic. I need to get up from the ground. I placed one foot flat onto the ground and my leg was shaking. Come one body you can't fail me now. I move my other leg until I was standing up again. I need a place to go but I can't run anymore. I started to walk and scan my surroundings until I realized I recognized this area. I think I know where I'm headed now.

I knocked on the door of the house. My heart was racing but this was the only place I felt that I was able to stay at. Please answer the door. Please I need you right now. I started to hear movement as someone was walking towards the door. I watched as the door gently opened. "Maya?" Sugawara's eyebrows moved down, he looked confused. Every emotion I was feeling was getting mixed up and I didn't know how to process it properly.  
I threw myself at Sugawara and wrapped my arms around his torso and held him tightly against my chest. He was shocked but he put his hands around my back. I let out what I was feeling. I sobbed into his neck as my tears were falling onto the shirt he was wearing.


	10. Chapter 10

I felt my eyes open and I saw that I was in Sugawara's room. On his bed. But there was one difference this time...he was on the bed with me. My body was engulfed in his arms, they wrapped perfectly around me. My eyes traveled from Sugawara's chest to his face. He was sleeping so peacefully, it was a really pretty sight. I smiled to myself and snuggled into his chest, feeling the warmth of his body next to mine. I had my ear on his chest and was able to hear the soothing sound of his heartbeat. I was studying the sound to the point I knew when his heart was gonna pump again. I couldn't help but savor this moment because this is the first time I've ever been this close to someone. The first time I allowed myself to this close to someone. I don't want anything to ruin this tranquil moment. I need to have more times like this where my head is empty and letting myself actually feel okay for once. I watched as Sugawara's eyes softly fluttered opened. Our eyes connected, it felt amazing to have Sugawara's eyes be one for the first things I've seen this morning. His mouth started to form into a smile. "Good morning Maya" his voice was quiet and groggy, still cute for a morning voice. "Good morning Sugawara" I felt myself blush and look away from him. I felt him start to release his grip from my body and shift over to the side. He sat up and stretched his arms out as I was crawling out of the bed. "Did you sleep okay?" he was rubbing one of his eyes. I nodded my head. Who would of thought that the best sleep I've ever gotten would the time I was cuddling with someone? It doesn't even sound right but that does not stop it from being true.  
When I got off the bed I pulled down the tee shirt that Sugawara let me borrow because since this was also big on me it rose up. I turned around and saw Sugawara open the door to the bedroom and make his way to the bathroom. It's crazy how much I feel myself change because of him, the effect he has on me is so strong but definitely in a good way. He makes me feel safe even when I'm no where near danger. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom and waited for Sugawara to leave. "You now have access to the bathroom" he bowed. I lightly shook my head while I rolled my eyes with a small smile plastered on my lips. I walked in there and the first thing I did was look at myself in the mirror.  
The monster was still there but she was different. She was cozy, there was no worry in her eyes. The monster was almost the opposite of who she used to be. I nodded my head. I'm proud of you monster, continue to fight those battles.  
I loved how welcoming Sugawara was last night. I know I just randomly showed up here but he took me in. I could tell he had a million questions but he held them all back and comforted me. It's like he knew what I needed without me asking or telling him. I know he is someone that I can turn to for help and he'll be there for me. I'm not used to trusting people this fast, or at all for that matter, but maybe it was time for me to do. I think one day I could finally let go of all the things that have been building inside of me. I don't know what I did to deserve to have him in my life but I definitely don't want him to go anytime soon.  
I made my way back to Sugawara who was setting up plates for the both of us. "I made you breakfast" he sang in a jolly tone. I wasn't hungry but I didn't want to tell him that. I knew he was going to want me to eat anyway. He severed me some scrambled eggs and gave me a couple of sausages. "Thank you". "Anytime! I always want to make sure you eat well". He didn't realize that I wasn't just thanking him for the breakfast. No. It was way more than that. He pulled the chair out that was next to mine and sat down. He scooped up some of his eggs and smiled before he ate it. I don't think I've ever seen someone look so adorable eating eggs before. I picked at the food, not really interested in eating but I felt his eyes on me. "Sugawara do I really have to eat this?" I felt so full like I ate a horse. He sighed, "Fine if you don't like my cooking you can just say so" he said in a jokingly tone. "You know that's not why"... "Yeah, yeah I know". He got up from his seat and collected both of our plates and I felt his body next to mine. My breathing enhanced as I wondered what he was going to do. He moved his head lower until I felt his lips on the top of my head. I was no longer able to breathe. My insides started to tie up and my face felt hotter than it ever did before. Did he just kiss me? Well my head but hiss lips were still on me. My lips separated still trying to process what just happened. No matter how much I try to make sense of it I can't all I know is...I want him to do it again.  
We got ready for school and headed out of the house. I started thinking about volleyball. Strange. I know. The reason why volleyball came into my was because we're supposed to have our first game today. I don't even want to be apart of that game. Why would I? For the coach to yell at me not only in front of my teammates but the other school as well? Yeah no thanks, that did not sound appealing at all. What if I were to quit volleyball? I don't enjoy it anyway. But what if my mother found out? If she did I'll just stand up to her. Unless she some how overpowers me? No that won't happen, I fought too many battles with my mother. I know my way around. What if she finds a new way to bring me down? My mind was swirling. "Hey Maya...are you okay?" Sugawara snapped me out of the awful trance I was in. "Oh uh yeah. I was just thinking about stuff" I refused to look at him, I know his eyes were on me. I can feel them. He nodded his head and we continued to go to the bus stop. "Doesn't the girls team also have their first game today?" he tilted his head. Oh God not him breaking me out of my thoughts just to start a conversation about the very topic that put me in the trance. I slowly nodded my head. "I bet you'll do great" he tried to speak words of encouragement. Oh Sugawara if only you knew how badly I didn't want to be in the game or in the team. But how would he know if I never told him?  
"Maaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaa!" Niko giggled and hopped in front of me. "Hiya Maya! How are you doing on this beautiful day?" her smile beamed at me. I know I've been smiling a lot more recently but I don't think I could ever be on Niko's level. "I'm doing pretty okay" I replied. "That's amazing Maya. You feeling good makes me have the good feelies that make me want to jump around and show my excitement!" She started to bounce and clap her hands. Oh Niko calm your little self down. Asahi came from behind Niko and gave her a hug. Niko gasped and turned around. "Asahi bear!" She hugged him right back. They're too cute, I hate it. "Come on love birds, Daichi said he was gonna be here any second" Sugawara informed us. "Okay!" Niko replied while Asahi snuck in a quick peck on her cheek. I started to fiddle with my fingers. There's a relationship growing right in front of me and it made me wonder if I would ever get that. I shook my head. Maya slow down, it's not like you are really looking for a relationship anyway. My eyes traveled to wear Sugawara was standing. He was staring at his phone but I guess he felt me looking at him and our eyes locked in with each other. He gave me a cutesy smiled and looked back at his phone. His smile. His smile did a lot to me. In the words of Niko, it gave me the good feelies. 

"Girls be on your A game" the coach stated sternly as we were all huddle up together. Wow thanks for the pep talk Coach I think I'm seeping in confidence right now. We started to separate when I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I turned my head and I saw Ella there. "Good luck Maya!" She gave me an encouraging smile. "Oh thank you and... same to you". I was so not ready for this game. One I barely practiced and two I have no real reason to put any effort into this game. I took a deep breath in as the other team made their way into our gym. There were people who were sitting on the bleachers waiting for the match to start. I looked towards Niko who looked like a nervous wreck. "Hey Niko are you okay?" I questioned her. She shook her head. "I got a tingling feeling inside my stomach" her mouth looked like an ocean wave. Aw she was scared. I never witness Niko feel a negative emotion before...I think I might cry. "Listen Niko I know this is the first game and you want to do well but think about it like this...since it's the first game you get to test out your playing style and whatever you feel like doesn't work for you, you try something new. Then just remember the things you struggled with and work on that during practice so when we have the second game you'll already have an idea of how you'd want to play since you already went against people that weren't your own teammates" I explained to her on the spot. Her eyes lit up. "Wow Maya you're a genius! I never would of thought about it like that. And you sound like you know what you're talking about" her smile shined into my face. She was right. How did I make up a speech like that?  
I saw referees preparing themselves for the game that was going to start in just a few moments. Everyone on my team either looked nervous or confident there was no in between unless you count me. I stretched my arms out and I started to think about Sugawara. How is he feeling right now? His game should be starting soon as well. I know he'll do fine since this isn't his first volleyball game ever, he is a third year after all. I heard the whistle blow signaling that the game was starting. Our team got to serve first I watched as one of my teammates threw the ball into the air and spiked it towards the other team. Looks like the game has officially started. I heard the Horikoshi team yell at each other as the ball was flying towards them. A person from Horikoshi jumped and slid onto the floor to get the boy. See this is the problem, I would never try that hard. The first set was given to us and our team cheered, they hugged each other and I wasn't going to hug any of them, maybe Niko... "Maya we did it! We won" she started to hop. "Niko. Did you forget that there are two sets?" I asked her while drinking some water. "Aw man" she bent over and let her hand droop down. This nimrod, I rolled my eyes. I patted her back, "Niko don't cause a scene" I looked at our teammates who were staring at us. The only one who wasn't paying us any mind was Ella, she was in her own world. "I'm sorry Maya! We're gonna win the second set right?!" her eyes turned into sparkles. How do I answer this question? "Maybe..." I shrugged my shoulders. She gave me a blank stare. "Okay Niko we can win this" her face got bright again. I sighed, oh Niko what would the world do without you? We lost the second set. "Maya since there were two sets already how are they gonna choose who wins?" Niko furrowed her eyebrows. "Well what they do is, put the team names into a hat and they shake it up and whatever team gets pulled out is the one that wins" I told her with a straight face. She gasped. "That means they leave it to the mother of fate?!" her eyes twinkled and seemed so excited about it. "Um Niko I was just kidding. That doesn't actually happen...we have to play one more game" I felt bad that she believed me. "Aw man I would of loved to see what the mother of fate would have chosen" her eyes were still twinkling. Niko promise me you'll continue you being you. "GONZALEZ!" The coach yelled out to me. I huffed and approached the coach. "Yes coach?" there was attitude in my tone. "We only have need to win this set. You better not f*cking screw this f*cking game up" she yelled at me. Ah yes being verbally abusive is the best way to make students feel motivated. Wow I can't wait to play this set! I rolled my eyes and walked away from that b*tch. "Maya does the coach like bullying you?" Niko asked me furrowing her eyebrows again. "I guess so, I need to have someone to at least verbally abuse me everywhere I am" I accidentally said out loud. Niko gave me a concerned looked. Oh sh*t I can't believe I let that slip. "Niko just forget I said that" I felt really flustered. She looked to the floor and played with her fingers. "Maya I'm always here if you have to get those very bad feelies out" she told me genuinely. I would love to let all of it go, but the emotion that would come with it is something I don't want people to see. It's already bad enough Sugawara saw me sobbing like the b*tch I am. During the game I noticed Niko looking at me a few times. Great now I made her feel worried about me. I don't even have to think about my parents anymore, well at least for a while because I'm hopping to stay with Sugawara for a little while longer. As I was getting lost in thought the ball came flying in but I paid zero attention to it. My teammates were able to get the ball and get it over the net. "GONZALEZ!" The coach yelled my name breaking me out of my thoughts. F*ck! Why do I always get lost into my thoughts? I walked back to the coach, "You're getting benched and we're putting in the other setter" I don't think I've ever heard her voice be in any tone besides on angry one. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bench, at least I no longer have to be in the game. I sat back and let the game play out for itself. We won the game. I clapped my hands while sitting on the bench. Our school cheered so loudly and were so proud of themselves. Niko bounced to me. "We won Maya! Wait we won the match this time right?" She tilted her head. I smiled a bit, "Yeah Niko we won". She bounced in front of me and she looked like she wanted to give someone a hug. I sighed because Asahi nor Sugawara were here so I had to be the one to hug her. Yeah I'm starting to get used to hugging but usually I do it in the moment...and the only person I hugged was Sugawara. I got up from the bench and took a breath in as Niko watched me. I reached my arms out and Niko looked so excited and she jumped into my arms. I stumbled due to her jumping on me. "Yay I got to hug Maya!" Niko smiled while still holding onto me. "Yeah...I don't think it's that big of a deal" although it was nice to get a hug from this ball of energy. Niko let go of me and looked up at me. "I could get hugs from you multiple times a day and that wouldn't make a Maya hug any less special" Niko smiled at me. That was really flattering. "Um thanks Niko..." "Asahi bear! Sugie! Guess what we won!" Niko was hopping again. "Congratulations" Asahi gave Niko a quick kiss on her lips. "I knew you'd win" Sugawara smiled. I put a hand on my arm. "I didn't even do much" I mumbled to myself. "We also won too! This is so perfect, we should go and celebrate" Sugawara suggested.


	11. Chapter 11

Niko POV  
I was holding Asahi bear's hand as I wondered where we should go. Hmmm. "OOh guys what if we went to the cat café?!" I started bouncing up and down still holding onto Asahi bear's hand. I always wanted to go to the cat café because I love animals and I want to play with the wittle cats! Maya lifted up her head. "That doesn't sound too bad" she said quietly. Aw Maya is so adorable! "Well I guess we're going to the cat café" Sugie smiled. I love when he smiled because it reminds me of our childhood. I'm so happy that we're going to the cat café. I started bouncing again and my hair was moving up and down with my body. I want to roll around with the wittle cats. I clapped my hands and grabbed Asahi bear's again and pulled him, making him drag behind me. "It's time to go to the cat café!" I said with excitement in my tone.  
Once I saw the cat café I got excited all over again. The building had a Mr. Grumpy cat that reminded me of my uncle, it was so cute. "Guys look the café is right there!" I pointed impatiently at it. I felt my body jitter from all the excitement. I really want to play with some cats. I ran to the cat café and pressed my face against the glass. The inside was so beautiful and I saw so many cats walking around. "Niko I don't think you should have your face on the glass like that" Asahi bear told me. "How come?" I asked still having my face against the glass. There was a wrinkly woman sitting down with some cats but when she caught eye of me she looked like she saw creepy crawlies. "That's why" Asahi bear said. "I want to go in there so badly. If I don't go in there soon I might die!" I whined. Asahi bear sighed. "I was going to wait until Suga and Maya caught up with us...but I can't saw no to you so let's go in" Asahi bear started to open the door. I was hopping because I really wanted to be with the cats and my hair was jumping too. I like the feeling of my hair bouncing because it feels like we're playing jump rope. Even though I'm not good at. I walked through the door and looked around. "Asahi bear look at the chubby one over there! These cats are so cute!" I want to put them inside my pocket but it would be difficult because my pockets are small. I kneeled down to be at the same level as the cat. "The cats are almost as cute as you" Asahi bear complimented me. I turned my head to him and gave him a closed eye smile. "Aw thank you Asahi bear!" He smiled back at me. I really love Asahi's smiles they make me so happy.  
"Hey guys I hope we didn't miss anything" Sugie stated while Maya was standing next to him. "You missed Niko accidentally scaring a cat" Asahi bear chuckled. "Hey I didn't mean to scare him away" I pouted. "This café is pretty cute" I heard Maya say. I turned my head to look at her. Maya's cheeks were rosy, which was so cute because I love roses! I noticed that Maya had on Sugie's jacket. Did she have on his jacket this entire time? I don't remember her wearing his jacket. "Hey Maya how come you have Sugie's jacket?" I asked her and her face got redder. I titled my head, why did her face get redder? "Oh Sugawara gave it to me because I was cold" she responded. Hmm it sounds believable to me. I moved my eyes to Sugie who was looking away. That must mean he's feeling embarrassed! I wonder why he's feeling embarrassed. I got up from the floor and my legs felt super wobbly. It reminded me of jenga when you choose the wrong one and the blocks start to shake. I leaned against Asahi bear for balance.  
"Hello. Welcome to the cat café" I heard a female's voice say. I turned to the side and saw a girl our age wearing a cat maid outfit. It was really cute. I want a cat maid outfit! Would Asahi bear also think they're cute? "Oh hello guys" the girl said. Her hair was gray almost like Sugie's, that's so cool. "Hey Ella" Maya smiled a bit. How does Maya know her? Who is she? "Let me guess, you guys are here to celebrate Karasuno's win right?" she asked. How does she know about our school? "Yeah we are! I wanted to play with the cats!" I started to bounce. "Well I see someone has gotten feeling in their legs again" Asahi bear looked into my eyes. "Yeah finally I miss hopping!" "Niko you were hopping around like a minute ago" Asahi bear told me still looking into my eyes. I moved my face closed to his, our faces were only inches apart. "That was a minute too many!" I started hopping again. Asahi bear smiled and put an arm around my waist. "You guys are lucky though. You're here to celebrate Karasuno's win and here I am working" the girl who was apparently named Ella stated. Wait she knows about Karasuno? How does she know about Karasuno's win? I put my fingers on my chin like the thinking emoji. "Yeah Niko decided that we come here to celebrate" Sugie replied. "Well you picked the right place. Are you ready to order anything?" Ella questioned us. "Oooh I want a crepe! I like mine with Nutella and strawberries!" I felt my eyes twinkle like the stars that I like to look at from my window. "Niko you know you're supposed to control your crepe addiction" Sugie warned me. "Aw come on Sugie I need to have a crepe from this café, it'll complete the whole experience!" I pouted. " Oh just let her have some" Maya said to Sugie. "Okay, but if she starts hopping more than usual don't say I didn't warn you". I clapped my hands. "I think I'll also have a crepe but with banana and caramel sauce" Asahi bear's voice was so soft. "Maya do you want anything" Sugie asked her. She simply shook her head, Sugie's eyes drooped down almost like he was annoyed. "Maya please try something..." She shook her head again. "Since it seem like everyone is ordering crepes, I'll get on too. I'll have the berry and cream one with sugar powder on top". "Would that be all?" Ella smiled. We all nodded our heads. "Okay I'll be back soon with your crepes" she walked away. "Who is that? She was super nice and her outfit is so cute!" I hopped still being next to Asahi bear. "Niko...what do you mean who is that?" Maya asked me while giving me a blank stare. "What?" I shrugged. "Niko she's on the volleyball team with us..." Maya told me. I was confused. "What do you mean she's on our volleyball team with us?" Maya face palmed. "Niko what is saying is that Ella goes to Karasuno with us and she is your teammate" Sugie tried to help and explain. "Oohhh" I nodded my head. "You still don't understand do you?" he asked me. "Nope not even a little bit". Ella approached us giving our plate with the crepes on it. She handed me mine and my mouth watered. Sorry monsieur crepe but you're going to my belly. I sat down next to Asahi bear's legs and picked up my crepe. Bye bye crepe I took a bite of it. Oh my God! The flavor was so good! I turned and went on my knees to face Asahi bear. "You want to try it?!" I was bouncing even on my knees, when I have crepes nothing will stop me from bouncing. "Sure" we swapped plates. His also looked really good! Okay misses crepe I took a bite out of your husband earlier but now it's your turn to go down the same way. I giggled. I picked up the crepe and bit it. This one was also really good! I want to savor the flavor. "Asahi bear this one is also yummy" I smiled so wide showing my teeth. "These crepes are very high quality. Oh you have some caramel sauce on your cheek". Asahi bear licked his thumb and wiped the caramel off my cheek, his touch was so gentle. I smiled again at him. "You want to cut our crepes in half so we get to have both?" he asked me while his eyes looked all around my face. I nodded my head really hard from all the excitement. As Asahi bear was cutting the crepes in half I looked over to Maya and Sugie who were sitting next to each other. I watched as Sugie took a piece of his crepe and hovered it over Maya's mouth. Her eyebrows were down, she looked upset but she leaned it and let Sugie put the crepe inside her mouth. The crepe made her cheek a little chubby. Aw Sugie do you have feelings for Maya? I could tell that Maya makes him feel a special way. I'm so happy right now I could explode. "Here you go" Asahi bear handed me the plate back. I stood up and bit one of the crepes. "What do you think about those two?" I asked Asahi bear innocently while having my mouth sort of full with the crepe. We both looked at them. Sugie was smiling a pretty big smile as Maya kept hers small. "I think they are amazing together". I agree Asahi bear, I agree. It was time for us to go our separate ways, I knew I was going to miss them so fast. "I had so much fun today! You guys are the best" I smashed my hands together and smiled. "I agree today was really fun" Asahi bear said. "Here's to another Karasuno win" Sugie smiled. "I definitely want more wins!" I started hopping really fast. "Guys look, I told you she was going to be out of hand. She's hopping faster than usual" Sugie shook his head. We all laughed together. Wait. We all laughed together? Sugie, Asahi bear, and I all looked at Maya. Her eyes were shifting between all of our faces and hers was only getting redder by the second. Maya started move more into Sugie's jacket, it looked like she was shrinking. "Maya you laughed! It was so cute you should laugh more often!" this made me hop even faster and I was clapping my hands. "You don't have to make a big deal about it...it was just a giggle" she avoided eye contact with us. "Niko you're making Maya feel shy...but she isn't lying, your laugh is cute and we're not used to hearing it" Sugie reassured her. "Well don't get used to it!" she squeezed her eyes shut. Sugie put his arm around her and hugged her. They are so cute together! "Well see you guys at school" I hugged Asahi bear and gave him a goodbye kiss. I hugged Sugie and I turned to Maya. "Do you care for another Niko hug?" I gave her jazz hands. "Fine..." Yay! "Momma I'm home! I had an amazing time today!" I walked to my mother who was sitting on the couch. "That's great honey". I gave my mother a kiss on the top of her head. "Is big sister in her room?" I asked momma. "Yeah that's where you will find her". I skipped to my older sister's room. "Hey big sister!" I knocked on her door. "Come in" she said through the door. I opened the door and entered my older sister's room. I looked at all of her volleyball posters and it made me feel good about our win. "Big sister we won! Can you believe it? Karasuno won! The school I'm in!" I couldn't hide my excitement. "I'm so proud of you". My sister rolled close to me so she can reach her arms out to give me a hug. I bent down a bit so I can hug her back. "You want to look at the stars with me?" big sister asked me. "Of course I do! As if I would pass up this offer!" I grabbed the handles of my sister's wheelchair and lead her to the window. I sat down next to her and we stood in comfortable silence as we looked at the stars.


	12. Chapter 11 told from Maya's Pov

Maya's POV  
Why would Sugawara want to celebrate Karasuno's win, it wasn't a big deal? He's making it seem worth more than what it really is. I don't feel proud about the win at all. I don't see the point in feeling proud about it. I looked at Niko who was holding Asahi's hand. "OOh guys what if we went to the cat café?!" she started to bounce like she always does. How many times does this girl hop in one day? In one hour? A cat café sounds pretty fun, I guess. I remember when my aunt owned a cat once and it attacked my mother and so that was cool. I lifted my head and looked at Niko. "That doesn't sound too bad" I replied actually wanting to go to the café. I never been to the cat café before, if you couldn't tell already I haven't done many things. "Well I guess we're going to the cat café" Sugawara smiled. I met with his eyes and we stared for a little while. Niko started to jump around again. Well it's time to go see some cats. I haven't been around one in forever. I watched as Niko pulled Asahi's hand and run up ahead of us. "It's time to go to the cat café!" Niko's tone was filled with some much excitement.  
I was walking close by Sugawara watching his movement. The sun was setting and brought my eyes to look at the sky. The clouds were like a soft blanket to the sky as the sun was starting to cover itself with the blankets having a pastel pink and orange work hand in hand adding a light touch of blue. "The sky looks so pretty today" I said so monotone. "I agree" Sugawara was also looking up at the sky too. "I love the sky, it's forever changing. Never staying the same for too long" I admitted to him. He smiled at me. "Guys look the café is right there!" Niko pointed at the cat café. It had a cat on top of the building, I wonder why they decided to put that cat there. It was grumpy, wouldn't you want a more welcoming looking cat instead? I watched Niko run a few blocks down to get to the café. "She's just our bundle of joy" Sugawara lightly shook his head. It's true she was though. Asahi followed behind Niko having to pick up his pace. I looked around my surroundings and I saw there were winter peonies blooming. I kneeled down and started to examine it. "Do you like flowers?" Sugawara asked me. How do I feel about flowers? I mean they're cool but I don't want to remember my mother...but she shouldn't affect my answer. "Yeah flowers are cool, I'm not a big flower person but I love nature. I think my favorite is the hibiscus as they come in different colors" I continued to look at the flowers. There was one that was just a sprout, starting it's life. I think I just gotten passed my sprout phase. I felt Sugawara put his hand on my shoulder. I got up and turned to him.  
"I think that's really cute" he smiled a bit. I blushed and looked down. I felt a cool breeze wash over me and I shivered from it. "Oh are you cold?" he titled his head. "No..." I refused to look him in the eye. "Yeah right" he took off his jacket and put it on me. As he was putting the jacket on I fell into his chest. I immediately felt my face get warm and looked up at him while still having my face in his chest. His mouth separated as he looked back at me. I knew I should move back but I felt myself sink into his chest. I was hearing that soothing sound of his heartbeat and smelled his scent. There was no way I wanted to move away now. He put his arms around me and pulled me even closer to him. What are these moments that I spend with him? Why do they mean so much to me? Sugawara put a strand of my hair behind my ear and smiled at me. My heart was pounding out of my chest, there was no way he didn't feel it. I studied his face as he looked into mine. When I first met him I didn't feel they way I do right now. I can't keep my eyes off of him sometimes. My eyes drifted towards his lips. I had such a hungry feeling inside the pit of my stomach. Do I feed this feeling?  
I pulled away from him. I felt scared. I didn't want that feeling of greed to overpower me and make me do something I could possibly regret later. "Aw the jacket looks adorable on you". I felt like such a mess. The jacket he gave me was comfortable, does he just own so many comfortable clothing? "Um...should we go and catch up with Niko and Asahi?" I asked him. "Oh yeah...uh yeah" his tone was awkward and flustered. Did he feel the same way I did? Impossible...right? We started to head towards the café again and I felt my hand get grazed. I looked down at the hand that was closest to Sugawara. It probably was an accident. I looked away from my hand but I felt it again. His hand was inching closer to mine. Was he trying to hold my hand? What do I do? Why am I always in a state of questions?! I closed the gap between our hands and he looked at me like he was surprised. I started to panic. Oh God! Why did I do that? What if he actually didn't want to hold my hand? Were both of the times he grazed my hand an accident? I hate myself. "Your hand is so small and soft" his remark caused us both to blush. We continued to go to the café while still holding hands. Once we got in front of the café I looked through the glass and saw Niko kneeling down interacting with the cats as Asahi was standing behind her. I backed away from the glass and saw Sugawara open the door. "Maya, you may go first" I playfully rolled my eyes as I stepped foot into café with Sugawara following behind me. He walked up to Niko and Asahi. "Hey guys I hope we didn't miss anything" Sugawara started to rub the back of his head. I stood next to him. I started to look around the cat café. There were so many cats, obviously. The color scheme was black and white, classy but it works. "You missed Niko accidentally scaring a cat" Asahi chuckled. "Hey I didn't mean to scare him away" Niko pouted. Damn I wish I was here to see that.. but being alone with Sugawara was pretty fun too um anyway. "This café is pretty cute" I admitted. Niko turned her head and stared at me. Her staring caused me blush a little. Why was she staring at me? "Hey Maya how come you have Sugie's jacket?" Niko asked me and her question made my face burn. She reminded of the moment Sugawara put the jacket on me, that greedy feeling I had. She titled her head, do I really need to answer her question? "Oh Sugawara gave it to me because I was cold" I breathed out as if it was a lie. She looked at Sugawara, whew at least she's not focusing on me anymore. Sugawara was looking away, avoiding contact. Was he feeling awkward too? Niko rose up from the floor, she wobbled a bit and leaned against Asahi. "Hello. Welcome to the cat café" a familiar voiced said. I turned to the the person the voice belonged to. It was Ella, she was wearing a cat maid outfit. You will never catch me dead in that. "Oh hello guys" Ella waved at us. "Hey Ella" I smiled a bit and waved back at her. "Let me guess, you guys are here to celebrate Karasuno's win right?" she asked. Oh God was it obvious? I hope not. "Yeah we are! I wanted to play with the cats!" Niko started to bounce. "Well I see someone has gotten feeling in their legs again" Asahi quickly said in response to Niko bouncing. I shook my head at her. I looked at Sugawara who was messing looking down at his fingers. What's on his mind? I felt myself catch interest in his thoughts. "You guys are lucky though. You're here to celebrate Karasuno's win and here I am working" Ella stated. Can we switch places then? It'll be weird for me to be a maid, and be the one serving my friends but I hate the reason we're here. "Yeah Niko decided that we come here to celebrate" Sugawara replied. "Well you picked the right place. Are you ready to order anything?" Ella questioned us. I don't want anything, hopefully Sugawara doesn't make me eat anything. "Oooh I want a crepe! I like mine with Nutella and strawberries!" Niko's eyes turned into the sparkle emoji. That girl must love crepes. "Niko you know you're supposed to control your crepe addiction" Sugawara warned Niko. "Aw come on Sugie I need to have a crepe from this café, it'll complete the whole experience!" Niko pouted again. She just wants some crepes and I don't want to see her pout. Oh just let her have some" I looked at Sugawara and he looked back at me. "Okay, but if she starts hopping more than usual don't say I didn't warn you" Sugawara shrugged and Niko started to clap her hands. "Maya do you want anything" Sugawara asked me. I shook my head, really not planning on ordering anything. Sugawara eyes dropped down, ooh I know that he is bothered by me. "Maya please try something..." I shook my head again. Can I be stubborn? I guess. He sighed, "Since it seem like everyone is ordering crepes, I'll get on too. I'll have the berry and cream one with sugar powder on top". "Would that be all?" Ella smiled. We all nodded our heads. "Okay I'll be back soon with your crepes" Ella walked away. Once they got their crepes I sat down with Sugawara. "Are you sure you don't want some of crepe?" He asked me. "Sugawara, I said I don't want anything" I lifted an eyebrow up. I watched him cut a piece of his crepe and put it into his mouth. "Oh it's nice and sweet" he smiled at the crepe. It's sweet? I sighed, he's doing that to me on purpose ain't he... "This crepe tastes so good!" At this point he was just taunting me. He cute another piece of the crepe but this time he held it out to me. "You should try it" he suggested. "You annoy me" I moved my eyebrows done and squinted at him. "What so you're telling me you really don't want to try some?" I leaned in and opened my mouth allowing Sugawara to put the crepe in. The crepe was really delicious but I did not want to express that, because if I did then Sugawara won and I can't let that happen. "Do you want to share the crepe?" He asked me. I stared at him, not changing my expression. "Okay so then I'll eat rest myself". I separated my lips and tiny bit. He laughed and cut the crepe in half and gave it to me. "Thank you" I grumbled. "I knew you were gonna like it". "Shut up..." I smiled a bit. When I finished my crepe I went to go play with the cats. I saw a cute siamese cat and I started to pet it. "Aw you're adorable". I as I was stroking the cat it turned and was now laying on it's back. I smiled at. "I see that you like cats" Sugawara said from behind me. "Yeah...this one specifically is really cute" I told him. "Why don't we put it in my jacket pocket and we leave. I looked at him mischievously, "That sounds like a great idea" I smirked a bit. He chuckled and kneeled down next to me. "Would you like to own a cat one day?" he started to pet the cat too. "I don't see why not." When we were petting the cat my hand touched his and we looked at each other. Not this again. I blushed and looked back at the cat. We were standing outside of the café now, getting ready to go home...well I was ready to go to Sugawara's. "I had so much fun today! You guys are the best" Niko's smile was wide, radiating so much happiness. "I agree today was really fun" Asahi said. "Here's to another Karasuno win" Sugie smiled. "I definitely want more wins!" Niko started hopping really fast. I felt left out for a moment. Yeah I had fun but I also would of had fun when not celebrating anything. Why does Niko want to win more? I'm not saying that I want to lose but I think they shouldn't want wins so badly. "Guys look, I told you she was going to be out of hand. She's hopping faster than usual" Sugawara shook his head in a disappointed yet playful way. I giggled a bit with them, which seemed like a huge mistake. All three of them turned their heads and stared at me. Oh God I'm never laughing ever again. I slowly started to hide my face in Sugawara's jacket, not wanting to see them stare at me anymore. "Maya you laughed! It was so cute you should laugh more often!" Niko was somehow hopping even faster and was clapping her hands. Kill me please. "You don't have to make a big deal about it...it was just a giggle" I looked away from them. "Niko you're making Maya feel shy...but she isn't lying, your laugh is cute and we're not used to hearing it" Sugawara stated while smiling at me. "Well don't get used to it!" I shut my eyes. I felt an arm wrap around my back and pull me close to them. I shot up my eyes, I know it was Sugawara. I know his touch. I brought my eyes to his face as I pulled back. "Well see you guys at school" Niko gave Asahi a kiss and Sugawara a hug. Then she turned herself to face me. She wants to hug me again doesn't she? "Do you care for another Niko hug?" Niko put up her hands and shook it, she looked ridiculous. "Fine..." I groaned. She put me into an embrace, I've got to get used to her hugging me too. "Today was something wasn't it?" Sugawara asked as he jumped onto his bed. "Yeah..." my voice was low as I was feeling shy. What would of happened if I fed that feeling I had earlier? Was it a good thing that I didn't? I don't even know what that was all about. I brought my eyes back to Sugawara and watched him yawn. "Come lay down with me" he smiled. I blushed as I climbed into the bed with him. He pulled me into him and felt his heartbeat. I don't know what it is about this boy that draws me to him. I felt him kiss the top of my head as I snuggled into his chest. "Good night Maya". I smiled a bit. "Good night Sugawara".


	13. Chapter 13

"Maya your phone is ringing" Sugawara handed me my phone. "Thank you". I looked at my phone and I saw that Niko was calling me. I sighed and answered the phone. "Hiya Maya!" she practically screamed into the phone. I moved it away from my ear as a fight or flight reaction. Her voice was so loud, it's too early for this. "Hey...Niko" I know I sounded uninterested. "So I was laying down on my bed thinking wow it's a new day! But I don't know how to spend today and I can't just let it go by without me doing something fun. Then BAM! I thought about hanging out with you! That sounds amazing right?! Just you and me!" I am convinced that Niko's blood contains serotonin. I looked over at Sugawara who was sitting on his bed. "I think it'll be great if you two go out together" he shrugged. Niko was so loud that he was able to hear her. I sighed again. "Okay Niko...just give me time to get ready". "Okie Dokie!" I hung up the phone. "Well it looks like I'm going out with Niko" I huffed. "Aw it's not going to be that bad" Sugawara reassured me. "But it's never been just her and I...I mean yeah we go to practice together but that's different" I felt my nerves tingling. "Oh Maya you'll be fine" he got up from the bed and approached me. Sugawara put his hands on my shoulders. "You guys are already friends right? You have nothing to worry about" he smiled as he looked into my eyes. I know Niko's my friend but the only person I've spent alone time with is Sugawara. Without him being there with me how am I supposed to feel any type of comfort?  
I opened Sugawara's closet and looked through his clothes. I don't know what clothes to choose since none of these are mine. I looked through his shirts and found a plain black one. I took it off of the hanger and chose a blue pair of jeans. "So you like wearing my clothes?" Sugawara teased me. "Shut up" I blushed as I took the clothes with me to the bathroom. I changed into them and walked out. "Hey Sugawara where's the arctic blue hoodie?" I asked while approaching his bedroom. I walked through the door and I watched him pick up the hoodie from the window sill. "Here it is Maya" he handed it to me. "Thank you" I pulled it over my head. "Do you really like that hoodie?" he asked me titling his head. I blushed, "Uh yeah it's a cool hoodie" I looked away from him and my eyebrows moved down. "Well I guess it's yours now" he shrugged. I widened my eyes and looked at him. "Wai-wait really?" my pointer finger was touching the other one. "You like it a lot and you wear it often so you should keep it". I smiled in a bashful way and played with the strings of the hoodie. I sat down on the couch as I waited for Niko to come pick me up. Sugawara was approaching me and I watched him. He was wearing a white tee shirt and black shorts. He stretched his arms and sat down next to me. "Maya when you're out with Niko please eat something" he raised one eyebrow at me. I huffed, "And what if I don't?" I turned away from him. "Oh there will be consequences". I slowly looked at him again and his eyebrow was higher and his eyes were intense. "Fine" I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Okay good....well I hope you enjoy yourself" he smiled. There was a knock on the door and Sugawara got up to answer it. "Hi Sugie! Where is the spectacular Maya?!" Niko bounced in front of the door. "She's sitting right on that couch" he pointed at me. Niko came dashing in. "Hiya Maya! Are you ready for this fun day that we're gonna have?!" She clapped her hands. I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be" I shrugged with no emotion in my face or voice. "Okie!! Sugie I promise to have her back before it gets dark" she teased. Sugawara separated his lips a bit and his cheeks turned a light pink. "Um yeah that sounds good to me". We left Sugawara's property when I realized I have no idea where we're going. "Niko what's the plan for today?" I asked her. "Well...." She twirled around to me. "Wouldn't it be fun if we went to an amusement park?!" Her eyes shined. Would it be fun? I don't know I've never been to one. My friends help me see that my life is way more depressing than I thought. "Sure...uh why not". "Yay!" "Maya we should go on that ride over there!" Niko pointed at a fast pacing roller coaster. I widened my eyes. Do I want to go on that? "Come on!" She pulled my arm and I felt myself fly behind her. "Niko are you sure you want to get on this one?" I felt nervous. What if something bad happens while we're on the roller coaster, expecting to have a fun time? "Of course I do!". My hand started to shake. It was our turn to get onto the ride. If today is the day I die then I would like to say thank you to my friends for making the last few days of my life at least a little fun. I sat down next to Niko. We were sitting in the front of the roller coaster. "Niko why did you choose to sit in the front?" I asked while looking at her like she was crazy, which she most definitely is. "Becaaaauseee firsties always get the better experience!" She threw her hands into the air. What does that even mean? The roller coaster started to move meaning my life is in danger. It started off slow but I knew it was going to get worse... It got worse! The roller coaster shot forward and was relentless. The motion was quick and I was unprepared. Niko was cheering and had kept her arms in the air. How can she enjoy this? My heart dropped all the way to the pit of my stomach. I held on tightly to the bar of the roller coaster, I was holding on so hard that my fingers were feeling strained. The wind was rushing through my hair and I couldn't seem to have a proper breath. Why do people go on roller coasters? When the ride was finally over I stepped out and put my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Wasn't that fun?!" Niko asked from behind me. I turned my head still having my hands on my knees. "Yeah it was super fun" my voice was sarcastic. "See I knew you'd like it!" She completely oblivious to my sarcasm. I rolled my eyes and stood up straight. This is going to be a long day. We got on a few more roller coasters and I feel like my stomach is never going to be the same again. "Maya let's go on the ferris wheel!" Niko pointed at a ride that was huge and circular. All the ride seemed to do was rotate...why would she want to go on that? "Oh but we should go get ice cream first!" She hopped. "Niko it's chilly out here and you want to get ice cream?" I moved my eyebrows down. "Maya it's never too cold for ice cream! That's my motto" she smiled so wide as I sighed. "Okay Niko let's go get ice cream" my tone was defeated. We walked to an ice cream stand, Niko ordered a strawberry ice cream while I got a vanilla one. Well I could tell Sugawara that I ate ice cream...he wouldn't punish me for that-right? "Now let's go to the ferris wheel!" she started to march towards the ferris wheel. I shook my head as I followed her. "Niko why do you want to go on that ride in the first place?" I questioned her as I rolled my eyes. "It'll be fun!" We sat down and looked out the window of the ferris wheel while eating my ice cream. Niko was sitting across from me also eating hers. I took a deep breath in and out as the ride started to move gently. "Oh look the sun is setting!" Niko rushed to the window. "Yeah it's so nice" my eyes stared at the sky. I looked at Niko, she was moving back to her seat. Her head was low. I could be wrong but it looked like she had something on her mind. "Niko are you okay?" I titled my head a bit. "Yeah-yeah I'm good" she kept looking down. "Niko..." my voice was soft. She took a breath out, "Okay the truth is I haven't been to an amusement park in forever. I used to come here all the time with my older sister! She loved going on the ferris wheel and we'd have the best conversations. She also loves looking at the sky, I think that's how I got interested in it" Niko let off of her chest. I stared not knowing what to say to her. "Ever since she got injured we haven't been able to hangout like we used to..." She finally brought her eyes to mine. "How did she get injured?" I decided to ask. Oh God I hope that doesn't make her feel bad. "She was a volleyball player and during one of the games she was playing in, she fell in a terrible way and it hurt her knee and she has to use a wheelchair now". I think this is the calmest I've ever seen Niko. "Since I knew she loves volleyball but she can't play it anymore I made it my quest to play volleyball for her. I'm not very good though...but that's why I was so happy that Karasuno won! It was amazing to tell my sister about it" she smiled at me. I felt so strange, I never would of thought that Niko would have something like this going on with her. I guess you never really know what's happening with a person unless they share it with you. "Wow Niko...um I'm so sorry" I rubbed my arm. "You don't have to be! I don't share this information with anyone...only my best friends". My eyes lit up and I was shocked. Did she just imply that I'm her best friend? "O-oh uh thank you...?" I felt awkward. What was I supposed to say? "No problem Maya, I love you!" Niko's smile was big again. She what? Did I hear her correctly? There's no way I heard right. "Maya say you love me!" she pleaded. How do I bring myself to say it back? Is it even true anyway? "Maya say it" she started to hop. No. "Come on Maya I know you want to". No. "Fine you don't have to say it to me now but one day I know you will". "Well since it's starting to get dark I'll take you home!" Niko hopped out of the amusement park. I followed behind her thinking about what she said in the ferris wheel. She's playing volleyball for a reason. She called me her best friend. She told me she loves me. I was not expecting that at all today. I felt bad because Niko let out something that she said herself, she doesn't tell just anyone. I don't want this friendship to feel one-sided. It's already bad enough that I couldn't even tell her that I loved her which I still don't even know if I do or not. "Hey Niko..." she turned around and titled her head. "Can I talk to you real quick?" What am I about to do? "Sure I always have time to talk to my bestie!" she smiled from ear to ear. "Okay so my life has been difficult for as long as I can remember...I don't have the most supportive parents" I took a deep breath. Sharing something like this is really hard for me. "My parents abused me all my life and I didn't have a proper childhood. The way they treated me definitely had a bad effect on me and that's why I am who I am...I'm sure you noticed that I've been staying at Sugawara's for quite some time now but it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to go home. I'm afraid what'll happen. Sometimes I'm afraid of mys-" Niko interrupted me by putting me into an embrace. My eyes widened and they started to fill with tears. "Maya I can't believe you had to go through all of that. I-I am so sorry. I hope you know how much you mean to me and the rest of your friends" her grip on me got tighter. I hugged her back. Thank you Niko. Niko knocked on Sugawara's door and he opened it. "Hey girls did you have fun today?" We nodded our heads. I was terrified of all the rides we went on except the ferris wheel but it was cool I guess. But letting apart of me off of my chest to Niko was probably the highlight of today. I turned to Niko. "Thank you so much for today" I smiled at her. "No problem Maya! I told you I love hanging out with you!" She was hopping with a smile plastered on her face. I waved goodbye to her as I walked into Sugawara's house. I sat down onto the couch and he sat next to me. "I'm glad you went out with Niko today" Sugawara admitted to me. "Honestly I am too" I lightly nodded my head. "So what did you eat today?"


	14. Hibiscus ~

"Girls the next game is coming up quick! We're going up against Seijoh and we better f*cking win against them, you hear me?!" The coach was violent. Jeez can she lighten up a bit? I sighed and looked towards Niko who was hopping up and down. She must be excited for the next game. "You there! With the stupid looking pigtails...quit that hopping!" she pointed at Niko. Niko stopped hopping immediately and her lips separated while she moved her head down. My eyes widened and I looked back at the coach. I know this b*tch didn't just make Niko upset. Who the f*ck does she think she is? "Calm down" I rolled my eyes. "Gonzalez I know you don't have something to say. I would gladly kick you off the team" spit was flying out of her mouth. "Then do it" I huffed but I don't think she heard me.  
"Niko are you okay?" I put my hands into the pockets of my shorts. She lightly nodded her head. Dammit I know she's not. I don't know what to do. How does one make another person feel better? Sugawara makes me feel good...maybe I could get Asahi here. "Niko I'll be right back". I snuck out of the girl's gym and made my way towards the boy's. When I entered the boy's gym I saw them practicing. I smiled as I seen Sugawara talking to his teammates and helping them out. "WOOO GO SUGA!" I heard a female voice call from the bleachers. Naturally my head followed the voice and I saw the blonde girl Sugawara was talking to before. My heart fell down to the pit of my stomach and felt heat rush into my flesh. Why is she here? Why is she cheering for Sugawara? I huffed and looked for Asahi.  
"Hey! Asahi um Niko is feeling kinda sad and I don't know how to cheer her up...I see you're practicing but it shouldn't take long right?" I told Asahi and he nodded. "Oh hey Maya!" I turned around and saw Sugawara waving at me. "Hey...you. I see that you have a fan" Oh God why did I say that? "I do?" He titled his head and I pointed at the blonde who was still sitting on the bleachers. "Oh you mean Veronica?" His eyebrows furrowed in a dismissive way. "Yeah..." I rubbed my arm. Sh*t even her name is pretty. My face burned with envy. "Don't worry about her...she can cheer as loud as she wants but it wouldn't change the fact that I don't want her here" he rolled his eyes. My eyes brightened and felt a weight lift off my chest. Take that Veronica...he doesn't even want you here. "Anyway I've got to go. Talk to you later" I smiled a bit.  
We started to walk back to the girl's gym. "So how come Niko is upset?" Asahi asked me. "Well you see...the coach is a f*cking b*tch and no one likes that whore" I responded nonchalantly. His eyes widened. "Damn Maya-" I shrugged my shoulders. "Look she right over there. She's like a sad puppy and I don't want to see her like that". "Okay I got this!" He approached her. I sighed and followed behind him. "Hey Niko what's up" He smiled a bit at her. She turned around. "Oh Asahi bear" her voice was soft, not normal for her. She wrapped her arms around his torso. "The coach was being a meanie!" She sobbed into his chest. I saw a few people turn their heads to look at us. Oh great we're drawing attention to ourselves.  
"GONZALEZ GET THE F*CK OVER HERE!" The coach grumbled loudly. F*ck me. I dragged my feet towards her. "Where the f*ck were you?" She crossed her arms. "I went to the boy's gym-" I tried to explain. "Shut the hell up" she put a hand on her forehead. "But you asked me and so I answered" I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh so we have a smart ass over here" She lightly nodded her head. "Really I don't see a donkey anywhere" I looked around the gym. "JUST GET BACK TO PRACTICE!" "Okay". I walked back to Asahi and Niko.  
"Thank you Asahi bear" Niko smiled and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm always here for my snuggle bug" He responded. Ew he came up with a nickname for her too. "See you girls after practice" he waved and left the gym. "So you're feeling better?" I nudge Niko. "So much better! I didn't know the coach could be such a...no I shouldn't say that" Niko stopped herself. I was intrigued. "What...what is it?" "No I really shouldn't. My mother taught me that if I didn't have anything nice to say then I shouldn't say it at all" her eyebrows moved down. "Aw come on Niko...say it" I really want to hear what Niko is holding back. "Okay...okay. I didn't know the coach could be such a...a...POOPY HEAD!" She stomped one foot and crossed her arms. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I don't know why I would except something worse, this is Niko.

"Okay guys what should we do today?" Sugawara asked us. I shrugged and looked at everyone else who also looked clueless. Sugawara sighed. "Aw come on guys... we should definitely do something today!" He pouted. "I want sushi! We should go get sushi! Yes let's get sushi!" Niko hopped. "Sushi sounds good right" Asahi smiled. "Okay sushi it is". I started to walk behind Niko and Asahi when I felt my hand get tugged. I turned and saw Sugawara staring into my eyes. "Are you alright?" I asked while he was still holding onto my hand. "Yeah...I just want to give you something" he finally let go of my hand. "Close your eyes" He smiled. "Do I have to?" I groaned. "Close them!" I shut my eyes and waited. "Okay I got it...you can now opened them" I obeyed and blinked my eyes open. Sugawara was holding a stemless hibiscus in his hand. My smile grew. "Aw Sugawara it's beautiful I...I can't believe you remembered" I stared at the fascia pink plant in his hand. "Of course I remembered. Why wouldn't I?" I smiled gently as I watched Sugawara's hand get closer to me. What is he doing?  
Sugawara placed the hibiscus into my hair and moved strands behind my ear. The sudden touch made my face burn and I looked down. How can I look at him? I felt his fingers on my chin lifting it up, forcing me to look at him. "The flower suits you" he said softly locking eyes with me. I know I looked like a mess, my cheeks were so hot. He was getting closer to me and my breaths were shortening. I slowly closed my eyes as I felt myself meet Sugawara halfway. My lips touched his. They were small and soft. After a few seconds my brain went back into reality. I moved away from him and my eyes were wide. "I...I-" I was at a loss of words. He looked like a tomato. "I'm-I'm sorry Maya! I don't know what came over me! I-" I cut him off. I placed my lips back onto his. I felt him tense up but let loose after a little while. "Wow..." he looked as if he was in a trance. I giggled as I stared at him. "Um we should catch up with them..." he rubbed the back of his head. "I agree".  
"Ooooh Maya what a pretty flower! Where'd you get it?" Niko hopped. "Oh..Sugawara gave it to me" I blushed. "Aw Sugie you really know how to make a girl feel special don't you!" she clapped her hands. "Wha- I...I don't know what you're talking about!" He shut his eyes and moved his head away from Niko. "Yeah right! I'm surprised your pants aren't on fire right now!" She teased him. I shook my head lightly, they're so silly. "You guys are so cute!" Her smile was huge. "Oh please Niko...let's just get the sushi".  
I sat down next to Sugawara and he ordered spicy tuna rolls. I of course didn't order anything. "Maya you just like upsetting me...don't you" he glared at me. It was cute though. Anyway. "No..." I looked at the wall of the restaurant. "Look at me" I turned my head back at him. "Open wide" he demanded. I groaned. "Do it" he moved his eyebrows down. I complied and opened my mouth. "Good" he picked up his chopsticks and placed a spicy tuna roll into my mouth. "Now eat it" he watched me. I chewed the tuna roll while staring back at him. I swallowed hard to make sure he heard it. "Yeah you better had swallowed it" I rolled my eyes but when I looked back at him he was blushing. "Why are you so red?" I questioned him. "Uh do-don't worry about it" his face got redder. I shrugged my shoulders and he continued to feed me. 

"Well since nothing else was planned for today... I guess it's time to go home" Sugawara stated. Niko sighed. "Sadly it is time to go home. But I get to spend time with my older sister!" She smiled. I locked eyes with Niko and I smiled a bit at her. I hope Niko makes her sister proud. "Later guys!" She waved as she walked away. I turned to Sugawara and he smiled at me. "Come on Maya". I leaped next to him and he put an arm around my waist. "I've been meaning to ask you..." I looked up at him as he spoke. "Was that your...you know...first kiss?" He asked so awkwardly. I huffed and smiled. "Yeah but it certainly won't be my last". My response took him by surprise. He stopped walking and he turned his head to me. He looked up and down my face. I pushed myself up and kissed him. "I told you it wasn't going to be my last".


	15. What is love anyway?

I stretched awake and looked towards Sugawara. Why am I the one to usually wake up first? I lightly shook my head with a smile on my face. I put a hand on his head and rubbed his soft gray hair. I started to move away but a felt my hand get grabbed. "Where do you think you're going?" Sugawara asked while pulling my hand. I flew into him. "I was going to the bathroom" I couldn't help but smile at him. "No you're gonna stay here with me" he wrapped his arms around my waist and placed me in his chest. He kissed me on my forehead, "I like waking up next to you every morning". His forehead kisses feel amazing. "Sugawara I need to go to the bathroom" I tried to push him off of me. "Stay for five more minutes" he snuggled into my neck. I sighed and had no choice but to stay in bed with him.  
When the five minutes were over, which probably was more than five minutes, I started to push myself off of me. "No" he groaned. "Aw come on Sugawara...I really have to go the bathroom". He sighed and let go of me. "Thank you" I kissed his nose. "Yeah whatever" he grumbled and moved his arm to cover his eyes. He's being a grumpy baby, I rolled my eyes. I opened the bedroom door and made my way to the bathroom. Finally I'm in the bathroom.

"You took so long in there" he teased me. "Oh please I was only in there for like six minutes" I crossed my arms and lifted an eyebrow. "That's six too many" he walked into the bathroom. He's so annoying. I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I started to swing my legs back and forth and scrolled through my phone.  
I looked through social media and found a picture that Niko posted. She was standing next to Asahi. She had a closed eye smile and the peace sign while he was holding her close and was smiling too. They need to stop being so cute before I unfriend them. I kept scrolling through my phone until I came across another picture. This time it was a picture of Veronica. How did a picture of Veronica get on my timeline? I looked at the photo, she was wearing a revealing dress. Wow thanks for leaving stuff for the imagination. She was with two other people. One was another female who had blonde hair and the other was a male with spiky red hair. Who are these people? I don't want to see them on my phone.  
"Hey what's up?" Sugawara asked with his head tilted. "Oh nothing..." I kept my eyes on my phone. I hate Veronica. Do I know her? No but that doesn't matter. "Maya. If that were true then why do you look so disgusted?" he stared at me. "Don't worry about it". I never brought my eyes towards him. I heard Sugawara step closer to me. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Listen Maya, whatever is bothering you shouldn't be. You're here with me and that's all that matters okay?" I finally drifted my eyes to his. His words meant more to me than he probably would have even thought. "Okay Sugawara". "That's what I thought". He walked to the kitchen.  
The sight of Veronica makes me infuriated. It's like she gets everything she wants. I know she shouldn't bother me but she does. I can't stand her. I still don't know what happened between Sugawara and Veronica. What kind of things could that snooty girl talk about with Sugawara?

"Girls the next Seijoh match is in two days. You guys better work your f*cking asses off" The coach was stern. I huffed. I can't believe we have another game this close to us. This is the biggest game we've ever had so far. "Maya we got this right?!" Niko clapped. "Yeah..." I answered. Niko I know winning means a lot to you but please realize that it's not the same for me. We played a few games and won but I never, not once, ever felt any kind of satisfaction from them. I can't wait to get yelled at for not wanting to practice.  
"So how are things between you and Sugawara?" Niko asked me. Niko why are you asking me this in the middle of practice? "It's cool...I guess. Why are you asking?" I looked at her. "Oh because I know that you're totally in love with my bestie!" she squealed. My eyes widened and I felt flushed. In love? Is she crazy? I can't possibly be in love with Sugawara. We're just friends...right? I mean yeah we kissed a couple of times. I stay over at his house. I lay in his bed with him... He worries about my well being...oh maybe we're more than just friends. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. "Niko I don't know what're talking about" I moved my head away from her clearly still flushed. "Aw you do love him! You love him so much!" Niko teased me. "I do not" I refused to look at her. "Yeah you doooo!". "Shut up Niko". She giggled.  
"What about you and Asahi? I saw that picture you posted with him" I wanted to change the subject. "Oh me and Asahi bear? Yeah everything is so amazing! I always have a great time when he's around!" Her smile was wide. "Have you ever told him you loved him?" She looked flustered. No one told her to ask me that question. "I-I um" she blushed heavily. Wow Niko I didn't think I could ever make you react like that before. "I just don't know how to tell him" she touched her pointer finger with the other one. "Aw Niko, you guys have been going out for quite some time now. I think that you should just do it. I'm sure that he'll say it back" I rolled my eyes. "I'll do it if you admit your love for Sugie!" She threw her arms in the air as if she was cheering for something. "Niko no." My voice was serious. "Come on please?" she pouted. "Niko no. I can't do that. You and Asahi are officially a couple... I have no idea what Sugawara and I are" I moved my eyes to the floor. "Aw Maya. Why don't you go out with him tomorrow and see where you guys are?" Niko suggested. That was actually a smart idea. "Okay Niko I'll do that". 

"How was practice?" Sugawara questioned me. "It was like always. Annoying" I rolled my eyes. "I understand but we have a game coming up so we can use all the practice we can get" he responded. I don't want to practice. I don't want to play in games. I don't want to be on this team. Sugawara put an arm on my waist and held me. I looked at him and he kissed me. I smiled as he kissed me. "Kissing you after practice makes it better" I told him. "Oh really?" he kissed me again. "Yeah it does. I'm not sure why" I teased him. "Be quiet Maya" he playfully rolled his eyes. "Hey what if we...uh went out together tomorrow?" I asked feeling awkward, which I shouldn't because we shared a few kisses already. "That sounds good to me. Did you already ask Asahi and Niko if they'd like to come too?" He started to walk towards Asahi and Niko. "Oh I-I meant for just us to hangout" my cheeks burned. "Oh. Well um. Yeah that sounds fun". I smiled at him. "Okay...okay".


	16. Date night

"Are you ready for our date?" Sugawara had a smile on his face. "Um yeah...yeah I am" I smiled a bit at him. I was wearing a pair of black jeans and a purple shirt, yes they belong to me. Sugawara was wearing a sky blue shirt and gray pants. He looked adorable. "Okay let's go!" he opened the door to his house and he let me walk through the door first.  
"So where are we going?" I asked while rubbing my arm. "We're going to eat first. I'm starving plus I need to make sure you eat". I groaned at his response. "Hey we're going to get spicy mapo tofu!" He smiled. "Wait really?!" I put mu hands together and felt my eyes light up. "Of course. I need to have my favorite food on our date" he teased. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah obviously". I haven't had mapo tofu in so long. The last time I had some was when I was staying at my aunt's house. I miss my aunt, I haven't spoken to her since the day I was forced back home.  
I can't believe that I am going on a date with Sugawara. Yeah him and I have spent time alone together but it's never been a day with just us. If this day doesn't go well I am blaming Niko. "The restaurant isn't too far from here" he pointed in the direction we needed to go. "Okay" I nodded my head. What do I say to him? We're friends and I've been staying at his house for a while I should be able to carry a conversation by now. "So Maya...not that I want you to leave or anything but how long are you planning to stay with me? You barely have any of your belongings with you and I'm a little concerned about how your parents are feeling". I stopped walking. Oh God. How do I respond to that? Why did he have to ask me that question? It was like he was reading my mind. "Hey what's up?" he turned around, realizing I wasn't next to him anymore. "Don't worry about it" I started to walk up to him. "Come on Maya. You can't keep doing this. I understand if it's hard for you to talk about but it'll help if you do". He stared into my eyes, searching for answers. Is he right? F*ck I don't want him to be right.  
"Sugawara" I huffed. He continued to search. "I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Nothing to be worried about, though. Sometimes people just don't get along with their family. It's nothing serious. I just like staying away from them" Why didn't I just tell him the full truth? I could tell he was unsatisfied with my answer. "Okay but why don't you go and get, at least some of your clothes and bring them to my house?" Please stop giving me the death stare. "It's because I don't want to face my parents..." I drifted my eyes to the ground. How much more can I open up to him? There's still more to be revealed to him. "How come?" he never moved his eyes away from me. "Do we really have to talk about this now?" I lifted my head and looked at him. "I mean when else would we talk about it? Listen Maya I don't want to intrude but I want you to let me in" he was so genuine. "Okay I'll talk more about it when we go home". I couldn't keep going. "Good to know you consider my house, home" he smiled a bit. "Oh shut up".  
I sat across from him and started to fiddle with my fingers. What is going to happen for the rest of this date? I took a deep breath and looked at Sugawara. "We agree on getting spicy mapo tofu right?" he looked through the menu that was on the table. "Oh yeah". "Finally you're actually willing to order something" he rolled his eyes. "Be quiet Sugawara. I just happen to like spicy mapo tofu" I crossed my arms. "Oh really? Who introduced you to it?" he lifted an eyebrow. I felt myself blush. "Uh my aunt did" I lied. "Hmm sure" he clearly didn't believe me. "Fine the first time I tried it was the same day you told me it was your favorite" I put mu attention to the menu. "So you were listening to me all those days!" he seemed excited. "Whatever" I rolled my eyes. "Well since you know my favorite food then what's yours?! If you even have one..." he rubbed the back of his head. "I don't have a specific favorite food but I like anything sweet" I admitted to him. "Ah no wonder you like me" his tone was smug. "Shut up Sugawara it's not like I ate you before" I rolled my eyes again. His eyes widened and his face turned pink. "What?" I asked while lightly shrugging my shoulders. "Uh it's nothing...um where's the waiter or waitress?"

The food smelt delicious. I grabbed the chopsticks and lifted a piece of the tofu. I closed my eyes and smiled as I put it into my mouth. "Aw look at you!" Sugawara watched me eat. "You're such a creep" I moved my eyebrows down. "No I'm not. You just look adorable when you're eating." he teased. "Leave me alone" I smiled a bit. He chuckled and he started to eat his tofu. 

"Alright since we're done here we should get bubble tea!" his eyes brighten. "Okay that sounds good to me" I smiled. "Hey you didn't even finish your food" he pointed at the plate. I looked at it and I still had at least half of the tofu there. "But I don't want anymore" I furrowed my eyebrows. "There's no way I'm going to waste that! We're taking that home with us". I shook my head as I watched him pack it up. "Really?" I stared at him. "Yeah I can't let tofu go to waste". I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go and get bubble tea" I suggested. "Right behind you".  
Once we go into the bubble tea place I looked at the flavors. "I think I want to try something new again" I put a finger on my chin. "Okay what flavor are you feeling today?" Sugawara asked me while also looking at the poster with the flavors. "I think I'll get rose tea with the chewy boba" I turned to him. "Really...the chewy ones?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah. Is there a problem?' I teased. "Uh no. But I'll stick with the passion fruit bubbles". "Okay you do you". "I think I'll get the lychee tea. I only ever had it once and I remember not liking it" he told me. "If you remember not liking it then why would you order it?" I looked at him with a bit of confusion. "I need to make sure that I actually don't like it" he nodded his head. "I guess" I shrugged my shoulders.  
I looked at the tea I was holding. The tea was pink with big dark blue bubbles at the bottom of the cup. Well time to try it. I put the straw into my mouth and tried to drink some. But the bubbles were thick and was getting stuck into the straw. The passion fruit bubbles were smaller so they easily went up the straw. "Sugawara I have a problem" I lifted up my cup. "What happened? You don't like the chewy bubbles? I knew it this is why you should listen to me" he shook his head. "No that's not the issue...the bubbles are getting stuck" I looked inside the straw. There were a few bubbles inside the straw, blocking the tea. "Oh well you just have to suck on the straw harder". I put the straw back into my mouth and tried to suck harder but I couldn't. "It's not working" I moved my eyebrows down. "You have to suck harder than that" He said. I looked back at the tea. "How hard am I supposed to suck to make something come out?" I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Sugawara. He covered his face with his hands.  
"What happened?" I titled my head. "Oh um...it's nothing" he removed his hands and revealed his dark red face. Why is he always blushing so randomly? "Um okay..." I attempted to drink the tea. Finally the bubbles came up and I was able to taste the rose tea. "This one is good, it's just the chewy bubbles get in the way" I looked back at him. He just nodded his head. His face was still pretty red. "Did you try yours?" I asked him. "Oh yeah...I still don't like it much but it's drinkable". I wanted to try it but I don't know how to ask him. "Maya I see you staring at the tea...do you want to try some?" he asked. Oh sh*t I didn't know I was staring. "Sure" I felt embarrassed. He passed me his tea. I put his straw into my mouth and started to drink the tea. The bubbles came up easily and I was able to taste the lychee flavor. "This one isn't bad.. I think I like yours more" I admitted. "Of course you do because I have the passion fruit boba". "Do you want to try mine?" I lent mine to him. He tried to drink some but he had the same problem with the bubbles. "Just suck harder" I mimicked him. "Oh no I'm not doing that" he blushed again and gave me the tea back. "How come you tell me to do it but you won't?" I moved my eyebrows down and stared at him. "Uh because it's yours. You had to drink it". Sounds like excuses to me. "Hey before we leave we should take a picture together!" he suggested. Me? Take a picture? Why? He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pointed the phone at us. His smile showed all of his happiness while I kept mine small and he snapped the picture. "You are so cute Maya!" I blushed at his compliment.  
"Have you ever had mochi before?" Sugawara asked as he was sipping on his tea. "No I haven't" my voice was monotone. "We should definitely go and get some!" He was excited. I don't even know what mochi is. Do I tell him I don't know what it is? Would he think I'm a loser for not knowing? "Come! There's a market a few blocks down that sells mochi and you can try some!" his smile was big. What if I don't like mochi? "I know you'd like it because it's sweet". Okay maybe I will like it. He walked me to the market. It was a medium sized market with different kinds of foods and drinks I've never had before. "We have to go to the ice cream part of the market" he grabbed my hand. Mochi is ice cream?  
"Look it's right there" he pointed at a box of vanilla mochi. I opened the freezer and grabbed a box. "I can't wait to eat it!" We walked to the cashier and Sugawara paid for it. "Let's sit here and enjoy some of this mochi". There were small tables and chairs in the market. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down while he sat in front of me. "Are you ready to try something delicious?" His eyes were bright. "I mean you said it was sweet so yeah" my voice was shy. I watched Sugawara open the box and pull out the mochi. The mochi was pale and round. "Here you go. I want you to have the first one" he gave me one. I grabbed it and it was soft and sticky. Is this dough? I took a bite out of the mochi. It was really good. "You're right it is delicious!" I smiled a pretty big smile. "So mochi makes you happy. Noted".  
By the time we were ready to leave the market the sky was dark and the moon was shining. It was a full moon. "I know a spot nearby we can chillout" Sugawara grabbed my hand again and took us to a opened field. It was grassy. "The stars are really showing" I looked up at the sky. "Yeah. They're amazing". Sugawara put an arm around me and I moved my head to look at him. He smiled at me and put his lips on mine. My feelings for him were swirling around the pit of my stomach. I know that my feelings are strong. I can't be in love with him right? I quickly moved my eyes away from Sugawara. "Hey are you okay?" He questioned me. "I don't know...I just feel scared" I admitted to him. "Why are you scared?" he sounded concerned. I took a deep breath out. "I'm scared of the feelings I have for you" I couldn't believe I just told him that. I sat down on the grass and hugged my knees. I felt Sugawara sit down next me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Maya you don't have to be scared. I've got you". I put my head into his chest and grabbed onto his shirt. "Please don't let me go" I whispered into his shirt. "I won't" he put his chin on the top of my head. I felt secure with him.  
I nuzzled my head out of his chest and kissed his lips lightly. Do I tell him? I shouldn't tell him yet should I? "Well are you ready to go home?" he asked. I simply nodded my head and he helped me up. I missed my chance. He held my hand the entire way home.  
I know what this means. I took a deep breath and looked at Sugawara. "Today was great wasn't it?" he smiled. I frowned at him and his smile faded. He cleared his throat.

"I'm ready to tell you about my parents."


	17. Smut warning

I told Sugawara everything I possibly could about my parents. I started from my childhood to the way my parents abused me in different ways. I even told him about how I attacked my own father because he was about to rape me. Literally anything that I could think of telling him I did. But he didn't say a word. He kept his eyes trained on me. We were sitting on his couch but after I told him about the situation with my father he scooted away from me. He probably hates me. He most likely can see the monster too. I looked into his eyes and all I saw was misery. I took a deep breath. Does he not know what to do? He's just staring at me without moving. Is he thinking about something? I felt something graze my hand. I looked at it and it was Sugawara attempting to grab it.  
"Sugawara please say something" I yearned for his voice. He turned his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you." He moved his eyebrows down. He looked like he had a lot on his mind. "You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault". He stood silent. “You’re doing more than enough for me. You’re letting stay every night at your house. You make sure I’m doing well. It’s so much more than my parents have ever done for me” I reassured him. All he did was nod his head. I sighed at his silence. “If there’s anything you need from me just tell me” he finally brought his eyes to mine. There were seriousness in them now. I could tell that he meant what he was saying. “You mean a lot to me Maya”. He got up from the couch and kissed the top of my head. “You can come to bed whenever you want. Goodnight” he walked into the bedroom leaving me alone in the living room. 

I woke up and found that Sugawara was no longer in bed with me. I looked to the side he usually sleeps on and it seemed like he didn't even sleep here last night. I got up to go to the bathroom and after using it I went to the living room. I noticed that he was asleep on the couch. Why did he go to the couch? Wasn't he laying in bed with me? When did he leave to come to the living room? I know for sure that when I went to the room he was asleep on the bed. I took a deep breath and tapped his leg. "Hey Sugawara?" His eyes opened slowly.  
"How come you didn't stay in bed with me?" I rubbed my arm. "It's not a big deal to sleep on the couch" he had his arm on his head. "But you could of stood in bed" I furrowed my eyebrows. He then took a deep breath in and out. “Maya listen. I thought I should give you space. Maybe being around a guy after telling one that you almost got raped wasn’t the best choice” he said plainly. Does it really matter? I would have been in bed with him not anyone else. I feel a lot safer sleeping next to him then sleeping alone. “But I slept in your room the next day that happened” I admitted. “Wait are you serious?” his eyes widened. Maybe I shouldn’t of told him that. “Maya why would you do that?!" He looked at me with confusion. “Well where else was I going to go? You asked if I wanted to stay with you and I couldn’t reject that offer!” I pleaded. “Maya I don’t want to scare you but that could of been the biggest mistake” he sighed. “But it wasn’t! I love being here”. “Okay Maya”.  
He got up from the couch and stretched his arms out. “This place will always be your home. You need me? I’ll be there” his voice was sincere. I nodded my head. He put his arms around my torso and gave me a tight hug. Then made his way into the bathroom. 

“Maya oh my God! I saw that picture Sugie posted!” Niko hopped in front of me. She was waving her phone in my face but I couldn't see the picture. "Niko what are you talking about?" She stopped waving her phone and let me see the picture she was talking about. It was the picture Sugawara and I took when we got bubble tea yesterday. I can't believe he posted it. Well I hope that Veronica sees it and knows that Sugawara belongs to me. "You guys are so cute!" Niko beamed. I rolled my eyes. Yeah whatever Niko. "Did you figure out your feelings for him?" she started to hop again. I blushed at her question. "Uh yeah I did" I looked away from her. "Weeeeellllll?!" her eyes were huge. “Anyway we have to focus on the game today. You think we'll win?" I tried to change the subject. “YOU LOVE HIM! I KNEW IT!” she practically screamed out loud. "Niko be quiet". “I bet you he loves you too” she smiled at me. “Yeah whatever”. “Just admit it!” “I have nothing to admit!” I squeezed my eyes closed and blushed. Niko just leave me alone. She giggled. "Can we just get ready for the game?"

I can't believe we're going against Seijoh already. I took a deep breath. I wonder if I'll get kicked out of this game too. We entered the gym and I saw Seijoh entering the gym too. The first person to catch my eye was a tall muscly girl with light brown hair. Her jersey said the number six. I don't think I'm much shorter than her but I think she'll still crush me. In front of the tall girl was a blonde girl with the number one jersey. But she looked familiar. When I caught a good look at her I realized that she was the same girl in Veronica's picture. She goes to Seijoh? I have to go against her? And she's the captain? Ugh just my f*cking luck. I heard Seijoh talking to each other. I want to listen for their names. "Sidney Willows" the captain of Seijoh and "Page Fogdon" a middle blocker. Okay good I was able to hear their names. 

We lost the first set of them game. I can't f*cking believe we lost the first set to them. Damn you Sidney. I felt someone tug on my jersey. I turned around and it was Niko. "Maya how did this happen?" she furrowed her eyebrows. "Don't worry Niko we got the next set. We're going to win this game" my eyebrows moved down and I felt a force on my forehead. I started to drink the water from my bottle and I threw it on the floor. I wiped my mouth and cracked my knuckles. I am so ready for this set. 

Exactly. We won the second set. I wiped the sweat from my forehead. Now this next set really counts. "Maya I’m nervous” Niko looked at the scoreboard. “Niko I told you we’re gonna win” my tone was aggressive. I was ready to win this game against Seijoh. Seijoh you are going down. Sidney you are down. I hope you remember the name Maya Gonzalez because you are going to lose to Karasuno and I need you to know that I am apart of this team. 

I looked at the scoreboard and the game was really close. The score was 23-24 and all we needed was one more point. The ball was spiked to our side of the net. We watched the ball get closer to us and we dashed to get it. Niko ended up being the closet to the ball and she hit it. The ball travelled to Seijoh's side. But the ball was quickly brought back to us and it hit the floor. Sh*t we lost that f*cking point. Now the score is tied at 24-24. Come on Maya we only need only two more points. We've got this. I've got this. Seijoh is serving the ball and once they served it to our side I jumped to hit the ball. The blockers also jumped and stared me in the eyes. I smirked and hit the ball in the corner of the floor where I knew they wouldn't be able to block me. I watched the ball hit the floor. Yes! I made the point. "Good job Maya!" Niko hopped and smiled. "We're not done yet Niko".  
Our team was now serving. I kept my eye on the ball and watched it be served to Seijoh. It flew and Page hit it. The ball was airborne but I knew it was made for Niko. Oh my God please get the ball Niko! I started to run towards her and she looked at me while she jumped for the ball. I separated my lips. Everything felt like it was going in slow-motion. The ball went over to Seijoh and the players were trying to dash for the ball. The ball landed on the floor and bounced back up. NIKO MADE IT! SHE MADE THE POINT! I turned to her and I gave her a hug. "NIKO YOU F*CKING DID IT!" Take that Sidney you f*cking b*tch. “Maya I really did it!” she started to jump around and tears were forming. Our teammates came running and hugged her. I moved back, uninterested in hugging them. I caught eye of Ella smiling. "We did it Maya". "We sure did" I gave her a hug. Then we turned to Seijoh and bowed. "Thank you for the game" we said to each other. I walked up to Seijoh and shook everyone's hand. Once I got to Sidney I gave her the death stare. "B*tch" she said under her breath. I pulled her hand. "You wanna say that again?" I lifted an eyebrow. She snatched her hand away. She walked away. "Wow Maya you're such a good volleyball player!" I heard a voice say. I looked up and it was Page.  
"Oh thank you Page. You aren't so bad yourself" She smiled at me. I hope we meet again!" She waved and left the gym. If I see you again I definitely don't want Sidney to be there. "Maya I never seen you so focused on a game before" Niko's eyes twinkled. "Well because I never am focused on games. I just felt like we had to win this game” My tone was intense. “How come?” Niko titled her head. “Because of that captain. She gives off such terrible vibes” I shook my head. "Oh yeah I understand. Whenever I feel like someone gives off bad feelies I want to show them that I can be better” she threw her hands into the air. “Yeah exactly. Now come on Niko let’s change our clothes”. We walked to the locker room and changed into our school uniforms. “Do you think the boys won too?” Niko asked me while pulling her shirt on. “I hope so. This win I definitely am willing to celebrate because you got the last point and that b*tch Sidney is upset about the lost”. I smiled evilly. “Woah Maya you look so scary”. “Oh sorry Niko”.  
"Hey Sugawara and Asahi!" I smiled at them but they didn't match my energy. Their faces looked long and depressed. "What happened?" I asked them. Niko approached Asahi and tugged on his arm. “We lost” Sugawara’s eyes stood looking at the floor. "Wait really? Are you joking?" Niko hopped and titled her head. “No we actually lost to Seijoh” Asahi stated. I blinked multiple times in confusion. How could they have lost? “What about you guys?” Sugawara had his arms crossed. “Oh uh we won…” I rubbed the back of my head. “Congratulations” his voice didn’t sound happy. “Yeah and I got the last point!” Niko smiled at Asahi. He gave her a quick kiss and she frowned. “I’m sorry guys” I didn’t know what to say. “Yeah it’s no one’s fault we did our best. It just sucks that we tried so hard just to lose” Sugawara’s eyebrows pulled down. I took a deep breath. “Come on Maya, I’m ready to go home” Sugawara moved his head to point towards the exit of the school.

Sugawara was pacing back and forth in the living room. I know he is still upset about the loss. “Sugawara please calm down”. He turned his head to me. As soon as he looked at me I felt terrified. He approached me and pinned me to the wall. I lost my breath and was confused on what he was doing. “I want to be calm but all I can think about is the damn loss we had” his voice was stern. My eyes travelled all around his face. My breaths were short and fast. I think angry Sugawara is attractive. I separated my lips as I looked as his. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he stared into my eyes. I lightly licked my lips. “Oh no reason” I looked away. He kissed me but it wasn’t like our normal kisses it was aggressive. He then pulled back. “Damn Sugawara I didn’t know you-” he kissed me again but I felt his tongue enter my mouth. This was new to me. His tongue was wet and warm and I felt it searching my mouth. I moved back needing air. He smirked at me and pulled me into him. He placed his lips all on my neck. The kisses felt amazing and I let a moan slip out. I have never experienced something like this before. He put a hand on my waist. “This is okay right?” He whispered into my ear. I nodded my head.  
He picked me up and wrapped my legs around his torso. He took me into his room and placed me onto the bed. I bit my bottom lip as I watched his movement. He climbed on top of me and started to bite my neck leaving small marks on my skin. I was feeling hungry for more. I grabbed his cheek and violently kissed his lips. The heat of the moment caused me to feel wet. It was such a weird sensation. He pulled back and started to remove his shirt. After he took it off he threw it across the room. I stared at his abs. Damn I didn't know how fit he was. He also took his pants off leaving him only in his underwear. “Are you sure this is okay?” he asked again. “Yeah you’re fine.. I mean this is fine!” I blushed. He chuckled and climbed back onto me. He began to nibble on my ear lobe. He put a hand at the end of my shirt and pulled it off. I started to feel insecure because my bra was revealed to him but I don't think he noticed. I opened the button to my pants and Sugawara pulled them down and let them fall onto the floor. Now he is no longer the only one in just their underwear. He moved his head down to my private area and started to take off my panties with his teeth.  
“Damn Maya” he grumbled with my underwear in his mouth. He pulled it out of his mouth and threw it somewhere. He put his head back down and I felt his tongue graze my core. I let out a light moan. I felt the vibration of him laughing. His tongue entered my core and was swirling around. I was panting “Sugawara-” my voice was breathless. He started to kiss the inside of my drenched core. “SUGA!” I screamed. He moaned into me causing the vibration to send shivers down my spine. “You taste good” his tongue continued to travel inside of me. I started to feel a knot tie in the pit of my stomach. This feeling was so foreign. “Suga I feel...something” I huffed. “Oh not now” he took his tongue out of me. I groaned knowing that he stopped. I wanted him to finish. I needed him to. He slid his underwear down and opened his draw. He took something out of it and unwrapped it. I watched as he put plastic onto his d*ck. As he was doing so I took my bra off. He smiled at me mischievously. I put my thumb into my mouth and he licked his lips. He started to hover over my body. “Has anyone told you that you are so f*cking beautiful” he smashed his lips onto mine. I was shocked because I never heard him speak like that before.  
His hand grazed my nipple. He started to fondle with my chest and I moaned. “I love the sound of your moans. Now scream my name” he whispered into my ear. I felt him put himself inside of me. I opened my mouth from the pain. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Don't worry I got you" his voice was gentle. He started off slow and I winced at his touch. I groaned in pain and pleasure. "I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you". “It’s...fine keep going”. He listened and kept his thrusts slow. After a little while it stop hurting. “Oh Suga..” I moaned into his ear. “I guess it doesn’t hurt anymore” he spoke in a light yet sexy tone. He started to pick up the pace. “SUGA!” I screamed feeling amazing. “Maya...Maya you feel so damn good” he groaned. His groans were exciting me. I pulled his head closer to me. In doing so a moaned escaped from his lips and the sound filled my ears. “Faster…” I pleaded. His thrusts got quicker and more aggressive. I bit his neck from the pleasure. I didn't know how to control myself. “F*CK!” I screamed. I wrapped my legs around his forcing his body to move lower. He ended up going deeper and we both moaned.  
“Ugh Maya” he shut his eyes. I felt my mouth going dry. He put his mouth on my nipple and was sucking it while fondling with the other one. “Suga…” The knot in my stomach was coming back. “I’m almost there too” he panted. His thrusts started to get sloppy as I felt a warm sensation fill my insides. “SUGGGAAA” my mouth was wide open. He thrusted inside of me a few more times. “Oh sh*t” he let his body fall on top of mine. He took the condom off and laid next to me. I covered both of us with a blanket. He put a few strands of my hair behind my ear and gave me a long lingering kiss. He smiled gently at me and I watched as he drifted off to sleep. I smiled as he went to sleep. I guess I tired him out. I kissed his nose. I never felt more loved than I do tonight.


	18. Start of the training camp

I started to pack the clothes I had in Sugawara's house and some of his since most of mine are still in my apartment. I feel so sore after last night. I thought whatever pain I was feeling was going to go away during the night, but boy was I wrong. "Come on Maya we can't miss the bus" Sugawara stated. I held onto my stomach as I was starting to approach him. "Hey are you okay?" he titled his head. I blushed. I can't tell him that he made me sore. "Oh yeah I'm fine...I just have a little pain in my stomach" I lied. "Oh do you need medicine or pain killers?" He lifted up his eyebrows. "No I'll be fine...I hope" I mumbled the last part. "Um okay". I leaped next to him and he put an arm around my neck. "You still have the marks I've made on your neck..." his face turned red. "Oh well I can put on the hoodie you gave me to cover it" I grabbed the arctic blue hoodie and pulled it on. "Is this okay?" I asked moving my neck side to side. "Yeah now it's not noticeable".  
"I can't wait to go to the training camp. I need to get better. I want us to win against Seijoh next time" he moved his eyebrows down and had a look of determination. "Do we really need to go to the training camp?" I groaned. "I mean it'll help a lot. Maya just try to make the most of it". I sighed at his response. "Hiya Maya!" Niko was hopping and Asahi rubbed his eye. "Hey guys" both Sugawara and I waved at them. "The training camp is going to be so fun!" Niko clapped her hands. How many schools are going to be in the training camp with us? I still don't like being around a lot of people. I rolled my eyes at the thought of going to the training camp. "Maya you're going to show everyone how amazing you are!" Niko beamed. "Niko I don't even want to play volleyball" I crossed my arms. "But you did such an amazing job yesterday!" She hopped. "Yeah that was you. Remember you were the one to get the last point?" I asked her. "Yeah that was so great" she closed her eyes and threw her hands into the air. I lightly shook my head and entered the bus following behind Sugawara. I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me. 

Once we reached our destination we walked inside the gym. There were so many people from different schools. Most of them were people I've never seen before. I immediately wanted to turn back. I felt my body go solid. "Maya you have nothing to worry about. This training camp is going to benefit us" Sugawara looked all around the gym. "Benefit us? In what way?" I groaned. "Oh Maya you're so silly! It's going to help us get better at volleyball" Niko hopped. "Like I want to get better" I mumbled under my breath.  
I followed my friends as they were walking towards some students from different schools. "Oh hey Kuroo" Sugawara approached a tall teenage male with black spiky hair. "What's up Suga?" he asked him. "Nothing much" he smiled. I stared at the tall boy who was named Kuroo. "Kuroo this is Maya and Niko" Sugawara introduced us. I shyly waved at him and Niko hopped. "Yo Kuroo pass me another one" another tall and muscly male said. His hair was mostly whitish gray with black parts and was also spiky. "Alright Bokuto!" He shouted to him. "See you around Kuroo" Sugawara said and I put a forced smiled.  
"I think we should just settle in" Sugawara smiled at me. "Okay".

I left the dorm room I was in and walked to the gym. I don't know why I was going over there. Maybe I felt that no one would be in there. I looked into the gym and I noticed four boys in there. They were practicing but why at this time? I sighed and was going to walk back to the dorm. "Hey Maya is that you?" I heard a voice say. I turned back around and saw all four of the boys looking at me. "Yeah hey Kuroo" I rubbed my arm. "Why don't you join us? We're only going to be practicing for a little while longer" He smiled at me. "Um I don't know if I should" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Yeah it'll be great. Did you know that Bokuto is apart of the top five aces! You should definitely join us. It is a training camp after all". I sighed and entered the gym. "Perfect! Well let me introduce you to everyone here.." he pointed at the white hair guy. "This is Bokuto, someone many people would love to practice with.." Then he pointed at another boy who had dark hair and blue eyes. "He's Akaashi. And this skinny guy with the glasses is Tsukishima". I recognized Tsukishima because he goes to Karasuno. "Well since you know everyone now let's start practicing".  
I was on the same side as Kuroo and Tsukishima. The ball was hit by Bokuto and was coming to us. Kuroo jumped and hit the ball. It landed on the floor. "Woo-hoo!" Kuroo threw his arms into the air. I rolled my eyes. I don't see the point of this. We continued practicing until Tsukishima decided he wanted to leave the gym. "Aw come on Tsuki stay!" Kuroo pleaded. "No thanks" he left. I turned to the rest of the boys. "So...now what" I shrugged my shoulders. "You want to continue practicing?" Bokuto asked me. "I guess I can stay for a little longer..." I looked away. "Yes!" Bokuto smiled. "Okay how about this time I'm on Bokuto's team and you're on Akaashi's?" Kuroo asked me. "Sure I don't really care" I walked to where Akaashi was.  
I looked at Akaashi who's expression seemed to rarely change. His face was always straight. Interesting. 

"Okay guys I think I'm going to go back to the dorm now" I waved at them. "Later Maya!" Bokuto waved. "It was cool practicing with you" Kuroo smiled. Akaashi didn't say a word, he stood next to Bokuto but kept his eyes on me. "Um well see you guys tomorrow I guess". I walked back to the dorm and was met with Niko. "Maya where were you?!" She bounced off the bed. "Why do you want to know?" I kept my eyes off of her. "Because you left so suddenly and I wanted to be sure that you were okay!" her eyes twinkled. "Yeah I'm fine I was just in the gym with a few boys. We were practicing volleyball..." I rubbed my arm. "You were playing volleyball?! With people you barely know?! Who are you and where's the real Maya?" Niko searched behind me. "Niko..." I rolled my eyes. "They asked me if I wanted to practice with them and I didn't know how to say no so I kind of joined them" I shrugged my shoulders. "Were they good?" she went back onto the bed. "Yeah apparently one of them is in top five aces or whatever" I climbed onto my bed. "Wait really?! That's so cool!" Niko beamed. "I guess..." I changed into sleepwear and laid back onto my bed. I yawned and drifted off to sleep.


	19. Part 2 of the training camp

"Maya the ball is coming to you!" Niko pointed at the ball. I watched it get closer to me and once it was close enough I hit it to the other side of the net. We were practicing with our teammates. I sighed. I rather be doing something else right now. As I was playing the game I had a weird feeling. I turned around and searched the gym but I didn't see anything. "Maya the ball again!" I brought my eyes back to the ball but it was too late. It hit the floor and we lost the point. I groaned. "Maya are you okay?" Niko titled her head. "Me? Yeah I'm good..." I lied to her. "Are you sure?" She lifted up an eyebrow. "Yeah. I'll try to focus on the game" I rolled my eyes. But I kept feeling so strange.  
After practice I looked around and I noticed a tall guy with greenish brown hair. He had his eyes on me and I didn't like it. I sped walk away from this part of the gym. I don't like the vibes I was getting from this guy. Who is he anyway? Does he want something from me? How do I get away? I walked to a place there weren't many people. The gym was huge but I found myself a corner. It was almost like the cafeteria. I sat down and hugged my knees. Where is Sugawara? Or someone that'll help me feel safe. “Hey are you alright do you need any help?” I heard an unfamiliar voice say. I looked up to see a girl with long pink hair looking down at me. I started to examine everything about her. She was shorter than me. She had blue eyes. She was wearing Nekoma school's color. I got a quick glance at her neck. She also had marks in her neck that reminded me of mine.  
I put my head back down and stuffed my hands into the arctic blue hoodie. “Umm.. not really this guy kept staring at me he has olive hair and is buff” I described the guy who was looking at me. I don't know why I was able to tell her that. I felt like it was my place to admit that. She sat down next to me. “He didn’t say anything explicit to you right?” she asked me. I shook my head. I would have definitely ran to find Sugawara if he did. “No but he was giving me a very weird stare” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Let me give you some advice stay far away from him as you can. He is not good news’s. If there is someone by you or in the same room as you and he approaches you go to them as fast as you can. Okay? Just stay very far from him as you can” She smiled gently. I don't know why she decided to give me this advice, I don't even know her. Why would she want to help me? “I’m Victoria Kozume if you ever need me to deal with him or if you ever need my help in general I’ll be in the room on the left wing or if I’m not there I'll most likely be in the gym. It was nice to me you". I guess I have to introduce myself too. I gave her a shy smile. "I'm Maya Gonzalez and I go to Karasuno thank you for your help Victoria”. I started to play with my fingers. “No problem I’ll always be here if you need me. Here give me your phone I’ll put in my number so that you can text me or call me whenever you need me” she stuck her hand out. Does she really want me to have her phone number? I only just met her, how come she wants to be so nice to me? It took me a long time to finally give my friends my phone number. I sighed and decided to comply. I mean what's the worse that could happen?  
“Maya there you are I was looking for you, why did you just run out of the gym like that?” Niko furrowed her eyebrows. “Niko I’m fine don’t worry about me” I reassured her. Victoria got up from the floor and bowed her head. “I’ll be on my way see you around Maya. Oh and I go to Nekoma if you were wondering” she waved and gave Niko a smile before leaving. I took a deep breath in and out before getting up from the floor. "We should go and find Sugie and Asahi bear!" Niko hopped and pointed forward. She's right, I should go and find Sugawara. "Come on Maya!" she pulled my arm. Would it be a good thing if I told Sugawara about what happened? I mean maybe he doesn't need to know. It wasn't that serious and I already talked to someone about it.  
"Oh finally we found you Sugie!" Niko hopped in front of him. "You were looking for me?" He asked and titled his head. "Yeah...?" I accidentally turned it into a question. "I was here playing volleyball against other schools...we lost them all" he huffed. "Aw that sucks...But I'm sure you'll win at least one and it'll count" I tried to sound encouraging. "Yeah I know our team got this" he smiled. "I believe in you" I kissed him. "Thank you" he gave me a hug. I hope that the guy who was looking at me before sees me with Sugawara because I am not single. I am not interested in anyone else but him. I know Sugawara will always be with me to protect me. I looked towards Niko who was hopping in front of Asahi while he was talking to her. I smiled feeling good about my friendships and relationship with Sugawara. "Well I'll leave you two to practice. Come on Niko" Niko hopped next to me. "Later Asahi bear! Later Sugie!" Niko waved at them.  
"HEY HEY HEY!" I turned around and saw Bokuto and Akaashi. Bokuto had a smile on his face. "Hey Maya! What's going on?" His smile was wide. "Nothing much" I turned to Akaashi and waved at him. "This is my friend Niko" I introduced her. "Hi guys!" She hopped. "Hi Niko my name is Bokuto! The guy next to me is my buddy Akaashi!" He never let his smile fade. "It's so nice to meet you Bokuto and Akaashi!" she clapped her hands. "I love your energy" Bokuto laughed. Oh no what have I done by introducing them to each other. I sighed and looked at Akaashi who seemed uninterested in what was happening. "If we were to let them be I think they'll cause a massacre to happen" I whispered to Akaashi. He shook his head. "That is something the world doesn't need". I giggled at his response. "So Maya do you want to practice with us again?" Bokuto asked me. "Sure I'm not busy right now..." I have nothing better to do. "Can Niko join too?!" His eyes sparkled. I looked at Niko. Her eyes were sparkling too. "Niko do you want to come with us?" I asked her already knowing her answer. "Yes I would love to play volleyball with you guys!" she clapped her hands. I rolled my eyes and I heard Akaashi huff.  
We walked to the other side of the gym, the part we were in last night. "We got Kuroo and Tsukishima to join us too" Bokuto stated. "We needed the teams to be fair" Akaashi explained. "I want to be on Niko's team!" Bokuto exclaimed. "Ooh yay I want to be on Bokuto's team!" She jittered. "Okay you guys can be on a team with Tsukki" Kuroo told them. Niko hopped and gave Bokuto a high-five. Well I guess that means I am teamed up with Akaashi again but this time I have Kuroo on my team. We started the game and immediately Bokuto somehow made a point. I was shocked as I watched the ball bounce on the floor. "HEY HEY HEY!" he beamed. "Bokuto you are so amazing at this game!" Niko praised him. "Thank you Niko" he smiled. I shook my head, it's not that serious. I sighed as we kept playing the game.  
"Maya what position do you play?" Akaashi questioned me. "Setter" I responded as if it were nothing. "Okay so you have to work on your offence. Make sure you prepare an attack on the other team" he explained. Yeah but how do I do that? I sighed. Maybe I'm just not cut out for volleyball. "I don't want to play anymore" Tsukishima said. "Hey skinny why are you leaving so soon?" Kuroo asked him. "I don't want to play right now. You guys take this game so seriously when it's just a club" he explained. I feel the same way. Volleyball is just a club and it shouldn't be taken so seriously. "What do you mean it's just a club?" Bokuto's expression changed. He was upset with Tsukishima's remark. "Aw Tsukishima you can't possibly feel that way about volleyball. Volleyball is so much more than just a club" Niko hopped and stared at him. "Well maybe he just cares more about his grades...Not that Bokuto would know anything about that" Kuroo insulted him. I smiled a bit at the insult. "I've been getting better! I got a 47 on my trig test!" Bokuto stated confidently. Yeah I don't think that's something he should say out loud. "What's trig? What is it like?" Niko tilted her head. I face palmed. If they stay together any longer they are going to cause all of us to lose our brain cells.  
"You can't call volleyball just a club". Bokuto put his focus back onto to Tsukishima. "I feel the same way he does" I stepped up. "Not you too Maya" Bokuto pouted. "I'm sorry I just don't really see the appeal to volleyball" I admitted. "Well I'll tell you this... In one tournament the blockers couldn’t touch the ball I spiked. I got right passed them. That one shot made me feel my time has finally come. It all depends if you have that moment or not. It doesn’t really matter what happens in the future, or if you can win your next match. The joy you feel beating the guy in front of you, and you’re able to pull out 120% of your potential, is everything.” Bokuto explained. That actually made sense. Is this one of the few smartest things Bokuto has ever said? I had that feeling during the Seijoh match when I got passed the blockers. I mostly felt it when I knew we defeated Sidney. I think I want to continue to have that feeling when playing volleyball. "Wow Bokuto you're like a super genius!" Niko praised Bokuto again. "Thank you Niko. I tried to tell Kuroo" he said.  
"Hey Maya" I heard Akaashi's voice. "Hey Akaashi" I rubbed my arm. Tsukishima decided to leave the gym. Kuroo soon left too because he wanted to find someone, I don't know who he said. "Maya I'm going to leave too. Bokuto said he'll help me find Sugie and Asahi bear. You wanna come too?" Niko asked me. I glanced over at Akaashi then looked back at Niko. I shrugged my shoulders, "I'll stay here for a little while longer. I'll be back at the dorms soon" I waved at her as she left with Bokuto. "So how long have you been playing volleyball for?" Akaashi asked me and he started to drink some water. "Not for long. Mostly this year but I’m just now starting to get into it…” I admitted to him “Where are your friends? Besides Niko” his voice was monotone. "Oh well...I’m not really sure. I barely been around my friends. Only Niko because we're on the same team” I put my hands into my hoodie's pocket. "You could have went with Bokuto and Niko. You didn't have to stay here" his expression always stood the same. He was very straight faced. “I know but I’ve never been away from them ever since I’ve became friends with them. It feels refreshing to be around someone who isn’t loud like them” I stretched my arms out. “Yeah I get what you mean”.  
I couldn't help but feel like something was piercing through the back of my head. It was similar to the way I felt earlier. I turned my head around and saw the same guy that was looking at me before. He was standing by one of the exits to the gym. I suddenly remembered what Victoria had told me just moments after he was staring at me the first time. “Uh why don’t we leave the gym?” I suggested. “Wait why?” his voice sounded apathetic. “Let’s just go" I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the gym. “What was that about?” he looked me in my eyes. “I just felt like we shouldn’t be in the gym anymore” I told him. “Okay...so now what?”. He's right. Now what? I have no idea what to do or say. I barely know this guy and there's not much we can do here. What would we do at a training camp if we're not training? I started to fiddle with my fingers. "I'm not really sure what we can do" I admitted to him. He sighed. "Well I can walk you back to your friends" he suggested. What other choice did I have? Plus I'll be away from that guy.  
"There you are Maya!" Sugawara smiled. "Yeah here I am..." I turned back to Akaashi. "Thank you for walking me back". "It was no big deal" he walked away. "What were you doing with him?" Sugawara asked as he watched Akaashi leave. "I was playing volleyball with his friends and we talked for a little bit and then he walked me here." I yawned. "Well I'm going to go to the dorm. Goodnight Sugawara" I headed for the dorm. "Oh...Goodnight Maya".


	20. Part 3 of the training camp

I took a look at my neck and the marks that Sugawara made were staring to fade. It’s barely noticeable now so I don’t need to hide it anymore. I put a hand on my neck and lightly touched the places that Sugawara kissed. I think I’ll miss the love marks because they showed that I belong to him.  
“Maya I was thinking that since we’ve been playing so much volleyball we should have a break and relax together with Sugie and Asahi bear!” Niko suggested while hopping. “That sounds good to me. We have been working pretty hard.” I agreed with Niko. “Yay! It’s going to be so much fun!” Niko beamed. “Alright let’s go to the gym. I think we’re supposed to play against the girls Fukurodani team.” I told her. “Okay I’m ready!” Niko waddled happily out of the dorm. I followed behind her until we entered the gym.  
When we entered the gym the boys Karasuno team were finishing their game with Fukurodani. I watched the rest of the game. An orange hair boy from Karasuno did some crazy move I’ve never seen before. “Niko did you see that?” I asked in amazement. “What? I wasn’t paying attention” she looked clueless. “Never mind” I sighed. Bokuto’s face changed into a shocked expression and he stepped back. I think he also was surprised by the move that the orange hair boy did. “Where did you learn to do the feint?!” Bokuto’s lips were separated and his eyebrows were high. “You taught him that” Akaashi reminded Bokuto. “Oh yeah” Bokuto sounded defeated and his teammates looked annoyed by him. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Aw look at Asahi bear being proud of Hinata!” Niko smiled. I brought my eyes towards Niko. “Who’s Hinata?” I titled my head. “He’s the short one with orange hair” she pointed at him. “You met him?” I asked pulling my eyebrows down. “Yeah I met everyone on the boys team!” she hopped. I only know four people on that team. “Of course my favorites are Asahi bear and Sugie!” she kept hopping. If we’re picking favorites we all know who’s mine.  
Karasuno lost the practice match against Fukurodani. I watched as they ran out the gym. They basically had consequences for losing the practice matches. “HEY HEY HEY MAYA AND NIKO!” Bokuto had a closed eye smile. “Hello Bokuto” I smiled a bit. “Bokuto!” Niko gave him an enormous hug. “What are you girls doing?” he asked us. “We’re getting ready to play against your school” I answered. “They’re allowing boys to go against the girls?” he titled his head. I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand and Niko giggled. “No silly we’re going against the girls from your school” Niko hopped. “Oh that makes more sense”. “Hey Bokuto have you heard we’re going to have a meat dinner?” One of Bokuto’s teammates asked from behind him. Bokuto’s face lit up and he turned to face his teammate. “Wait Komi are you for real?” Bokuto stared. “Yeah at least that’s what I keep hearing…” he responded. “HEY HEY HEY! I can’t wait for the meat dinner!” He started to jump out of the gym while continuously throwing his hands into the air. Well I know one thing that makes that man really happy. “He’s like me when I have crepes!” Niko was hopping faster and her smile went from ear to ear. “Niko calm down because no one said we were having crepes”. “Aw man” she pouted.  
The girls Fukurodani team started to walk into the gym. I stretched my arms out and tried to remember the things that Akaashi taught me about being a setter. “Are you ready?” I asked Niko and she nodded her head. We went into our game positions and waited for the game to start. Fukurodani was serving the ball. Remember Maya focus on offence. Think about your attacks. Support your teammates. Bring back that feeling you had after getting passed Seijoh’s blockers and beating Sidney. The ball was coming closer to our side. I was standing on the right but it was going to the middle. I ran to where I saw the ball was heading. I jumped and slammed the ball down. All of Fukurodani turned with shocked expressions as they watched the ball hit the floor. My hand was tingling. I did it Akaashi. I planned out my attack and I got the point.  
We lost the practice match to Fukurodani but I at least I was getting better at offence. Thank you Akaashi. “Aw man I can’t believe we lost” Niko pouted. “Niko it was just a practice game. You shouldn’t be upset that we lost” I reassured her. “Says you. I saw you being focused on the game. You had a determined look on your face like you were ready for anything!” Niko squealed. “It’s because I was trying to plan out my attacks and see what works best for me. Maybe I could practice more with Bokuto and Akaashi” I put my pointer finger and my thumb on my chin as I tilted my head. “Maya you’ve been playing volleyball a lot. You’re overworking yourself! Remember that you said you were going to spend time with your friends?” Niko pleaded. “Oh yeah. And I haven’t been overworking myself. I just feel like I need to do more. Ever since that Seijoh match I felt something new inside of me. Then playing with Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Tsukishima made me realize that I actually want to practice volleyball and get better at it” I admitted to her. “Yay you finally like volleyball!” Niko hopped. I sighed. I guess I do sorta enjoy it when I crush people in this sport.  
“Maya let’s go outside! I think they’re starting up the grills!” Niko lifted up her head to smell the air. “Okay...Niko let’s go”. We walked out of the gym and everyone was grouped together. There was an adult giving an inspirational speech but I wasn’t listening. All I could think about was getting better at the sport I once hated. I want to work as hard as I possibly can. I don’t want that win we have against Seijoh to be the last. I want a win that actually counts. I want to see people to be surprised by my skills. I want to make people feel the way Sidney did. I smiled to myself. I imagined going against Seijoh again and seeing Sidney getting frustrated that her b*tch ass can’t beat me. Okay maybe I’m getting too addicted to the feeling of satisfaction from getting passed the volleyball players.  
“Time to eat!” I heard the person who was speaking say. Everyone immediately shouted and went straight for the meat that were on the grills. Jeez people can get crazy over food, it was mostly the males on top of that. I rolled my eyes.  
“Hey Maya. How are you doing? We’ve barely been able to hangout since we got here” Sugawara lifted both of his eyebrows. “Oh I’m sorry I’ve just been practicing a lot and learning more about volleyball. Did you know that Bokuto is ranked as the top five aces?!” I smiled at him. “That’s...cool. Um I miss you” he rubbed the back of his head. “Aw I miss you t-” I was cut off. “Hey Maya over here!” I turned around to see Bokuto waving his large hand in the air. He was with Akaashi who took a bite out of a steak. “I’ll be back! I’m going to see what Bokuto wants” I waved and approached Bokuto.  
“What’s up Bokuto?” I asked. “We wanted to hangout with you. Isn’t that right Akaashi?” He nudged him. As Bokuto was nudging him, Akaashi blinked multiple times clearly annoyed by Bokuto. I furrowed my eyebrows and smiled a bit. “How come you wanted me out of all people to be with you guys?” I asked grabbing a paper plate. “Because Maya you’re so fun to be around! Plus Akaashi-” Akaashi gave Bokuto a murderous look. “Uh I mean...um” Bokuto was at a loss for words. I rolled my eyes as Akaashi lightly shook his head. “Anyway.. Maya here put some meat onto that plate!” He picked up two chopsticks and some how used those same two chopsticks to lift up multiple pieces of meat that were on the grill. He placed a few onto the paper plate I was holding. The weight of the meat made it harder for me to hold the plate and it started to wobble. “Woah Maya be careful. This is precious meat!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Oh I’m sorry I should try and watch out” I spoke sarcastically. “Thank you” he smiled.  
“Why did you give me so many steaks anyway?” I asked picking up one of the steaks he gave me and stared at it. “Because of meat. You have to eat meat!” He stuffed meat into his mouth. I don’t know how he did that when he just took it off the grill. “Uh okay…” I took a small bite of the steak. “It’s delicious right?!” His mouth was full. I nodded my head. I didn’t really care for it but I didn’t want to make Bokuto feel bad. I watched as Bokuto lifted up his head. He brought his eyes somewhere behind me. I turned around to find what he was looking at. “Ella is over there! Later guys I want to talk to Ella” he pointed to where she was standing. She was having a conversation with Niko and Asahi. “Okay later Bokuto” I waved at him. I’m left alone with Akaashi again. He doesn’t seem to be a big conversationalist, which I definitely understand what that’s like. I put my plate down since Bokuto was no longer here.  
I rubbed my arm. Maya think of something to say to him. “The guy you were talking to earlier was Suga right?” Akaashi suddenly asked me. “Uh yeah...why’d you ask?” I titled my head. He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I know he goes to Karasuno but I haven’t interacted with him before” Akaashi admitted. “I know him well enough…” I blushed. “Do you want to get to know him? He’s a really great person” my voice was bashful. “Not really. Are you and him dating?” he decided to ask me. We haven’t really talked about our relationship. “Yeah we are…” my face burned. He nodded his head and removed his eyes off of me. “Maya is that you?!” I heard a voice say. I looked to see who it was. “Oh hey Page” I waved at her. She was by herself. Thank God she wasn’t with Sidney. “Akaashi this is Page. She goes to Seijoh” I introduced them. “Hi Akaashi” Page smiled. Akaashi didn’t say anything.  
I cleared my throat. “Page would you like a steak?” I asked her. She nodded her head. I passed her a paper plate and put one of the steaks that Bokuto gave me to her. “Thank you” she started to eat the steak. “No problem”. “I do have one question though” She said. I nodded my head signaling that she can ask her question. “How did this steak get cooked?” she titled her head. I frowned. “What do you mean how did the steak get cooked?” I couldn’t believe she asked that question. “When they bought the steaks it was raw. Then some how they’re eat-able...how?” She pulled her eyebrows down. “Well first you meant edible and secondly they put the steaks onto the grill and the heat from the grill cooked the meat” I explained to her. She gave me a blank stare. Oh God please don’t let Bokuto, Niko, and Page interact. Anyone in a five foot radius of them would lose all the brain cells they had. “Never mind Page… I hope you enjoy your steak” I told her. “Okay!”  
“Maya do you know Ushijima?” Akaashi asked me. “Who’s Ushi- whatever you just said?” I lifted an eyebrow. “He goes to Shiratorizawa and he is ranked the top three aces…” Akaashi was explaining. Wow top three? This guy must be good. I think I want to try to practice with this guy too. “If you don’t know him then why is he staring at you?” Akaashi looked confused. Wait- I turned around and saw the olive hair guy. His eyes were on me. He had a creepy smile plastered onto his face and he slowly licked his lips. His expression sent shivers down my spine. I gulped and looked back at Akaashi. I think he was able to pick up on my uncomfortableness. “Are you okay? Do you want to go somewhere else?” He asked me. “Yeah that would be a good idea”.  
Akaashi walked me towards the doors of the gym. There was a grassy area near it and a few people were sitting there eating slices of watermelon. Akaashi sat down on the grass. “I think this is a nice spot” He said. I took a breath in and sat down with him. “Do you know why Ushijima was staring at you?” Akaashi asked looking straight ahead. “No… I really don’t even know that guy. He’s been staring at me since yesterday. I only just learned his name because of you” I admitted. “You don’t think he wants something from you?” He brought his eyes to me. “Well I hope not. What do I have that he would want?” I furrowed my eyebrows. Akaashi lightly shrugged his shoulders. I have a terrible feeling about Ushijima. My breath started to increase and my heart was racing. No please… not right now.  
I started to gasp for air. “Hey what’s wrong?” Akaashi asked. I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Akaashi looked all over my face. My hand was feeling jittery. I lifted up my hand to look at it and it was quaking. “Do you want some water?” I could tell he didn’t know what to do. He grabbed his water bottle and passed it to me. I took it from his hand but because of the shaking of my hand I dropped the bottle. Akaashi looked at me then picked up the water. “Should I get someone?” He was slowly shifting his eyes back and forth. I need to bring myself to say something. I shut my eyes. Come on Maya use your f*cking words. Suddenly I felt something around my neck. I shot my eyes opened and saw that Akaashi was holding onto me. What is he doing? Why did he decide to hug me? The hug was helping though. It was making me feel secure. Victoria told me to stay with someone so him hugging me was calming my nerves.  
“Thank you Akaashi” I blushed at the fact that he saw me in this condition. He let go of me. “I felt like I needed to help” he lightly shrugged his shoulders. “Well it did help”. He gave me the bottle again and I began to drink the water. “Since Ushijima seems to make you feel uneasy I think it’d be best to keep away from him” Akaashi said. “Yeah someone already warned me about him” I sighed. Akaashi nodded his head.

“Hey pass me up another ball!” Bokuto called out to Akaashi. “Hey you guys don’t mind me crashing your practice right?” I asked before entering the gym. “Maya! You’re always welcomed here with us!” Bokuto grinned. I walked into the gym. “How about we do a one-on-one?” Bokuto suggested. “That sounds good to me”. We set up the game and Akaashi kept the score.  
When the ball was airborne I spiked it and it got passed Bokuto. He turned to the ball. “Woah Maya how’d you get passed me like that?!” He was shaken. “I don’t know… sometimes I see the perfect place to hit the ball and I do it” I shrugged. “That’s cool! Okay you serve the ball!” Bokuto passed me it. I served the volleyball and he seemed more focused on it. I watched as he did a cross shot but it happened so fast. There was no way I was going to get the ball. I still tried to dive for it anyway. Damn I was only a few inches away from the ball when it hit the floor. “HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto shouted. “Congratulations you defeated one person” Akaashi’s tone was sarcastic. “Shut up Akaashi!” Bokuto angrily looked at him. I smiled a bit.  
Of course I lost the game against Bokuto. “Yay I’m the best!” Bokuto complimented himself. I rolled my eyes. “I mean it was still a challenge going against you Maya. It also was really fun!” He smiled. “Glad to know this game was fun for you and that I was some sort of challenge” my voice was monotone. “Well we’re going to go to the dorms now. You want us to walk you?” Bokuto asked. “Oh sure”. I followed behind Akaashi and Bokuto as we went to the dorms. “See you tomorrow Maya” Bokuto wrapped his muscled arms around me. I was shocked. His arms were huge and I wasn’t expecting a hug from him. “Uh yeah see you tomorrow Bokuto” I hugged him back. He released his grip on me. I waved at both Akaashi and Bokuto. “Good night” I heard Akaashi say. “Good night” I smiled.  
I walked into the room Niko and I were sharing. “Niko I’m back”. I took my shoes off and walked to my bed. “Niko?” I noticed she wasn’t here. Where could Niko be? Then suddenly I remembered. Oh sh*t I forgot she wanted us to hangout.


	21. Rape warning

“Aw come on Niko. I said I’m sorry!” I titled my head. Niko turned away from me and crossed her arms. “Niko how many times do you want me to apologize? I know I made a mistake. I got caught up in playing volleyball with Akaashi and Bokuto I forgot that we were supposed to hangout. Please can you forgive me?” I pushed out my bottom lip. “No!” Niko sounded like a toddler. I brought my eye lids down. “What am I supposed to do to make you forgive me?” I asked her trying to make her look at me. “Say that you’re super duper sorry and that you promise to never do it again!” She said. “Okay.. okay. I’m super duper sorry and I promise I will never do it again” I sighed. She finally turned around to look at me. “Really Maya?! Do you really mean that?!” Her eyes were shiny and her eyebrows were high and furrowed. "Yes Niko. I really, truly mean it". “Yay! I knew I had the bestest best friend ever!” She clapped her hands and hopped. “Yeah…” I felt bad for forgetting about that little double date Niko planned. “I’m not sure if Sugie forgives you yet” Niko added. “Oh I’m sure he’ll get over it” I dismissed Niko’s remark. “Okay then” Niko shrugged.  
We walked to the gym. “I think you should talk to Sugie and make sure he’s feeling okay” Niko suggested. “I will but today is the last day of the training camp. I have a lot of time in my hands to talk to him” I smiled a bit. “You seem to enjoy this training camp” Niko said. “I guess I did. I was able to learn new things about volleyball. I’m still not in love with the game but I do enjoy getting to practice now. I don’t care for winning either, my main goal is to be able to make people remember me for my attacks” I told her. “That sounds cool Maya”. “When we get back to school the coach is going to think I’m a new person” my tone was confident. “You kind of are a new person. I’ve never seen you so into practicing before. Also you usually like being with Sugie…” her voice trailed off. “What do you mean ‘usually’? I still do! But the point to this training camp was to practice with other people and that’s what I’ve been doing. Once we go back to school I can make up any lost time with Sugawara” I explained. “I guess you’re right” she smiled a bit.  
“I’m kind of thirsty. Niko can you come with me to get some water?” I asked her. “Sure”. We started to walk towards a water cooler that was in the gym. “You’re going to be so shocked when you see how much better I’ve gotten at-” I bumped into someone since I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking. “Oh I’m so- Veronica?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Ugh ew I can’t believe you just bumped into me” she sounded disgusted. I rolled my eyes. “Watch where you’re going you b*tch”. Wait I know that voice. I looked at the person who was standing in front of Veronica. Sidney. “What is happening right here? Some kind of b*tchy committee?” I asked. “You’re one to talk!” Veronica said. “Maya I think we should just go” Niko tugged onto my shirt. “Why don’t you listen to your little friend here?” Veronica asked with such an annoying tone. “I was just trying to get some damn water but life decided to kick me in the ass and have me bump into you and that snotty brat in front of you” I rolled my eyes. “You shouldn’t be allowed to talk about my sister in that way” Veronica was swinging her head the entire time she spoke. Sister?  
“Thank you sister. Get you and your dumb looking friend away from here. I think my eyes are starting to burn from looking at you” Sidney shook her hands in disgust. “Well maybe if you got out of my f*cking way then I could get some water because believe me, I didn’t want to even look at you whores”. “Ugh” both Veronica and Sidney got out of my way so I could get a cup of water. As I was pouring it I was hearing what they were saying. “Can you believe that c*nt? She’s so gross!” Veronica stated. “I know right. Her little friend is no better! She looks like she could low-key be a prostitute. She probably is sick from something for sucking too much d*ck!” Sidney responded. I looked at the cup of water I just poured for myself.  
I started to approach Sidney and Veronica. I pretended that I tripped and practically threw the water onto them. The water wet their hair and clothes. “Ugh look at us! We’re soaked!” Veronica complained. Oh please you’re so dramatic. “It’s making my make-up run!” Sidney took out a small mirror from her pocket and took a look at herself. “Ooh Sidney you have a lot going on with your face. You should try putting on make-up to cover all of that. Oh...wait. You already have make-up on. Dang I think you need to see a plastic surgeon” I smiled. “Shut up! You’ll pay for this!” Sidney warned. “Yeah you’ll totally pay for this!” Veronica followed Sidney. “I had to deal with you two. I don’t think anything worse will happen” I rolled my eyes.  
“Maya did you enjoy your water?” Niko asked me. “Yeah but I don’t think my water enjoyed what happened” I had a smug smile on my face. Niko titled her head in confusion. “Never mind Niko”. “Who were those two girls that were by the water cooler? Niko asked. “Well one of goes to Karasuno with us, Veronica-” Niko cut me off. “Oh I remember Veronica! She was talking to Sugie before and I had felt the bad feelies when she was talking to him” she explained. I still don’t know what she was doing talking to Sugawara but anyway. “Yeah… and Sidney who apparently is her sister is the captain of Seijoh” I rolled my eyes. “Ah yes. I also get the bad feelies from her” she pulled her eyebrows together. “That’s because they’re bad people who like to treat others terribly” I crossed my arms. “They’re kind of scary” Niko furrowed her eyebrows and started to play with her fingers. “Oh Niko there is nothing to be scared of. They are just two snotty b*tches that want things to go there way” I reassured her. “Maya!” Niko whined. “I’m sorry...I’ll try to watch my mouth”.  
“Anyway let’s try to enjoy the rest of the day. I need to forget that Sidney and Veronica exists” I told Niko. “Yes! Okay so what should we do? And do not say train” she pointed a finger at me and lifted an eyebrow. “Okay I won’t! Um...what else is there to do other than to play volleyball?” I asked. “Well yesterday Asahi bear, Sugie, and I went and sat on the grass and had fun conversations! We couldn’t really do much but it was still amazing to look at the stars! I mean Sugie was acting like Oscar the grouch but I had tons of fun!” Niko beamed. “Why was Sugawara being grouchy?” I asked. “Oh...uh. Did you know that Asahi bear is the ace for the boys team? That’s so cool right?!” Niko attempted to change the subject. “Niko we already knew he was the ace. Now was Sugawara upset because of me?” Niko looked away from me. “Niko…” I lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah he was upset because you didn’t show up” she breathed out. “I understand that he wanted to see me but I don’t think it was that serious for him to be upset the entire time. I mean it used to just be you guys anyway” I rolled my eyes. “You said it Maya. It used to be just us but now you’re apart of it and he misses you. All you put your focus on since we got here was volleyball. It’s almost like you forgotten about him” Niko explained.  
“There’s no way he actually feels like I have forgotten about him right?” I questioned her while shrugging. “I mean…” Niko started. “Are you serious?” I sighed. “Okay I was going to wait until we left to make it up to him but I’ll think of something to do with him before the day ends” I nodded my head. “Aw that sounds like a great idea. I’m sure he’ll really appreciate it!” Niko smiled. I don’t want him to feel like I have forgotten about him. I certainly haven’t but I just have my head into volleyball because I’ve been forced to play it for a while and now I’m finally starting to enjoy it. I don’t want the flame to burn out.  
“So where are Bokuto and Akaashi?” Niko asked me. “I’m not sure. I haven’t seen them yet. You seem to really like Bokuto” I told her. “Yeah Bokuto is like an older brother to me! If I could choose anyone to be my older brother I would definitely choose Bokuto!” She hopped. “Of course you would” I smiled as I rolled my eyes. “But what about you and Akaashi? You must think he’s cool!” She looked intrigued. “Yeah he’s pretty cool. I think I can consider him as a friend…” Since he saw me have a panic attack and he helped me overcome it, there’s no way I’m going to call him a stranger. “Then I would love to get to know Akaashi since you like him!” Niko clapped her hands. I think Akaashi would get worn out from Bokuto and Niko being around him. Poor Akaashi. “I think that would be cool” I told her. Honestly it would be cool because I’m making new friends and they could end up making friendships with my current friends.  
“Anyway, we still haven’t thought of something to do” I reminded Niko. “Oh yeah...Why don’t we go outside and get some fresh air” Niko suggested. “Okay. I could use some fresh air since Veronica and Sidney contaminated the air in the gym” I shook my head. “Oh Maya” Niko looked disappointed. “I’m sorry but it’s true” I shrugged. “Whatever Maya”.  
We left the gym and sat down on the grass. There was a cool breeze that felt good. “It actually feels good to relax and not be playing volleyball right now” I stretched my back. “See I told you. You need to let loose!” Niko laid down on the grass. “Everyone make sure you’re packed because we will be leaving soon” one of the adults said. “Well so much for relaxing” I groaned. “What are you talking about?” Niko asked. “Didn’t hear? We have to pack our things” I got up from the grass. “I already have my stuff packed. Maya did you not pack up your things yet?” Niko titled her head. “Uh nooo….I totally have my things packed. I just have to go back to the dorm to uh make sure...I pack” I gave up at the end. Niko giggled. “Yeah go pack your things. I’ll stay here and get some of this wonderful sunshine!”  
I walked into the gym to cut through the other side to enter the dorm. “Hey b*tch” I heard someone say. I looked and it was Sidney. “What do you want?” I sighed. “Why don’t you come and fight me? You want to act like you’re some tough slut then come and face me!” Sidney was acting so smug. I groaned. “I have no interest in fighting you” I rolled my eyes. “Oh really? Well what if I said I sucked your man’s d*ck? And that it tasted so good. His hot cum was filling my throat. I think I remember the exact taste as well” Sidney smiled. Okay now she was really getting onto my bad side. “You are so low” I rolled my eyes. Maya just ignore her. She is not worth your time. “You know I think we’ll get Suga to come party with Veronica and I. I bought this new lingerie that I think he’d love. Once he lays his eyes on me he’ll get so hard. I know I would unzip his pants to reveal that sweet d*ck of his and swirl my tongue around it” Sidney touched her chin. You know what I think I’m done.  
“Sidney you better shut your f*cking mouth before I shut it for you!” I warned her. “Really? What if I said that all these things were true?” She lifted an eyebrow. My entire body felt like it was on fire. “Sidney you better get away from me”. “I remember those words he said to me. His voice was so sexy. He told me he loved me and that no other woman would ever match me” She laughed. I ran up to her and she got scared. “You better f*cking take all that sh*t you said back” my voice was stern. Her eyes widened and she turned around. She started to run away from me and I chased her. I was right behind her. I wanted to kill her. There is no way any of that sh*t she said about Sugawara are true. But I want to make her eat her own words.  
She opened a door to one of the dorms and I entered it right behind her. When I walked into the room I saw Veronica with the same spiky red head from her photo. She kissed him and turned to me. “Look Tendou she fell for it” Veronica and the boy that was named Tendou laughed. “What are you talking about?” I looked around the room. “Oh you” Veronica smiled. “We told you, you were going to pay” Veronica shook her head. Ushijima entered the room and licked his lips. “Have fun!” They all left except Ushijima. “Hmm I chose such a fine specimen” He caressed my cheek. “Please get away from me” I tried to dash out of the room. “Oh where do you think you’re going?” He picked me up and threw me onto the bed. He closed the door and locked it.  
“I’m sorry but I’m with someone. If he finds out about this.. He’ll...he’ll...he’ll be very upset!” My voice was shaky. “Shut up” he smacked me. He put his body on top of mine and smashed his lips onto me. I wanted to push him off but he was so heavy. “I can’t wait to have some fun with you” he smirked. “Please. If you want me to apologize to Veronica and Sidney I will!” I pleaded. He slapped me again. “Didn’t I tell you to shut up”. He voice terrified me. He put his lips on my neck and was sucking on it violently. I felt his teeth a few times. He began to unzip the pants I was wearing and took it off including my underwear. My entire body was shaking and my heart was racing.  
I felt him put his d*ck inside of me without any warning. My body was unprepared for this. When he stuck himself inside of me it hurt. Sugawara where are you? I need you to save me. He was pounding hard and it was causing my body to move with him. I couldn’t make any sounds. I felt broken. The only thing I was capable of doing was crying. My face was wet and salty. “Ugh sh*t you feel so damn tight” He grabbed parts of my hair and pulled it. “F*ck you feel good” he threw his head back. Sugawara you said that if I needed you then you’d be there. Where are you? His thrusts were getting faster and harder by the second. My stomach turned upside down and I wanted to vomit. “Ooh sh*t” he panted. I felt the warm sensation, but this time I didn’t want to like I did with Sugawara. He took his d*ck out and put his pants back on.  
I was feeling so many different emotions right now. “Thank you for your time” He licked his bottom lip and left the room. The entire room was spinning and I was now numb.


	22. A short child Maya chapter

“Maya pick up your f*cking toys. You know your aunt is coming over. Dumbass” My mother rolled her eyes. “Yes mom”. I picked up the blocks that were in front of me and i started to put them into my box. I wish I didn’t have to put them away because they’re the only way I can have fun. My mother forces me to go outside and gives me a volleyball when I don’t even know how to play. She also forces me to play with dolls and wear ugly dresses that I hate. But I can’t tell her that I think they’re ugly because she’ll be sad and I don’t want to make my mom sad.  
I looked at myself in the mirror. I had on a bubble dress that reached my knees. It didn’t look nice. It looked like i needed to put it into a trash can. “Maya get the f*ck over here so I can do your damn hair” my mother yelled out for me. “Yes mom!” I opened the door to my room and walked to my mother. “Sit down”. I sat in front of my mother and she started to brush my long brown hair. “This hair is going to get in your way when you’re playing volleyball. It’s going to stay long for now because you need to f*cking style it with the dresses you have and there’s not a lot of styles you can do with short hair” her voice was always hard. I think it’s what you call tough love.   
My mother confuses me because she wants me to play volleyball but she also wants me to wear dresses and make sure I always look proper. How can I do both? I heard the door open to the apartment. Yay dad’s home! I ran to the door. “Maya who f*cking told you to get up?! Get your sh*tty self back over here. “Sorry mom I was just happy that dad is here” I tried to explain. “I don’t give two flying f*cks why you got up. Come back here”. I sat back down. “Damn Myra she’s just a child why do you speak to her like that?” My dad asked. “She’s such a b*tch. If you were in my shoes then you would understand” she yelled at him. “Okay jeez”. My dad was holding a glass bottle. I don’t know what was in there but sometimes I see him with bottles that look just like that. He took a long sip of whatever he was drinking. “Maya after your mother is done with your hair do you want to play with your toys?” My dad smiled at me. “Yes!” I smiled back. “Well too f*cking bad because she is not allowed. She needs to make sure her hair stays like this. She’s not even allowed to play volleyball”. “Okay Myra. Since you make all the rules apparently”. I frowned. I want to play with my toys. I don’t want to have my hair done. But I also don’t want to play volleyball.  
There was a knock at the door. “Andrew get the damn door. It must be my lovely sister” my mom ordered. Aw she thinks her sister is lovely. I wish I had a sibling. Then maybe one of us would be the volleyball player and the other one would play dress up. My dad opened the door and my aunt walked in. “Hello Andrew and Myra. Hey Maya!” My aunt’s voice sounded happy when she said hi to me. “Hi auntie Alice!” “Aw look at you. Your hair looks so pretty and that dress...wow that dress! It’s something…” she smiled. “Thank you! Mom picked out the dress” I looked down at it and pulled at it. “Oh I can tell” she said. My mother gave her a serious look, it’s the same look she gives me when I’ve done something bad. “Sorry” my aunt apologized.  
“Maya your hair is done. Now go to your damn room and make sure you don’t make a f*cking mess” she demanded. “Yes mom!” I got up from the floor and began walking to my room. “Why do you speak to a child like that?” Aunt Alice asked. “Mind your damn business. I raise my child the way I want to”. I entered my room.   
I don’t know what to do in here since my mom would get mad if I start to play with my toys. I sat down on my bed and started to imagine myself as an adult. I bet I would be so pretty and mom would be so proud of me! When I’m supposed to wear dresses and have my hair done I will looks so beautiful. Then when I have to play volleyball, I will win all the games! My mom would love me so much. 

My aunt left and my mom entered my room. “What the f*ck were you doing in here?” She looked very angry. “I was playing imagine and-” My mother hit me on my face. “You were making so much f*cking noise you dumb c*nt! And look at your hair! It’s a complete mess. You could never do anything right” She angrily left my room. I put a hand on the spot she hit. My eyes started to water. I looked in the mirror to see my hair but it looked the exact same. I’m sorry that I mess up all the time mom. I don’t mean to make you angry. But I promise that when I get older I’ll make you happy. You’ll think that you have the best daughter in the world! I wiped my tears and smiled at myself. I’ll wear all the dresses and I’ll win all the volleyball games mom.


	23. Maya's mother's background

“Myra put on the damn make-up” Mommy told me. “Yes mommy”. I thought it was kind of strange that my mom wanted me to put make-up on at my age. The other seven year old girls at my school don’t wear make-up yet. My sister is older than me and she doesn’t wear make-up so why do I?  
I sat down in front of my mom and she started to apply the make-up onto my face. “Mommy how come I have to wear make-up?” I asked her. “Because I f*cking said so”. She started with blush. “But Alice doesn’t wear make-up and the girls in my school don’t either” I titled my head. She put her hands on both sides of my face to straighten it. “Keep your damn head straight. Your f*cking sister doesn’t wear make-up because she wants to dress up like a damn boy. When I gave birth to her she had p*ssy and not a f*cking d*ck” mom started to apply the make-up harder onto my face.  
“I just need to make sure you don’t go into the same direction your sister is. So make sure you wear as much make-up as you can and dress up like the girl you are and not a damn boy”. She started to put lip gloss onto my mouth. “I’m not going to over flow your face with make-up yet since you’re still young. But I never want to see you dressing up like a boy” her voice was harsh. “Yes mommy”.  
“Ugh there is no one in this damn house that I can play volleyball with!” I heard my dad shout from the living room. He used to play volleyball when he was in school. He thinks that since he doesn’t have a son he can’t play volleyball. I don’t know why he thinks that because he doesn’t have a son that he can’t play. I don’t see why it matters. “Since your father’s home you go play volleyball with him. Just don’t f*cking mess up your make-up!” She demanded. “Yes mommy”.  
I left her room to walk into the living room. “Ew why are you wearing all that make-up?” My dad looked angry. “Because mommy said that I need to wear it to be girlie” I smiled. “I’m so damn tired of living in a house filled with females!” he shouted. “But since your sister wants to act like a little rebel you are going to play with me. I need to be active! I want to carry on the f*cking legacy. Your father was a f*cking champion! There’s no way I’m letting that go down the drain even though you’re just a girl” he shook his head.  
My dad picked me up by my shirt and forced me to go outside. “Listen up Myra and you better listen up good! You are going to become the captain of your school team and be the champion. I want your name going around for ages. Do you understand?” He was holding onto the volleyball. “Yes daddy!” I didn’t really want to play volleyball but I had no other choice. My dad threw the volleyball and it hit me in my face. “You dumbass you were supposed to be ready for the f*cking ball!” He shouted at me. My lip started to quiver and my tears came out. My dad groaned. “Oh my f*cking God. Why must you always cry?! This is why I wish I had a son because he would be tough.” He crossed his arms. “I’m sorry daddy” I wiped my tears. “I don’t want your f*cking apology”.  
My daddy hits me sometimes when I cry too much, when I refuse to play volleyball, and when I don’t play the game right. If my daddy wants a son so badly then why doesn’t he get one? I much rather hangout with my older sister Alice because she does what she wants. Why do I have to be forced to do what my parents want?


	24. The end of the training camp

I was back into the room and was packing my stuff into my bag. I was in pain and my body was shivering non stop. I looked at the hoodie Sugawara gave to me. I miss it. I miss him. I put the hoodie on but his scent was starting to fade. I grabbed my bag and dragged myself out of the room. I made my way back to the gym. Slowly but surely.  
I didn’t realize I was next to someone until they spoke. “Hey what’s wrong?” I heard a familiar voice ask me. I looked at her and it was Victoria. I couldn’t speak but on the inside I was screaming. “Maya are you okay?” she had a concerned expression on her face. All I was able to do was shake my head. Without even thinking I gave her a hug. I need someone that won’t hurt me. “Wow hey Maya what’s wrong?” She ran her fingers through my hair and rocked me. I let out the built up emotions I had inside of me and cried into her chest. She kissed my forehead and let me stay in her chest. I felt my eyes drift until they fully closed.  
The next thing I knew I woke up on the bus heading back to school. I was sitting by myself. How come Sugawara isn’t sitting with me? I buried myself into the hoodie and stared out the window of the bus. Why did the training camp have to end in such a traumatic way? I was having such a great time until today. Why do things always go wrong? I hugged myself and snuggled against the window.  
I exited the bus and entered the school. I noticed Sugawara, Niko, and Asahi and I approached them. But what do I say? Can I even bring myself to speak? How do I tell my boyfriend that I haven’t properly talked to in a few days that I’ve been raped? I watched as Sugawara eyes met with mine. His eyes were filled with anger and sadness. How can I stand to look at him?  
“Maya what the hell is up with you? You didn’t have the decency to have a single conversation with me back at the camp. It was like you completely deleted me from your life”. I winced at his stern tone. He searched by face and I seen as his eyes grew wide. “Is that a f*cking hickey on your neck?!” His voice was strong. I was taken aback by this and I touched the mark on my neck. It hurt a bit when I touched it. “I- I can’t believe this...so it is true” his tone went from aggressive to defeated. I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Did Akaashi give you that hickey?” His eyes were burning my skin. I was stunned and my body felt solid. “Look at you. You can’t even answer me” He shook his head. “Whatever Maya. I hope you have a good life”. He turned away and went back to facing Niko and Asahi. Niko gave me a sad look as she stood with them.  
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Did I just lose my friends? This can’t be happening right now. “Maya good to know you’re still alive” a voice that was way to familiar said. I turned around and my mother was there. Why the f*ck is she here? I already feel like sh*t I don’t need her here too. She grabbed onto my hand which caused me to flinch. “I’m taking you home. You’ve been away for way too long” she was infuriated. If she really wanted me to go home she would have came to get me a long time ago. She was pulling me towards the exit of the school. I lifted my eyes up to the people I still want to consider my friends but they never looked back at me. Not once.  
My mother opened the door to our apartment and threw me in there. I landed onto the floor and felt like a soulless human. Who the f*ck am I? I slowly got up from the floor. “Hey how’s my daughter?” My father asked as I was lifting myself up. I looked at him and felt nothing. “I’ve missed you so much. Where have you been?” He smiled at me. Does he not remember me hitting him in the head with the vase? Father I want nothing to do with you. You almost raped me and now your daughter was raped. I ignored him and walked into my room.  
I grabbed my towel and clothes so I could take a shower. I hate how I feel right. My stomach is in knots and I feel so light headed. I took the hoodie off and placed it onto my dresser. I’m sorry Sugawara for anything I’ve done that hurt you. I much rather be with you than with my parents but I know you don’t want to see me. I went into the bathroom and stepped into the tub. My body was in pain. My cheeks were getting wet and not just from the water from the shower. I felt like I needed to vomit. It was like no matter the time I spent in the shower I felt disgusting.  
When I got out the shower I put on a short sleeve shirt and pants. I dragged myself back into my room. I had my head low and I noticed blue fabric on the floor. Why did it look so familiar? There were so many pieces that lead to person in my room. Of course it was my own mother. She was holding onto the hoodie that Sugawara gave me and was cutting it. The worse part was that she had a trash can next to her and was setting the pieces of the hoodie on fire. “Oh hi honey. I think this hoodie looks better in flames” she smiled.


	25. A month later

Break a mirror, yeah, I f*ckin' break a mirror  
Glass shatter, gums bleed off the f*ckin' ever clear  
Eyes red, mind race, f*ckin' wish that you were here  
I was really f*cking hoping it'd be different this year  
\----------

I have been trying to get in contact with Sugawara for so long but he wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I think he declines them all. Why won’t he talk to me? I want him to be here with me like he said he would be. How come he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore? My heart yearns for him. I wish that I made better decisions during the training camp because maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation. I started to tear up.  
\----------  
I sat down in the corner of the cafeteria like I always did. But as I was sitting there I felt so many things. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to vomit. For a while I’ve been feeling so nauseated and I hate it. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before the training camp. I placed my arms onto the table and put my head faced down on them.  
“Hey Maya?” I slowly lifted up my head. My heart skipped, it was Niko. “N-Niko?” I was surprised. “Yeah it’s me. Listen I’m so sorry that we’ve barely talked during the last month it’s just I’ve been torn. But I miss you… a lot” She rubbed her arm. My eyes were starting to get wet. “I miss you too Niko” I admitted to her. She sat down in front of me. “Maya you’re still my best friend I want you to know that” She looked directly at me. It felt amazing to hear that. Maybe because that’s the only positive thing I’ve been told in a whole month. “I promise that I will show you how much I still love you” She smiled at me a bit. “Thank you Niko. Things have been hectic for me and I need a friend so badly” I furrowed my eyebrows. “I am going to be that friend you need. I want you to be happy” She did a small head tilt and smiled at me. “That means a lot Niko.”

I felt sick during practice. The time I was interested in playing I wasn’t feeling well. I had to sit out during practice and I just watched. I saw Niko look back at me a few times. I don’t want her to worry about me but I feel horrible. I lightly rubbed my stomach. I don’t know why I feel like this and I wished I didn’t. I want to be able to play volleyball with my teammates. I want to get better. I want to be better.  
“Maya what’s wrong?” Niko asked me after practice. “I’m okay. I’m probably just coming down with a cold” I responded to her. “Are you sure? I want to make sure that my best friend is okay. Just make sure you drink medicine! I want you to feel better!” Niko pleaded. “Yeah I’ll do that” I rubbed my arm. She gave me a sad smile. I took a deep breath in and out. “I’ll see you tomorrow Niko” I waved at her. “Okay Maya. I hope you feel better” Her eyebrows were furrowed.  
On my way home from school I kept thinking about Sugawara. I couldn’t keep my mind off of him. I wish I was going home with him instead. He told me that his house was my home but here I am going to some prison. The bus was making my nausea worse. When I got off the bus I rushed to the bathroom. I lifted the seat of the toilet and let my head hover over it. But nothing came up. I just sat there as my head was spinning around. I felt so revolting. If anyone saw me right now they’d vomit from the sight of me.  
I dragged myself back into my room and sat on my bed. I began to reminisce moments I spent with Sugawara and the things he had told me that turned out to not be true.  
‘ "Maya you don't have to be scared. I've got you".’ ~ So where are you right now?  
‘ “This place will always be your home. You need me? I’ll be there”.’ ~ You won’t even answer my calls so how can I tell you that I need you?  
I grabbed my knees and started to cry. I was so tired of the tears but I couldn’t stop them from coming. I feel like such a little b*tch. Why do I need Sugawara? He doesn’t need me. But I want to be with him so badly. I miss his smile. His laugh. His hugs. His kisses. His scent. I threw myself back and was now laying on my bed. “Sugawara Koshi why aren’t you here to take me home?”

I don't wanna look like this  
F*ck  
I don't wanna feel like this  
F*ck  
Wish I didn't miss her so  
Much  
Knew that this would happen, f*ck love  
\----------


	26. Falling deeper into the void

And every single year  
I'm drowning in my tears, I'm drowning in my tears again  
I can't seem to forget the pain I seem to give  
The pain I seem to give, my friend  
\----------  
I opened my eyes but I felt my body sink into my bed. I don’t want to get up. I didn’t have a reason to. “Maya you better get your f*cking ass up” my mother banged onto my door. I groaned and forced my body off of my bed. I felt so strange. My stomach was bloated. Why did my stomach swell up like this? I looked at my stomach and it looked bigger than usual. As I was staring at my stomach I started to gag. I ran to the bathroom and quickly threw my head above the toilet.  
This time I actually was vomiting. As I was vomiting my body was shaking. I haven’t eaten in such a long time so my body was throwing away things that it needed. I hated the feeling in my stomach and throat. I slowly lifted myself up and flushed the toilet. I looked at myself in the mirror and the monster that I usually saw rejected to see me. It turned away a left me here. I looked to gross, even for the monster. My eyes were puffy, my nose was pink, and my hair was messy. I was a complete mess that I didn’t care to clean.  
After I finished in the bathroom I grabbed my bag and headed to school. When I got there I noticed Niko and she approached me. “Hi Maya” she smiled gently at me. “Hey Niko” my voice was groggy. “You look like you need rest” she furrowed her eyebrows. “It’s because I do. All I want is my bed. I don’t want anything else” I yawned. “Aw Maya you can’t be like that. You have to work your way out of the way you’re feeling right now” her lips turned into a small smile. “I wish I could Niko but I’m too weak. I lose every war that is started” I groaned. Niko sighed. “Come on Maya. Let’s go into the cafeteria!” She pulled on my arm and walked me into the cafeteria.  
“There you can sit where you like” she sat down. I sat across from her. “See look everything is fine so far!” She titled her head and kept her smile. I nodded my head until I caught a glimpse of someone. It was Sugawara and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. I watched as he brought his eyes to me. This was the first time we’ve made any eye contact in the last month. My heart screamed as I wanted him to walk over here. Instead he angrily looked away from me. He turned his head and carried on a conversation with Asahi. “Maya what’s up? You look like you’re going to cry” Niko pushed out her bottom lip. I lip was quivering and I didn’t even realize. I shook my head and shut my eyes. “I’m good. My eye was just burning…” I lied to her. “Oh...okay” she rubbed her arm. 

Instead of going to practice I left the school. I walked to the closest store to find some much needed medicine. I entered the small store and went down to the aisle where there we stacks of medicine. I don’t know which I would need. I want anything that’ll help me get rid of the nausea and the bloating. As I was looking through the aisle I found a box of pregnancy test. I picked it up and examined it. When I was holding it my heart dropped. Why did the touch of this box terrify me? I took a breath in. Should I buy it? I was recently raped and I haven’t been to the hospital since then. But there’s no way that it’ll come out positive right? I’m only going to buy it to prove to myself that it will come out as negative. I approached the cashier and bought the pregnancy test, completely forgetting that I wanted to buy medicine.  
When I got home I snuck into the bathroom. I can’t believe I’m about to take a f*cking pregnancy test. My life can’t possibly get that low. I opened the box of the pregnancy tests and pulled one out. I put the box inside the cabinet behind the mirror. I took a breath in. Okay it’s time for me to take it. I sat down on the toilet and let myself pee onto the stick. I never thought that I would be taking a pregnancy test this early in my life.  
I had to wait two minutes for the results. I was pacing around the bathroom. Why am I so scared for the results? I know it’s going to be negative...right? I picked up the stick and stared at it until the answer finally appeared. I dropped it onto the floor and my hand started to shake. I brought my eyes back to it to make sure I saw it correctly. There were two dark pink lines on the stick. I’m f*cking pregnant. My legs felt wobbly and I fell onto my knees. This can’t be true right? My world was crashing down right before my eyes. What the f*ck did I do to deserve this? I threw the test into the the trash can and ran out the bathroom with tears in my eyes.  
I slammed the door to my room and jumped onto my bed. I pulled the pillow into my face and sobbed. My pillow case quickly got soaked and salty. I can’t be a mother. I don’t want to have Ushijima’s baby. My eyes felt heavy due to the crying and I ended up drifting off to sleep. 

“What the f*ck is this sh*t?!” The door shot open causing me to jolt awake. I struggled to fully open my eyes. I felt something hit my head and bounce on my bed. A pregnancy test? Oh sh*t this is my pregnancy test. “You f*cking slut! Who the f*ck do you are? I can’t f*cking believe you got pregnant in my f*cking house!” My mother quickly approached me and pulled onto my shirt. “You disgust me”. She threw me onto the floor and landed hard. I felt her kick my back and she got a grip on my hair. “You b*tch!” She slammed my head down.  
I heard footsteps getting closer to my room. “Myra what the f*ck is happening in here?” My father’s voice was stern. “Your f*cking hoe ass daughter got pregnant in under my roof!” She shouted. His expression turned into an infuriated one right after my mother spoke. “What the f*ck Maya?!” My father swung at me and his fist landed on my eye. They continued to abuse me but I didn’t even feel it. I’ve been through enough pain in my life so this was nothing to me.  
“I want you out of my f*cking house! I don’t give two flying f*cks where you go but you are not staying here!” My mother kicked me before she and my father left my room. I slowly got up, I didn’t have any feeling in my body whatsoever. I looked for a few bags so I can pack my clothes in there and leave this prison. As I was packing I came across Sugawara’s clothes. I felt everything stop when I saw them. I picked up one of his shirts and held it close to me. I put the bags around my back and arm and left. 

I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When the door finally opened i walked right in. “Maya? Is everything okay? How come you never called?” Alice asked me. I turned around to look at her face. “Oh my God Maya! Your eye is purple and swollen. What were your parents doing to you?!” She had a worried tone. She stepped closer to me and held her arms out awaiting a hug. I flinched from her getting closer. She tilted her head from my reaction and I shook my head. I sped walked into the room I stood in before and dropped the bags. I climbed onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling and let my mind run.

And every single year  
I'm drowning in my tears, I'm drowning in my tears again  
\----------


	27. Downward spiral

Tired of feelin' like I'm trapped in my damn mind  
Tired of feelin' like I'm wrapped in a damn lie  
Tired of feelin' like my life is a damn game  
Really wanna die in the night time  
\----------  
“Maya...it’s time for you to get ready for school” Alice knocked on the door. I was already awake. I sitting on the bed with my knees high and my face buried into my hands. “Okay I’ll be ready soon” my voice was muffled. I slowly stretched my knees out and lifted my head. I wish I was able to dig a hole and stay in it for the rest of my life. I slid my body off of the bed and started to put my school uniform on.  
As I was opening the door to leave my aunt’s house I took a deep breath in and took a step out. How am I expected to keep going to the same school that Sugawara’s in? Every time I see him… I felt my eyes get wet. I can’t keep crying because I’m not with him. My eyebrows furrowed as I continued to walk to the bus stop.  
Why did Sugawara leave me the same time Ushijima hurt me? What happened? Is this all my fault? Is there something that I missed? I just don’t understand. Was this all a set-up?  
I entered the cafeteria and waited for Niko to show up. I had my cheek resting onto my hand. The time was going by and Niko hasn’t came yet. Where could Niko be? I looked straight ahead to where the doors of the cafeteria were but instead of seeing Niko it was Sugawara and Asahi. Maybe they know where’s Niko because usually they come to school together. I took a breath out and got up from the table.  
I was stepping closer to Sugawara and Asahi but the fear was growing. Is this a good idea? When have I ever had a good idea? As soon as Sugawara caught eye of me his expression changed. His eyes were angry and dismissive. “Hi Maya” Asahi waved at me with a small smile. I gently waved back at him. “What do you want Maya?” his tone was unwelcoming. I separated my lips from his tone. “I-I just wanted to ask if either of you know where Niko is…” my voice was small. I brought my eyes to my fingers. I couldn’t keep my eyes on him. “She said she wasn’t coming to school today” Sugawara continued to speak in that unwelcoming tone. He rolled his eyes, he really does not want me to be here. “Oh...okay. Um can we please talk?” I asked him.  
Asahi got up from the table, ready to give us time to be alone. “Asahi you don’t have to go anywhere. We have nothing to talk about Maya” Sugawara looked away. “Please. I just want to understand why you won’t talk to me anymore” I rubbed my arm. Let me understand. He simply shook his head, rejecting to answer my question. “Why are you treating me like this?” my eyebrows were furrowed the entire time I was speaking to him. He quickly turned his head back to me and his eyebrows were pulled together. “Really? You really asked me that question? Why don’t you think about the training camp?” His question brought me back to Ushijima and being in the room with him. I felt chills going down my spine and my body shake.  
“I don’t want to think about it the training camp! I just want to think about us” I raised my voice feeling all sorts of things. “There is no us Maya” his voice was stern, never changing how serious he was. “Don’t say that. I let you into my life in the most intimate way possible and I opened up to you about everything!” I felt defensive. “Is that supposed to make me feel special? I have been warned about girls like you. I can’t believe you’re actually like this” he shook his head in a disapproving way. “What are you talking about?” Why is he comparing me to other girls? What do other people have to do about this? “Keep playing dumb. And to think that I was falling in love with you” He got up from the table and left. Wait he was falling in love with me? Why did he stop? What the f*ck is happening? My eyes widened and I watched him leave. Suga let me understand what you’re feeling. What you’re thinking.  
I once again skipped practice today and went straight to Alice’s house. I opened the door and Alice came from the living room. “Hey. Can we please talk?” She asked. I sighed as she walked me to the couch. “What is going on with you?” Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes searched my face. I grabbed the fabric of my pants and gripped it tightly. My arms were shaking as I was trying to hold back the tears that were building up.  
“Hey” Alice scooted closer to me. This time I let her get closer to me. She was hesitant to put her hand on mine. “I want to help you Maya. Please tell me what’s going on” Her voice was calm. I squeezed my eyes shut as I opened my mouth to speak. I explained to her about Sugawara. How he was my first in every way possible. I told her about the training camp. Ushijima. The only thing I left out was that I’m pregnant with his baby.  
Alice shot up from the coach. “There’s no way I’m going to sit here and accept that my niece got raped! Where’s this Ushijima guy? I’m going to f*cking kill him” She had a murderous look in her eyes. “Alice you won’t even be able to find him” my voice was emotionless. “You don’t know that” she started to crack her knuckles. I lightly shook my head. “I wouldn’t even want you to do that even if you were able to find him” I brought my eyes to the floor. “I’ll make you something to eat” Alice sighed and walked into the kitchen. I’m far from hungry. There’s no way that I would have an appetite. I put my hand onto my stomach. I’m sorry little baby but I am not meant to carry you.  
“Here you go Maya” Alice placed a plate onto the table. I got up from the couch and sat down at the dining table. She kissed the top of my head and left me alone. I stared at the plate. She made a japanese style curry chicken with white rice. The aroma turned my stomach into knots. The f*cking baby wanted to eat but I didn’t. I couldn’t stand to look at it. I grabbed the plate and put it into the microwave. I don’t want to see or smell any type of food.  
I entered my room and jumped into the bed. I pulled my phone out and decided to text Niko. I want to know why she didn’t go to school today.  
Me: Hey Niko. What’s up?  
Hours went by without her answering me. Why is she ghosting me? I looked back at my phone and stared at my message to Niko. I pulled my eyebrows together and threw my phone on the floor. How come I have to suffer in this way? Why won’t my friends talk to me? Why can’t I be wrapped up in Sugawara’s arm right now? I just want to feel secure. Is that too much to ask for? I got lost in my thoughts for the entire night. 

Don't go to sleep  
Don't go, stay up and don't go  
Don't go to sleep  
Don't go, stay up and don't go  
Don't go, don't go to sleep  
Don't go, stay up  
\----------


	28. Suga's POV (smut warning)

I'm Mr. Loverman (oh-oh)  
And I miss my lover, man  
I'm Mr. Loverman  
And I miss my lover

\----------

Barbeque

I finally found Maya who seemed kind of uncomfortable. Maybe it was because the many people surrounding her. There were a lot of people here, everyone gets riled up for some barbeque, I guess. “Hey Maya. How are you doing? We’ve barely been able to hangout since we got here” I felt myself lift both of my eyebrows. “Oh I’m sorry I’ve just been practicing a lot and learning more about volleyball. Did you know that Bokuto is ranked as the top five aces?!” She smiled at me. I internally sighed as I looked at her. Why is she talking about other people? I barely seen her and she’s here getting excited about being around other males.“That’s...cool. Um I miss you” I rubbed the back of my head. “Aw I miss you t-” Maya started to speak but someone from behind her cut her off. “Hey Maya over here!” We both looked to see who was calling her over to them. It was Bokuto. The same guy she was talking about. He was waving his muscly arm in the air to show her where he was. The worst part about it was that he was there with Akaashi too. Akaashi was the one who got to spend time alone with Maya...“I’ll be back! I’m going to see what Bokuto wants” She waved and approached Bokuto. “Oh- okay.. have fun” she couldn’t hear me because she was already gone. I sighed and let my shoulders fall with my breath.  
“Hey how are you feeling?” I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I slowly turned around to be met with Ushiwaka. “What do you want?” My eyebrows were pulled together. I’ve never spoke to him before, what could he want with me? “I just wanted to see if you were okay. But if you don’t want to hear my advice then that’s on you” Ushiwaka shrugged.  
“Advice about what?” I questioned the tall male in front of me. “About girls...Is that girl over there your girlfriend?” He pointed at Maya. What advice could he give me that has to do with Maya? I think things are pretty fine between her and I…? “Yeah...what about it?” I crossed my arms. “I got to tell you man your heart is going to be crushed by that one. I’ve seen girls like her all the time. They’re quiet at first but once they see you’re interested in them they act like they are warming up to you. But in the end they just grab you by the balls” he sounds like a douchebag. Isn’t that the same warning Veronica gave me? “Maya isn’t like that. She’s an amazing girlfriend...I think I’m going to tell her I love her” I felt myself blush and I rubbed the back of my head. “Aw come on you can’t possibly be in love with that girl. Look at where she is right now. She’s talking to other guys without you. She’s already looking for new victims. Trust me dude, she’s not actually into you.” Ushijima shook his head like he was disappointed in me.  
“Stop talking about her like that!” I was getting annoyed by him talking about Maya as if she was some kind of slut. “Oh please. I saw her and Akaashi in the gym together. She was flirting with him and he seemed to enjoy it. Another fool falling for her tricks” His smile was smug. “I said stop! There’s no way she’s like that!” I shouted at him. “So how come she isn’t here with you? Open up your eyes and see that she’s messing with other guys” his voice got serious. “Just leave me alone” I dismissed him. “Okay but soon you’ll realize what I said was true” and with that he walked away. I mean Maya has been spending a lot more time with Bokuto and Akaashi but that just means she’s making new friends. There’s nothing I need to worry about right? What Ushijima was saying was all bullsh*t. Maya would never do that to me. I rubbed my arm as I watched her talk with Bokuto and Akaashi. I sighed and turned away from them.  
\----------  
The “date”  
I was feeling hot and the salty sweat was streaming down my face. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. “Sugie! Sugie!” I heard Niko’s squeaky voice from behind me. I turned my head around and saw her hopping towards me. “Hey Niko. What’s up?” I grabbed a plastic cup and started to pour water in it from the water cooler. “I was thinking how you, Maya, Asahi, and me could hangout together after practicing!” She had a huge childlike smile on her face. “That sounds great to me!” I took a long sip of water. “Did you already ask Maya?” I spoke slowly. “Yes and she said she’ll come!” Niko clapped her tiny hands. Oh thank God. Finally I’ll have some time to spend with my girlfriend. “So what are we going to do?” I questioned the tiny girl. “Well I haven’t really thought about that part” her voice was bashful and she had her pointer fingers touching each other. I playfully rolled my eyes. “I’m sure whatever you think of would be great because we’ll be together” I gently smiled. “Yes!” She threw her hands into the air. 

“Where’s Maya?” I asked Niko as she was sitting down on the grass next to Asahi. “Um...I’m not sure. But I know she’ll come! Don’t worry your gray little head about it!” She smiled at me reassuringly. Well I hope so. I’ve been looking forward to this ever since Niko told me. I looked back to Asahi and Niko. Niko’s head was resting on top of Asahi’s shoulder as they were holding hands. I furrowed my eyebrows and quickly turned away from them. When did I become a third wheel? I brought my eyes up to the sky. It was dark and the stars were shining. I just want to hold Maya in my arms as we watch the stars together. I let out a frustrated huff. I aggressively put my hand on my cheek and had my elbow on my knee. Maya why aren’t you here with me?  
\----------  
The last day of the training camp

I walked outside the gym and I noticed Niko was sitting on the grass. “Hey Niko. What are you doing?” I asked her. “Sitting on the grass” She smiled. If she was anyone else I would be reprimand them for such a smart response but this is Niko… “Why are you sitting on the grass?” I lifted one eyebrow. “Oh! I’m waiting for Maya. She had to go pack up her things” she stretched. “She...hasn’t packed yet?” I furrowed my eyebrows. Niko shook her head. Why hasn’t Maya packed yet? What the hell was she doing that she’s not packed yet? “Okay when she comes back can you please tell her to meet me in the gym?” I put a hand on my neck and titled my head. “Yes sir!” She soluted and nodded her head. I couldn’t help but smile at her. 

It feels like forever ago that I told Niko to tell Maya to meet me in the gym. I’ve been waiting here for so long. It doesn’t take that long to pack your things. “Oh so she’s not with you?” Niko spoke slow and when I looked at her, her eyes were shifting back and forth. “No she’s not here. I don’t know where the hell she is!” I raised my voice. Niko widened her eyes and stared up at me. “Oh I’m sorry Niko. I didn’t mean to be loud. I’m just annoyed” I rubbed my forehead. “She’ll turn up soon Sugie!” Niko that’s what you said last time and she never did. Niko rubbed her arm. “I think I’m going to get some water so I’ll be right back” Niko hopped. I nodded my head as I looked on the floor.  
“SUGA!” I heard a voice call for me. I saw Victoria. She and I go way back… Anyway. I waved at the pink haired girl as i approached her. I noticed she had someone on her chest. Maya. Why the hell was Maya with Tori? She was sleeping on top of her. “Hey Tori. I see you have Maya...if it’s alright I’ll take her from your hands. As long as you don’t mind” I forced a smile. I picked up Maya and was holding her bridal style. She was light, she was easy to carry. “Bye Tori”. Niko and I walked towards the exit of the gym. “Is she okay?” Niko furrowed her eyebrows. “I have no idea. I don’t even know what she was doing. How did she even end up with Tori in the first place?” I shook my head. “I don’t know Sugie. And for some reason that Tori girl didn’t let me take Maya. How do you know her?” Niko’s enormous eyes searched my face. I widened my eyes a bit and felt my face heat up. “Uh we just knew each other for a long time...You remember that one summer? When I went to summer camp but you couldn’t go because you had to go to school?” I asked Niko. She put a finger on her chin as if that was going to help her remember. Then she proceeded to shake her head. I let out a long sigh. “Never mind.. Let’s just get her onto the bus”.  
We entered the bus and I placed Maya down on a seat. “Aren’t you going to sit next to her?” Niko questioned me. I simply shook my head. Niko followed behind Asahi and sat with him as I sat by myself. I was in the back of the bus and moved myself against the window. I stared at the training camp and felt frustration swirl around my stomach. Damn training camp.  
\----------  
Niko, Asahi, and I all went inside Karasuno high. “Sugie why didn’t you wait for Maya!” Niko pouted. “Really Niko? It seemed like the entire training camp I’ve been waiting for Maya. I’m done” I looked away. I started to hear footsteps getting closer to us and I turned around to see Maya. My stomach burned into flames as I brought my eyes to hers.  
“Maya what the hell is up with you? You didn’t have the decency to have a single conversation with me back at the camp. It was like you completely deleted me from your life” my tone was stern. She didn’t say anything. I brought my eyes all around her face when I came across a purplish red mark on her neck. Everything inside of me turned into knots and the tips of my ears were boiling. “Is that a f*cking hickey on your neck?!” I pointed at it. She looked surprised and touch the mark on her neck. Don’t act like you don’t know how you got it! “I- I can’t believe this...so it is true” my eyes fell to the floor, remembering what Ushiwaka and Veronica had warned me about. “Did Akaashi give you that hickey?” I shot my eyes back up to her. She stood silent. “Look at you. You can’t even answer me”. I felt numerous emotions in this moment. “Whatever Maya. I hope you have a good life”.  
\----------  
At school  
It’s been a month since I’ve last spoken to Maya. I kept forwarding her calls. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. How could I? After the training camp bullsh*t there was no way I was going to willingly have a conversation with her.  
I sat down with Asahi in the cafeteria. Niko wasn’t here. She texted us saying she wasn’t going to make it to school today. I had my hand up to my face and Asahi and I sat in silence. Thoughts were roaming in my head until I saw a figure from the corner of my eye. Of course it was the one person I don’t want to engage with. My eyebrows pulled together and I wanted her away from here. “Hi Maya” Asahi waved at her with a small smile. Dammit Asahi. She waved back at him. “What do you want Maya?” I asked her, not hiding how I felt. “I-I just wanted to ask if either of you know where Niko is…” she spoke lightly. Maya don’t play it off like you’re the victim. She moved her eyes down to her fingers. “She said she wasn’t coming to school today” I answered her question and rolled my eyes. “Oh...okay. Um can we please talk?” Maya asked me. She really has the audacity to ask me to talk to her now when she had the chance to in the training camp!  
Asahi was ready to leave the table to give us some space. “Asahi you don’t have to go anywhere. We have nothing to talk about Maya” I turned my head away from her. “Please. I just want to understand why you won’t talk to me anymore”. I felt a force on my forehead as my eyebrows were pulled together, I shook my head disapproving Maya. “Why are you treating me like this?” What the f*ck. Why am I treating you like this? “Really? You really asked me that question? Why don’t you think about the training camp?” Clearly you didn’t care for me during the training camp so don’t act like you do now, or ever did.  
“I don’t want to think about it the training camp! I just want to think about us” Maya raised her voice. Us? “There is no us Maya” I stared her in the eyes as I said that, letting her know I was being serious. “Don’t say that. I let you into my life in the most intimate way possible and I opened up to you about everything!” Her tone was defensive. Quit grabbing me by the balls Maya. “Is that supposed to make me feel special? I have been warned about girls like you. I can’t believe you’re actually like this” I shook my head. Is that something she tells other guys? Was I really her first? “What are you talking about?” She lightly shook her head in confusion. “Keep playing dumb. And to think that I was falling in love with you” I admitted to her as I got up from the table and left the cafeteria.  
\----------  
At home

I took my shoes off before entering my house. I plopped down on the couch. Maya what the f*ck happened between you and I? Were you actually playing with my feelings this entire time? It felt so real. Is there something that Akaashi has that I don’t? Is he just better than I am? My eyes began to feel wet and in no time my face was too. I wiped my face with my arm. What did I do to lose you? Am I not good enough? I felt myself sob into my hands. How can I be better?  
I didn’t want to be alone tonight so I called up someone. I opened the door to my house and saw her standing there. “I thought you would never call me again” she smiled as I let her into the house. “Well it was kind of spontaneous” I admitted to her. “Whatever it was I’m glad you did” she tucked a few strands of her blonde hair behind her ear. “Veronica welcome to my house…” I rubbed the back of my head. “Why do you sound so depressed?” She batted her eyelashes. I sighed. “You were right. About Maya. She wasn’t who I thought she was” I looked at the floor. Veronica placed a hand on my cheek. “Of course I was right you big dummy!” She moved her hand to my hair and she started to play with it. I watched her stare into my eyes. And before I knew it, her lips were on mine.  
I pulled back and felt my eyes grow wide. “What happened? Isn’t this what you want?” Veronica smiled mischievously. Is this what I want? I don’t even know anymore. She kissed me again and this time I melted into it. I pulled her into me, deepening the kiss. She pulled away this time. “Damn Koshi” she sounded out of breath and she lightly licked her bottom lip. My eyes searched her entire body. I grabbed her hand and forced her onto my chest. “Taking charge I see.” I kissed her and she put her tongue into my mouth. Our tongues were fighting for dominance. She then took a hold of my hand and pulled me into my room. “Let’s have some fun.”  
Veronica tugged on my pants, wanting them to be pulled down. I unzip it and let her take them off. She gracefully took my underwear off too. She smirked and licked her lips at the sight of me. I blushed intensely as she stared at me. I felt as she put her mouth on my d*ck and she started to suck. I threw my head back as her head bobbed up and down. She swirled her tongue around and got a grip of her hair. I pulled her in and more of myself went inside of her mouth. “Ugh Veronica” I moaned her name. “Koshi” she groaned. The vibration of her groan sent shockwaves down my d*ck causing me to squirt in her mouth. The grip I had on her hair was releasing and I let out a big moan. She took me out of her mouth and wiped hers. “Your fluids taste delicious.”  
I smashed my lips onto her. As she was kissing me she climbed onto the bed. She started to unbutton her shirt as I took mine off. She revealed a lacy bra and I smiled. I unhooked her bra and ran my tongue all on her chest. “Mhm” Veronica hummed. I started to suck on her skin and she ran her hand through my hair. “You’re making me wet” she whispered in my ear.  
I hungrily removed her underwear and placed my hands on her inner thighs. She yelped at the touch. I stuck two fingers inside of her. I watched as her lips separated and left her mouth open. I stuck my tongue into her mouth and swirled it around. “Koshi...Koshi” she was breathing out. I picked up the pace in my fingers and felt her dig her nails into my back. “Koshi! Ugh” she moaned. I continued to finger her. “I’m going...to- ugh” she cut herself off. Then I felt warmness coming from her core. She let out another moan. “I’m not done yet.”  
I entered her and she gasped. My thrusts were hard and fast. I shut my eyes and I had a clear image of Maya. Why did she have to be that way? Why couldn’t things be different? With every thought I had, my thrusts would get faster. I was holding onto Veronica’s thighs and my grip on her was tight. I was so deep in my own head that I wasn’t even noticing if she was enjoying it or not. Then before I knew it I started to get sloppy. I went back into reality and felt myself cum. I groaned and got out of her. “F*ck Koshi! I didn’t know how aggressive you are” she giggled. My face began to burn from her comment. “Come lay down with me” she patted the space next to her. I rolled onto the side that she was patting and she put her arm around me. “You are amazing” she kissed me. I couldn’t even look at her in the eyes.  
What the f*ck did I just do?

I've shattered now, I'm spilling out  
Upon this linoleum ground (Mr. Loverman)  
I'm reeling in my brain again  
Before it can get back to you (Mr. Loverman)  
Oh what am I supposed to do without you?  
\----------


	29. Must Life Really Go On?

I have these lucid dreams where I can't move a thing  
Thinking of you in my bed  
You were my everything  
Thoughts of a wedding ring  
Now I'm just better off dead  
\----------  
Self Harm warning ~ Maya’s POV  
I was circling my finger around the cafeteria table. “Hiya Maya” a high pitched voice spoke. I brought my eyes up and was met with Niko. She had a small smile painted onto her face. “H-hey Niko” I furrowed my eyebrows. I watched her sit across from me. She yawned and stretched her arms and back. “How come you didn’t come to school yesterday? I texted you but you didn’t answer” I interrogated her. “Oh I’m sorry Maya. I had a doctor’s appointment and I think I was already asleep when you texted me” Niko explained while playing with her index finger. “Oh okay....” I had no idea what to say next. “Is everything okay with you?” Niko titled her head. Do I tell her everything? No one but me knows everything that happened. Can I even bring myself to talk about it again? “Yeah I’m good. I just missed you” I lied to her about the good part. “Aw Maya! I missed you too” she squealed slightly.  
“I talked to Sugawara yesterday…” I started. Niko’s eyes widened a bit. “How did it go?” Her shiny green eyes blinked into mine. “Not good at all. He was very dismissive and he clearly doesn’t give two sh*ts about me anymore… I mean he did admit that he was falling in love with me but-” I sighed to stop myself from letting the tears build up. Niko put a hand on mine, her hand was small and warm. “Maya, you and Sugie may be having such a weird argument thing or whatever this is… but he definitely still cares about you!” There was so much sincerity in her tone. “Niko how would you know that? He speaks to me like I’m garbage that was thrown into his life” I rubbed my arm. “Maya you are not garbage! Also I’m also his best friend, remember? I knew him since we were children. I could tell he still loves you” her lips curved into a gentle smile. “But what if you’re wrong Niko?” I blinked softly. “Me? Wrong? When have I ever been wrong?” She looked offended. I lifted my eyebrows and kept my eyes trained on hers. “Okay I’m wrong a lot..but I know that I’m not wrong about this!” She nodded her head. “Whatever you say Niko” I shrugged my shoulders. 

“Hey Niko...Why don’t we go do something. It’s been a while since we last went out and I think it’ll be a good for me to be outside” I rubbed my arm. “Oh! Uh… I can’t go out tonight” Niko looked away from me. “Why not?” I stepped closer to her. “Because I have to help my mom with my sister!” Niko kept her eyes away from me. “You have to help with your sister..?” I repeated but I turned it into a question. “Yeah..my sister hasn’t been feeling well lately and my mom would like help to take care of her.” “Um okay. Well I hope your sister feels better” I nodded my head. “Thank you...um later Maya!” Niko waved and walked out the exit.  
I sighed. I need to be outside. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked through my contact list. Who could I ask to hangout with?  
Me: Hey… I know it’s been a month since we last spoke to each other but do you wanna hangout? I need to get my mind off of things  
Akaashi: Yeah I’m not busy tonight  
Me: Okay cool  
Akaashi: I’ll pick you up at your school  
Me: You don’t have to. We can meet somewhere. I don’t want you to travel all the way here  
Akaashi: It’s no big deal. I’ll be there soon

I put my phone back inside my pocket and stood by the exit of the school. I waited for Akaashi to come pick me up. I didn’t really want him to do so but for some reason he wanted to. I wonder why.  
I watched as I saw a dark haired boy approached Karasuno. “Hey Maya” Akaashi waved lightly. “Hey Akaashi” I sunk my body down. How am I supposed to go out with someone I barely know? I met him a month ago at the training camp, where all we did was practice volleyball. Is this really the best that I can do? “So are you ready?” Akaashi asked ready to step out of the school. “Yeah” I shrugged my shoulders. I was walking next to him, feeling unsure of myself. Am I really this desperate? Did I really have to ask someone that I don’t know to go out with me? I sighed to myself.  
“I know a small restaurant that isn’t too far from here. Maybe we can go there” Akaashi shrugged. Oh great… I mean I know it’s unhealthy for me to not eat. Especially when carrying a baby but who do I look like caring for a baby I don’t even want? “Um yeah sounds good to me” I lied. We walked a few blocks down and I was feeling tired. This damn baby and everything that happened to me has me feeling so worn out. “The restaurant is just around that corner” Akaashi pointed. I nodded my head.  
We entered the restaurant and were immediately seated. “So how come you’re out with me instead of your friends?” Akaashi looked through the menu that was placed onto the square table. “My friends… were all busy and I really needed to be out. So thank you for willing to spend time with me” I rubbed my arm. “It’s no big deal. I mean Bokuto misses you. He talks non stop about how much he wants to play with you and Niko again” Akaashi brought his eyes up to me. I would love to be able to play volleyball with Bokuto again but how can I? “It was cool practicing with you though” Akaashi added. I blinked a few times. “T-thank you…” I don’t even know what to say to him.  
The food that Akaashi ordered arrived and was put onto the table. I looked at the plate in front of me. The only color was green. Is this some kind of vegetable? “Akaashi what did you say this was again?” I questioned him while still staring at the plate. “It’s boiled rapeseed plants with karashi mustard dressing” he picked up his set of chopsticks and swirled his food with it. It looks disgusting but I don’t want to tell him that. “It taste better than it looks” he brought the chopsticks to his mouth. It was like he read my mind. I turned my head to the left side of me and grabbed the chopsticks. I gulped before using the chopsticks to pick up this strange meal in front of me. “Um I can order you something else if you’d like” I felt Akaashi look into me. How can I have him order something else for me? It’s not even like I’m actually interested in eating anyway. “Um no it’s fine. I just don’t have much of an appetite” I admitted. “Oh. That’s okay. We’ll just pack up your plate and take it with us” he lightly nodded his head.  
I watched Akaashi get up from the table and bow at the waiter. He put the food I had on my plate into a bowl and into a bag. I pushed the chair out and stood up. “Maya do you want to do anything else?” He questioned with the slightest head tilt, enough for me to catch it. “I didn’t really have any specific places i want to go but I’m willing to do anything” I shrugged my shoulders. Akaashi thought for a moment. “I have to buy new knee pads. Do you want to come with me?” He started to play with his fingers. Oh so he has that habit too. “Sure that sounds good to me.”  
I need to make conversation with him. I need to be more comfortable around him. “So how long did you know Bokuto?” Why did I ask about someone else? I wanted to face palm so badly. “I knew him a little bit before I went to Fukurodani but barely. I mostly just knew of him. He kind of influenced my decision to go to Fukurodani…” Akaashi explained. “Oh really?” “Yeah it was something about his passion for volleyball that interested me” He began to play with his fingers again. I smiled a bit at him. “You two seem really close” I rubbed my arm. “Bokuto’s been a good friend and we support each other I guess” he lightly shrugged. “Okay so what about you? How long have you and Suga been together?” That question stabbed me. I felt a pain my chest. F*ck I wish he didn’t ask that. He turned his head to face me. I had my eyes to the ground. “Sugawara and I… aren’t together anymore” I breathed out. “Oh. I’m sorry I shouldn’t of asked that” he was flustered. “It’s cool. You wouldn’t of known unless I told you anyway.” I shifted my eyes to him and he had his locked onto mine. His dark blue eyes were getting lost. He rubbed the back of his head. “Um anyway we’re close by the sporting store” he moved his head away. I nodded my head as I continued to follow him. 

“These knee pads look good enough” Akaashi picked up a pack Ace knee pads. I don’t think I ever owned knee pads before. “Would you like a pack?” Akaashi asked picking out another one. “You don’t need to get me any” I waved my hands. “It’ll be useful. You’re a volleyball player and you should definitely have knee pads” he passed me one. “Thank you” I blushed. We walked to the cashier and Akaashi paid for the knee pads. I thanked him again. “Maya it’s not a big deal” he shrugged. It is to me. He’s being so kind to me when he doesn’t have to be. “Akaashi I know a gym that we can go to...do you want to play volleyball?” I decided to ask him. I was shocked that I asked him that. I haven’t played volleyball in such a long time. “Sure I’d love to play with you.”

“I like this gym because it has its own volleyballs” I grabbed a ball from the rack. Akaashi stepped onto the court and stretched his body. I turned away from the rack and watched Akaashi put his knee pads on. I smiled a bit to myself. Maybe I should put on the knee pads he gave me. I picked up the pack of knee pads and began to put them on. They had a good grip on my knees. “Akaashi you can serve the ball first” I tossed it to him and jogged to my side of the net. “Okay I’m ready.”  
Akaashi threw the ball up and served it towards me. I kept my eyes trained onto the ball and ran towards it. I jumped and hit the ball and it went towards Akaashi. My breathing was hard and short. Damn that f*cking jump took a lot out of me. Before I even noticed Akaashi spiked the ball and it hit the floor. Sh*t I need to pay attention. I walked up to the ball and tossed it back to him.  
I stared as he was spiking the ball. I jumped in attempt to block it but he got it passed me. I’m f*cking terrible. I put my hands on my hips and was struggling to catch my breath. “Maya are you okay?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah I’m good. I just haven’t played in a while” I shrugged. “Um okay. You can serve the ball this time” he pointed at the ball as it was rolling further away from me. I took a deep breath in and made my way to the ball. Get back here you little sh*t. I picked up the ball and walked back to where I was standing. I drifted my eyes back to Akaashi who was prepared for my attack. I threw the ball into the air and jumped for it but I missed and fell onto my back. I heard footsteps approach me. “Maya are you alright? You look like you hit your back pretty hard” Akaashi asked me. I tried to lift myself up with my elbows but I felt too weak. Akaashi put his hand out and I was hesitant to grab it but I still did. He lifted me up so easily. “I’ll get you some water” Akaashi turned away. F*ck me dude. My stomach was tightening and the pain was starting to become unbearable. I put a hand onto my stomach and held onto it as if it were going to fall.  
“Here Maya, you should drink this” Akaashi passed me a cup of water. “Thank you” my voice was strained. I brought the cup to my lips and finished the water in two big gulps. Akaashi moved his eyebrows up. “I think we shouldn’t play anymore” Akaashi suggested. I nodded my head. “I guess I’ll go home and get some rest” I put a hand on the back of my neck. “Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Do you want me to walk you home?” Akaashi fiddled with his fingers. “No I’ll be fine” I shook my head. “Are you sure?” His eyes searched my face. “I’m good.” I wanted to play volleyball with him for a little while longer but my stupid body had to go and ruin it. We exited the gym and Akaashi turned his body to me. “It was nice seeing you again Maya” He put his hand behind his head. “Same to you. We should definitely go out more often. Uh I’ll text you when I get home” I waved at him. “I’ll be waiting” he lightly waved back. I gave him a quick smile before heading towards the bus stop. I rubbed my forehead.  
As I was walking down the street I saw something familiar through my peripheral vision. I was the bubble tea spot that Sugawara took me. I sighed as I stared at it. I’m not even in the mood for bubble tea. When I turned around I realized I made a mistake. Maybe I should of stood looking at the bubble tea place because I saw my demise. I was shaken to my core. My eyes were wide and my eyebrows furrowed. I stepped back almost bumping into the wall of the bubble tea building. Sugawara and Veronica. Why the f*ck was he with her. I watched as she playfully pushed him and giggled. She had the biggest smile on her face. Sugawara was speaking to her and his lips began to curve into a smile too. I swallowed hard. Veronica proceeded to hold Sugawara’s hand and they looked like a couple. Wasn’t Veronica with that Tendou boy? Why the f*ck is she holding my boyfriend’s hand?! Ex-boyfriend… My blood started to boil and rush to my face. I couldn’t stand to look at them any longer. I sped walked to the bus stop and luckily the bus was approaching. 

I slammed the door when I walked in and entered the kitchen. Why the f*ck is he with that b*tch? I thought he didn’t care about her! Did he leave me for her?! I was losing my mind. I pacing back and forth and my footsteps were hard. I banged my hand against the counter top. “I f*cking hate my life!” Tears were dropping onto the counter. I shot my eyes towards Alice’s kitchen knifes and pulled one out. I never realized how glorious a knife was. I stared at the tip of the knife and had it touch my skin. Would it hurt if I made the tip go deeper? Deep down I didn’t want to cut myself but it felt like I was no longer in control. Who even am I?  
One cut  
Two cuts  
Three cuts  
Four cuts  
“Maya are y- MAYA WHAT THE F*CK?!” There was a voice calling for me. I know the voice but I couldn’t make out who it was. To me the voice was muffled. I couldn’t really hear a thing. I looked up to find where the muffled sound was coming from. There was a figure rushing towards me but they were blurry. My body was moving side to side and I could no longer keep myself up. My body dropped to the floor but it felt like it happened in slow motion. I was no longer conscious.

Thinking of you in my bed  
You were my everything  
Thoughts of a wedding ring  
Now I'm just better off dead  
\----------


	30. Sigh

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh  
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah  
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh  
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah  
\----------

I felt my eyes flutter open and I looked around. Where I am? “You finally woke up” I heard a soft voice say. I moved my head to the left and saw Alice sitting on a chair next to me. I’m in a hospital? I was laying on a hospital bed and the sound of the vital machine was annoying. How did I even get here? “Maya what were you thinking? If Hanae wouldn’t of found you, we’ve could of lost you” Her eyes were teary. I squinted my eyes trying to remember the events that took place last night. I remember being with Akaashi then being upset over something, I don’t know what it was. I lifted my arm and saw the cuts that I made. So it wasn't a nightmare. I actually did cut myself. “I’m sorry” my voice was groggy and weak. Alice moved forward in her chair to hug me. I heard her crying into my neck and I felt her body move within each breath. “Alice don’t cry for me. I’m not worth your tears” I’ve never seen her cry before. “Maya don’t say that. You know how worried I was? Please never cut yourself again” Alice wiped her tears. I don’t want to promise anything.  
From the corner of my eye I saw someone walk in. “Hello Maya I am Dr. Sato. How are you feeling?” He asked me. “I could be better.” I could be dead. “We ran some tests and we noticed a few things” he was holding a clipboard. I watched as he was looking through the papers. “We saw that you were pregnant.” He continued to look through his clipboard. Alice got a hold of my hand and shot her head towards me. She mouthed the word pregnant. I closed my eyes and took a breath in. “We’re sorry to say that you had a miscarriage due to your weight. Maya you are underweight and the baby was not getting fed properly. We’re not even sure if you were getting fed properly. Your body is too weak to carry a baby. We’ve also noted that you have depression. I am going to prescribe you with antidepressants and vitamin B to help your metabolism” Dr Sato went on.  
“Hey Maya” Hanae walked into the room. She was holding a carton of banana milk. She passed me it and I stuck the straw in. “Well Maya I think it would be best if you see a therapist” Dr Sato suggested. A therapist? Why the hell would I want to talk to some stranger about my issues? “No thank you” I said plainly. “Maya I think it’s a good idea. You’ll get professional help and be able to talk to someone that you can trust” Alice squeezed my hand. What if I don’t want to trust anyone else? I trusted Sugawara and look at where it brought me. “Don’t worry Maya I’ll assign you a great therapist” Dr Sato smiled. I. Don’t. Want. A. Therapist. “Honey it’ll be fine” Hanae told me. I angrily sipped on the straw. “Fine since it seems like I don’t have any other choice” I turned my eyes to the wall. “Okay. Well we’re going to let you rest now. You’ll be fine to go to school tomorrow but you’ll most likely would have an appointment with a therapist” Dr Sato nodded. “Oh..good” I rolled my eyes. Alice, Hanae, and Dr Sato all left the room.  
I look towards the night table that was next to me. My phone was on top of it. I grabbed my phone and looked at my notifications. I had a text from Akaashi. Oh sh*t I forgot to tell him when I got home.  
Akaashi: Hey Maya  
Me: Hey Akaashi i’m sorry i didn’t tell you when i got home. Things got a little crazy  
Akaashi: Is everything okay?  
Me: yeah i’m just in the hospital  
Akaashi: Wait why? Which hospital are you in?  
I looked at my location on my phone.  
Me: Jutendo Hospital  
Akaashi: Is it okay if I come visit you?  
Me: i feel it’ll be a waste of time  
Akaashi: Maya it wouldn’t be a waste of time bc I’ll get to see you and make sure you’re okay  
Me: Akaashi seriously i’m good  
Akaashi: I’m still going to visit you. I’ll pick you up a coffee jelly. See you soon  
I sighed at Akaashi’s message. How come he wants to see me so badly? Usually he seems like he wouldn’t care. What’s different this time?  
“Here I hope you like it” Akaashi walked into to my room and he passed me a bag. I took out a small plastic container and saw the coffee jelly inside. “Thank you. I’ve never had one before” I opened it and picked up the fork it came with. “It’s good. It’s a nice combination of sweet and bitter” he played with his pointer finger. I scooped a small piece of the dark jelly and brought it to my mouth. “You’re right it does taste good” I smiled. “Desserts make you happy?” Akaashi gave me a small smile back. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile until today. It was...pretty cute. “Yeah” I chuckled. “Good to know” He awkwardly looked around the room. “Akaashi you could sit next to me” I pointed at the chair Alice was sitting on. “Um okay” he approached the chair and sat down and had his eyes to the floor. “So what happened? We were just together a few hours ago and I didn’t notice anything wrong until we played volleyball.” I sighed and had my eyes on him. “I’m not the healthiest person. I kind of fainted and I guess it was serious because here I am” I shrugged my shoulders. He kept staring at the floor.  
I want to let him in. I want to tell him what happened but I feel it’s too soon. How do I know he won’t do the same thing Sugawara did. He made me believe that he could be trusted. I’m not sure if Akaashi could be too. Akaashi slowly drifted his eyes back to me. I could tell he wanted answers but I wasn’t ready to give it to him. I need to know that I can trust people again before I allow myself to let you in. “I think I should get going. You should get some sleep. Let me know when you are emitted.” He brought his body forward but had a hesitant look on his face then moved back. He then got up from the chair and approached the door. “Um I’ll see you soon” he waved before leaving. I sighed as he walked out the door. I didn’t really want him to leave just  
yet but there wasn’t a reason for him to stay.

I don’t care how weak I am I want to play volleyball. I stepped into the gym and I had my uniform on ready to play. “Gonzalez the f*ck are you doing here?” The coach asked me. “I’m here to play volleyball. It’s the gym...and it’s time for practice” I told the coach. “You haven’t bee to practice in days! I don’t f*cking want you on this team. We don’t need a pregnant people on this f*cking team” The coach spat out. I widened my eyes. How did she know that I was pregnant? “H-how did you know that?” I pulled my eyebrows together. “Your mother told me about it. You f*cking whore. You’re a teenager! What the f*ck are you doing getting pregnant?!” I rolled my eyes. Yes because I f*cking asked for Ushijima to stick his d*ck inside of me and plant his seed. “We have the official match against Seijoh. You would just be slowing us down” her voice was stern. “But I-” “I don’t want to hear it. We’re going up against Seijoh in a few days and we don’t need a b*tch like you. You don’t even care about volleyball” her words with harsh. The only thing I was able to look forward to and it’s also been taken away from me.  
I turned away and looked at the court. I saw Niko and decided to approach her. “Hey Niko” my tone was defeated. “Hey Maya” Niko yawned. She has light bags under her eyes. “You look tired” I furrowed my eyebrows slightly. “Oh...yeah because um I stood up late. With my sister” she nodded her head. “Uh okay. I just wanted to tell you that I got kicked out of the team” I played with my fingers. “What!” Niko exclaimed with her eyes wide. She then moved her arm to cover her mouth and coughed into her elbow. “You feeling okay?” I titled my head. “Don’t worry about me! What about you? How come you got kicked off the team?” she pouted. “Niko it’s complicated and sometimes things happen” I shrugged my shoulders. “Aw come on Maya there has to be a reason. You can’t keep hiding stuff” she coughed again. She’s one to talk. “Niko…” I started. “Maya I just want to know…” Niko rubbed her arm. “It’s because of health issues” I lied. She blinked and stared at me. “You have health problems?” Her face was sincere. “Uh yeah. I’m not healthy enough to play volleyball. Which sucks because I’ve been getting really into it” I played with my fingers.  
“HEY YOU WITH THE DUMB BOWS GET BACK TO PRACTICING AND SPEAK TO PEOPLE WHO AREN’T ON THE F*CKING TEAM!” The coach yelled at Niko. “I-I’m sorry coach I just-” Niko’s eyebrows furrowed. “I DON’T F*CKING CARE WHAT YOU WERE DOING. PLAY ATTENTION TO THE F*CKING GAME OR ELSE YOU’LL GET KICKED OFF TOO!” I sighed and looked back at Niko who had her eyes on the floor. “Talk to you soon okay?” I titled my head. Niko nodded still looking at the floor. As I was about to leave the gym I turned my head to give one last look. I let out a long breath before leaving the gym. 

I'm lost then I'm found  
But it's torture bein' in love  
I love when you're around  
But I fuckin' hate when you leave  
\----------


	31. Pacing

Trapped in a concept  
Falsely accused, misused and misled  
Bitch, I'm hoping you fucking rest in peace  
(I tried to be patient with you)  
\----------

“How are you feeling today?” Dr Takahashi asked. Dr Takahashi is my therapist that I’ve been assigned to. She looked like she could have been in her 30’s. Her dark hair slightly passing her jawline. Her head was round and her eyes were small. Her nose was upturned and her lips were medium sized. She was a little bit shorter than I was. I was sitting on a couch that felt cheap. The springs in the couch were poking me. “Like I want to wither away” my voice was nonchalant. “Maya what’s making you feel this way?” she crossed her legs and was prepared with a notepad and a pen. She seemed like a stereotypical therapist.  
“Life” I rolled my eyes. “Tell me what’s going on in your life” she nodded her head. “Okay so I’m being forced to talk to some stranger about my problems when they don’t even care. They just want to get paid” I smiled sarcastically. She moved back in her chair and separated her lips. “That was quite the response from such a young lady” she sounded so disapproving. I groaned. “Well I’m sorry that I’m not here willingly” I crossed my arms. “I understand Maya but you shouldn’t take your anger out on someone who is just trying to help you” she looked down at her notepad. “Help me or help your wallet?” I lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t need your sas Maya. You have been assigned a good therapist and here I am trying to be that. But you don’t want to allow me to understand what’s going on.” I brought my eyes up to the ceiling. I don’t want to speak to anyone about my issues. I could deal with them on my own. I’m all that I have anyway, and it’s been like that for my entire life. Why not keep it like that?  
Dr Takahashi put a hand on her forehead. Must be feeling stressed but I couldn’t care less. “Maya please try to open up” she attempted to speak softly. I took a deep breath and remembered how things used to be before I was friends with Sugawara, Niko, and Asahi. I used to sit alone in the cafeteria while they would walk up to me and try to strike up a conversation. I would stay to myself, not saying a single word. Maybe I should of kept it that way. I’m such an idiot for letting them into my life. I mean Niko and Asahi are cool, but look at where I am now. F*ck you Koshi Sugawara. I put a hand on my chest. For some reason I still yearn for you.  
“We still have 45 minutes left and I’ve learned nothing about you” she turned the notepad to me so I can see a blank page. “I could tell you’re holding your emotions back.” Wow I can’t believe she was able to tell that I’m keeping my emotions to myself. She must me a really talented psychologist. “Maybe you don’t need to learn anything about me. Let me be” I tried to get comfortable on the couch. “I don’t know what else to do to make you speak” she wagged the pen. “In that case...I’m out of here” I got up from the couch and started to walk towards the door. “Maya you aren’t allowed to leave yet” she rolled her eyes. “No one needs to know that I didn’t finish this session. Anyway see you next time” I turned the knob to the door. “Maya sit back down” her voice was stern. “But I’m already about to walk through the door” I taunted. “Maya Gonzalez sit your ass down.” “Oh well someone’s mad” I shrugged my shoulders. I don’t want to be in this room. Talking to someone I don’t know. If I had to speak to someone I barely know then I would choose Akaashi.  
I sat back down on the uncomfortable couch. “If you really want me to keep coming to these session you better get a new couch” I demanded. Takahashi rolled her eyes again. “So let’s start with your life at home” she fixed her posture. “Which one? The one that I had with my parents, or the one that I have with my aunt, or even better the one that I had with my ex-boyfriend” I smiled. Takahashi furrowed her eyebrows. I moved back onto the couch and had my back against it. “So I see that you’ve been living in different place” she wrote in her notepad. “Yeah but of course I’ve lived with my parents for the longest” I crossed my arms. “And what was that like?” She titled her head. “Oh like every child’s dream” I nodded my head. After the 45 minutes were over I left the room without any hesitation. Takahashi still barely knows anything about me. All she knows is that I had a rough time in my parent’s apartment but she doesn’t know details and I don’t plan on giving them to her. 

I climbed onto my bed and pulled my phone out. I sighed and went to my contacts until I came across Akaashi.  
Me: what’s up?  
Akaashi: Just practicing with Bokuto. What’s up with you?  
Me: i’m okay… i just had an appointment. tell Bokuto i said hi  
Akaashi: He has the biggest smile on his face right now. He wants to see you  
Me: lol  
Akaashi: He’s asking me when can we all hangout  
Me: oh i’m not really sure bc my aunt wants to keep an eye on me and i have appointments with my therapist twice a week  
Akaashi: You have to see a therapist?  
Me: yeah but i’m good. my doctor is just worried but it’s nothing serious  
Akaashi: I hope not. I’ll catch you later, Bokuto just got upset because I didn’t see how well he spiked the ball  
Me: lol see you soon  
I put my phone into my pocket and decided to look through my bookbag. I smiled lightly when I found my favorite book. Flower For Algernon. I haven’t read this book in such a long time, I’ve missed you. I opened the book and felt nostalgic. I can’t believe I told Sugawara about this book, I shook my head. He most likely wouldn’t appreciate this masterpiece. I continued reading the book and felt myself getting lost into it. It felt amazing being able to focus on something that I love doing.  
“Maya?!” Alice barged into the room causing me to jump up. “Alice are you okay?” My eyes were wide and my eyebrows furrowed. She was breathing hard and she put her hand on her chest. “I was worried because you weren’t answering me.” “Oh I’m sorry Alice. I didn’t hear you because I was reading” I shrugged. “Books are going to be the death of me” Alice joked. I smiled at her. “So how was your first session?” she sat next to me. “Um…” I shifted my eyes away from her. “Maya” she lifted an eyebrow. “I’m sorry Alice. I can’t help it. I don’t like opening up to people, especially that I did so recently with someone that I thought cared about me…” I rubbed my arm. “I understand Maya but Dr Takahashi needs to know what’s going on” she placed her hand onto my back. “But for her to know what’s happening I have to let her in and I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that” I drifted my eyes to the floor. Alice gave me a hug. “Maya you have to try. I want to see my niece doing well” she got up from the bed. “I’ll make you some dinner.”  
I pulled out a chair from the dining table and sat down. I put my hand onto my cheek as Alice was bringing a plate to me. “Here you go Maya. Something that I know you’d enjoy” Alice put the plate in front of me and my stomach turned. “Sp-spicy mapo tofu?” I looked at the plate then at Alice and back at the plate. “Yeah! I remembered how much you liked it and I need to get you to eat” she smiled. “I-I can’t eat this” I pushed the plate forward, moving it away from me. “Why not?” She titled her head. “Because I don’t have an appetite” I shook my head. “Aw come on Maya. You should try to eat it.” “I can’t” I shook my head again. “Maya…” I shut my eyes and pursed my lips together. “What’s wrong?” Alice sat down on the dining chair. I opened my eyes but my vision was blurry. “I just can’t eat this Alice. Can we get something else instead?” “Okay..um how about how make you some onigiri?” Alice grabbed the plate. I nodded my head lightly. 

"Oh look it's Maya" a voice from behind me said. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning around. "Hello Veronica" I crossed my arms. "Aw is the little baby upset I took her man” she pushed her bottom lip out mockingly. “Shut up Veronica” I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah I forgot. You went from Ushijima to Akaashi. You have really bad taste. You should have stood with Koshi because that man is amazing” she smiled. I bit my top lip trying to keep myself sane. “Maybe you’re the one with the bad taste. If Sugawara was so ‘amazing’ then how come I ‘left him’ for Akaashi?” I put my hand on my hip. What the f*ck am I saying? I’m not even with Akaashi. “Oooh good to know you admitted it” she pointed to something behind me. Or more than someone behind me. I widened my eyes. “Su-Sugawara?” I played with my pointer finger.  
Sugawara had an intense expression on his face. “And now you finally say it. What? So I wasn’t good enough for you?” He crossed his arms. “How much did you hear?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Enough from you!” He pulled his eyebrows together. “Sugawara it was just a misunderstanding. This entire thing is a misunderstanding!” I pleaded. “You’re right. I misunderstood your intentions. I thought you were better than this but I was wrong.” He approached Veronica and put his arm around her waist like he used to do to me. I wanted to vomit at the sight of them together. “Sugawara stop being so ignorant! This b*tch right there is manipulating you! I saw Tendou and her kissing. She’s not really into you she just wants to get back at me!” I shot my eyes to Veronica. “Oh please Maya stop making things up” Veronica dismissed me.  
“You should know Veronica is a terrible person!” I looked back at Sugawara. “He doesn’t think I’m a terrible person. Especially not the night we f*cked” Veronica licked her bottom lip and Sugawara blushed. “W-what?” I was taken aback. “Oh you know. We slept together. We had sex and real good too” she pulled Sugawara closer to her. I felt the entire hallway spin. Veronica...and Sugawara...slept together? He slept with that whore?! She went into his house? She had her body on his bed like I had mine? My blood was boiling. “Suga you f*cking idiot! I can’t f*cking believe this sh*t! I know we’re not together anymore for some sh*tty reason but you stooped that low to f*ck this b*tch?!” I pointed at her. “Maya watch your damn mouth. You shouldn’t be talking about her like that. Plus whatever we do together shouldn’t bother you because it doesn’t concern you” Sugawara stated. “Sugawara you sound as b*tchy as she does!” I yelled at him. “Maya you sound like you need a hug” Veronica pouted. “Shut the f*ck up. And before you say anything about the way I just spoke to her… you can go suck a d*ck” and with that I walked away from them.  
I was so infuriated. I couldn’t believe him! Why her out of all people? I walked into the cafeteria noticed Niko was already sitting at my table. I continued to the table. “Hiya Maya…” Niko sounded pretty tired. I sat down hard and felt my body bounce a bit. “What happened?” Niko titled her head. “Your childhood friend” I crossed my arms. “You know Maruko-chan?!” Her eyes twinkled. “What? Who’s that? I was talking about Sugawara” I shook my head. “Oh” she sounded disappointed. “What did he do?” She yawned. “Did you know he’s with Veronica?” I cracked my knuckles. “You mean that girl that gives me that bad feelies? Why is he with her? He never told me about this” she pouted. “I don’t know Niko. That girl is not right for him” I pulled my eyebrows together. “You’re absolutely right! You are made for him” she cleared her throat. I rolled my eyes.  
“Niko you really shouldn’t say that.” “Why not? I’m just telling the truth” she cleared he throat again. “Niko you know damn well I’m not getting back together with Sugawara. He hates me. I should hate him too” I closed my eyes. “Should? That means you don’t… right?” Niko titled her head. I opened my eyes and looked at her. “For some reason I don’t. I rather be the one that he holds instead of Veronica. But I’m done with him. I need to move on” I pulled my phone out. “Aw come on Maya. You need to make up with him” she batted her eyelashes. “How can I? When I look at him now all I can see is a heartless guy with a f*ck toy” I shook my head in disgust. “A what?” Niko titled her head. I sighed. “He has done some things with Veronica…” I tried to explain. “Some things?” Niko questioned. “You and Asahi never done...stuff?” What am I asking? “Oh yeah!” she smiled a bit. “Wait what?” I was taken aback. “We do stuff all the time!” Niko nodded. “Niko I-” I shifted my eyes back and forth. “Last night was pretty fun too” she began to play with her fingers. I furrowed my eyebrows. “Niko…” “He came over to my house as a surprise visit and I showed him my room” she kept her smile small. Niko what are you trying to tell me? “And it was especially great because-” I cut her off. “Niko I don’t need details” I waved my hands. “But I was at the best part” she pouted. Oh God. “Anyway he brought me some soup but slipped on a sock! That was the best laugh I had in such a long time” she brought her eyes to the table.  
Why did I think she was going to say something way worse than that? I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “What do you mean in such a long time?” Niko is usually such a giggly person so how come she hasn’t laughed properly in a while. “Oh well...you know because things have been kind of messed up. You and Sugie are separated and that’s no laughing matter. I liked it better when you guys were together because it was super cute!” She began to cough. “Are you okay Niko?” “Yeah I’m good. But I could totally use some of that soup Asahi bear brought to me yesterday” she giggled lightly. I smiled a bit but was concerned for her. “So how did Asahi slip on a sock?” I rested my cheek onto my hand. “I didn’t know I had a sock on the floor and when I was showing him my room his foot landed on the sock. When he was trying to walk I saw his body move backwards and I thought he was going to fall. He almost dropped the soup and he was so embarrassed” she squeezed her eyes shut and smiled.  
“Can I see your phone real quick?” Niko pointed at it. “Uh sure” I passed it to her. She turned on my phone. I had no idea what she was doing. She lifted it and had my phone pointing at her. Next thing I knew she started to pose. “Niko are you taking pictures of yourself on my phone?” I questioned her. “Yeah” she continued to snap a few pictures. “You’re so silly” I rolled my eyes. “Come on Maya! Get into the picture” she motioned her hand to come to her. I groaned and walked to her side of the table. I sat down next to her and she pointed the phone in a way that we were both seen. I kept my face straight and Niko curved her lips into a smile. “This is such a cute photo!” Niko squealed. Her reaction caused her to cough again. “Niko do you need some water?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “No I’m okay. I just need to calm down” she gave me a reassuring smile. “Um okay.” 

“How was school?” Alice asked me. It’s like now she feels the need to constantly check up on me like I’m going to break. “It was school. There were people. And there was work” I nodded my head. “Maya you can survive without your smart remarks” Alice lifted her eyebrows. “Sorry.” I started to head for my bedroom. “I’ll be in here if you need me” I told Alice. I opened the door and threw my bag on the floor. I put both of my hands on my face and thought about Sugawara and Veronica. Why her? Why her Sugawara? You couldn’t do better? You f*cking had me but you decided to let me go when you said you wouldn’t. 

I'm cut open, her fingers in all my stab wounds  
And if she could, she'd probably dance  
On my grave, inside my head  
I see your face, I fucking hate  
That I love you still  
Carry on, life flies, so just carry on  
With this pain inside of my chest  
Got no choice but to carry on  
\----------


	32. I don't even know anymore

Don't be that way  
Fall apart twice a day  
I just wish you could feel what you say  
Show, never tell  
But I know you too well  
Got a mood that you wish you could sell  
\----------

I picked up the bottle of antidepressants that was sitting on my night table. I stared at the cylindrical bottle. “Of course there are f*cking side effects” I mumbled. I placed the bottle back onto the night table. I am not taking a pill with such weird side effects. I yawned as I started to put my school uniform on. I know I should be taking my antidepressants but do I really want something that’ll cause me nausea, dizziness, insomnia, agition, apparently anxiety which I already have, and more.   
As I was putting my shirt on I heard my phone buzzing. I turned around towards my bed and picked up the noisy rectangle. I got a text from Niko.  
Niko: Hiya Maya...I’m not going to school today :’(  
Me: Why not? Don’t you have the Seijoh match tomorrow?  
Niko: Yeah I do but i have another check up with the doctor  
Me: But didn’t you just go to the doctor recently?  
Niko: Yeah but they want to make sure everything is okay and see why I have been coughing a lot but im good :)  
Me: um ok Niko. I’ll see you tomorrow?  
Niko: yup

I was walking up to the school when I realized that there was barely anyone here. Did I get here early? I sighed as I continued walking to the building. I was scrolling through my phone when I started to hear a female’s voice in front of me. I looked up from my phone and seen flowing blonde hair. I rolled my eyes knowing exactly who it was. Her back was facing me and she was standing front of someone. “Tendou you’re so silly” Veronica giggled. I widened my eyes and hid behind a wall. Why is Tendou here? He doesn’t given go to this school.   
I peeked my head out to continue seeing what they were doing. Veronica lifted herself up and kiss Tendou on his lips. I f*cking knew they were still together. Damn you Sugawara. I told you that she doesn’t want you. She is still with this Tendou guy. Why can’t you come in and see them kissing. You conveniently showed up when I was talking to Veronica so where are you now? “So how’s Ushijima?” Veronica put her hand on Tendou’s arm. “He’s fine. He wants me to help him find a new victim.” Tendou rolled his eyes. A new victim? What are they talking about?  
“What was Maya not enough for him?” Veronica crossed her arms. “No he wasn’t satisfied with her so he wants more girls.” My stomach burned. Why are they helping him? How can they be so cruel and allow him to destroy people’s lives. I need to do something. But what?  
I stepped out from behind the wall. “Y'all are some real f*ckers!” I had my hands into fists. Veronica turned around a raised her eyebrows. “What the f*ck are you doing here Maya?” Veronica asked. “Oh I don’t know. Last time I checked I was enrolled in this damn school” I tightened my fists. Veronica rolled her eyes. “Tendou do something about this girl” Veronica ordered. Tendou began to walk up to me. “Maya why don’t you comply? If you heard anything, don’t speak about it” He voice was smug. “No! I will not allow you, that b*tch over there, Sidney, or that d*ck head Ushijima to rape another person!” Tendou laughed. “Really? What are going to do about it?” He lifted an eyebrow. He was right. What could I possibly do?   
Veronica smiled from behind Tendou. I want to knock that smile off of her face. “See exactly there is nothing you can do. You can scream but no one will hear” His smile was smug. His words sent a shiver down my spine. If I were to speak out about what Ushijima did to me will anyone listen? Would anyone believe me? “Maya you’re just a sad case” Veronica walked up to stand next to Tendou. “Shut the f*ck up Veronica” I pointed at her. “Woah no need to be so vulgar” he kept his smile. Veronica stepped closer to me. “Does the baby need a hug?” She put her arms out. I stared into her eyes and they were mocking me. I was infuriated. I pushed Veronica and watched her fall onto the floor bumping her head on Tednou’s leg. “F*ck you and the entire crew!” I yelled at them.  
As I yelled at them people started to enter the school. I heard mumbles and eyes were staring. “Tendou you better f*cking leave before Sugawara gets here” I threatened before walking away. I can’t stand them. I have to make sure I keep an eye out for them. I can’t have them try anything else to me or to anyone else. I simply won’t stand for it. 

Hand, hands getting cold  
Losing feeling is getting old  
Was I made from a broken mold?  
Hurt, I can't shake  
We've made every mistake  
Only you know the way that I break   
\----------


	33. So We Just Keep On Falling?

Get a load of this monster  
He doesn't know how to communicate  
His mind is in a different place  
Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?  
\----------

I jerked my body up and felt myself panting. My shirt was drenched in a cold sweat. I looked around my room. Oh thank God. I was in here alone. There was no one here but me. I put a hand on my forehead. I guess it was just a nightmare. I pushed my body so that way my back was on the wall. I hugged my knees and buried my face into them. My nightmare felt way too real. I had my eyes closed as I was trying to remember the events in my dream.  
I was trapped in a room. My mouth had been duct taped and my arms were tied together. There was whimpering but it wasn’t coming from me. Sounds of trying to get untied were filling the room. There were other females here. I couldn’t really see them because of how dark the room was. Then suddenly something began to creek. I think a door was opening. After the sound of the door opening there was deep laughter. “I think I want to play with that one” a familiar voice spoke. “That one it is” someone else declared. A hand wrapped around my arm and forced me up. Who ever it was threw me out of the room and I fell onto the floor. I turned my head and there was the spiky red head and the olive haired boys. “I can’t wait to have fun with you” Ushijima smirked. Tendou laughed.   
Ushijima ripped the tape off of my mouth. Usually there’s supposed to be a sting but I felt nothing. Ringing was being heard and Tendou began to dig inside of his pocket. He took his phone out and lifted it to his ear. “What’s up babe?” Tendou asked the person he was on the phone with. As Tendou was speaking on the phone, Ushijima stared and was caressing my leg. “Don’t touch me” I spat out. “What you don’t like the feeling of my skin touching yours?” His voice was smug. “No the f*ck I don’t. I would much rather be with Sugawara than you so let me go” my voice was stern. He laughed. “Suga doesn’t want you. He doesn’t need you. He isn’t going to do anything for you. All that you have is me” he smashed his lips onto mine. “Yeah Ushiwaka is with his toy right now so I’ll call you later” Tendou hung up his phone. “Tendou do me a favor and put her in the car. We’re going to have a nice time” he kissed my cheek.  
That’s when I woke up. I got off the bed and started to get myself ready for school. I really hope I don’t bump into Veronica or Tendou today. Clearly I can’t handle another interaction with them. I sighed as I grabbed my bag and walked out of my bedroom.  
“Hey Maya” Alice spoke from behind me. I had my hand on the door knob, ready to walk out of the house. “Hey...Alice” I brought my eyes to the floor. “I heard that you girls are going against Seijoh today. That’s pretty exciting. I bet you’ll win” I could hear her smile. I closed my eyes. Sh*t I never told her I got kicked off the team. “Uh yeah. I’m sure we’ll win” I turned my head and gave her a forced smile. “I know you can do it.” I felt terrible having her still think I’m on the volleyball team but I can’t tell her now. 

“Niko you’ll do great” I rubbed my arm. “Thank you Maya” her voice was sheepish. The bags under her eyes were darker. “I really wish I was able to play with you. I would love to crush Sidney again” I kicked the air. “I also wish you were able to play. Are you going to watch the game?” Niko titled her head. “I didn’t plan on watching it” I shrugged my shoulders. “Please Maya” Niko bounced. It was slow. Not t like the way she used to hop. I miss her fast and energetic hops. What happened to them? “Okay I guess I could watch the game.” I can’t go home anyway because Alice thinks that I would be playing. Niko gave me a small smile. “You’re gonna cheer for me right?!” She put her hands together. “Of course I will” my lips curved up. “Well I’ve got to go change into my uniform. I’ll see you after the game” she waved as she headed towards the gym.   
I wonder how the boys are feeling right now. They’re also going against Seijoh again. Last time they lost and got upset over it. I’m not sure if they will win this time. While I’m cheering for Niko...will Veronica cheer for Sugawara? I shook my head. I really shouldn’t be thinking about that. I sighed as I began to make my way towards the gym.   
Both Karasuno and Seijoh were already in the gym. They both looked ready to start the game. I walked into the gym and went up the bleachers. I sat in a corner and watched Niko. She turned her head towards the bleachers and looked around until she caught eye of me. Don’t worry Niko I’m here. I gently waved at her. I miss my volleyball uniform. I put my hand on my cheek and the game started. 

Karasuno won the first set. I knew they would win. If we beat Seijoh once then it can happen again. When I brought my eyes back to Niko she looked completely out of breath. She was panting extremely hard. It was strange because Niko’s stamina is usually better than that. I furrowed my eyebrows. Niko grabbed her water bottle and drank from it for a long time.   
During the next set I was holding my arm without realizing. My anxiety was building up and it was getting hard to watch the game. The volleyball was spiked to Karasuno and it was clearly made for Niko. She jumped for the ball but it got passed her. I was such an easy hit though. Niko landed on her legs but they wobbled. What the f*ck is happening to her? Niko may not be the best at volleyball but I know she is way better than this. Her teammates were starting to get agitated with her. Niko was off the entire game. Good thing they still won the first set.   
I looked at the scoreboard and Seijoh was in the lead. The score was 18-20. This isn’t good. I mean it’s only a two point difference but Niko isn’t playing like she should be. Come on Niko. Just get your head into the game. Everything will be fine...I hope.   
Seijoh won this set. I began to play with my pointer finger. Karasuno lost and Niko was the main cause. She gave me a worried look. Her eyes were filled with guilt. Her expression shook me. Niko do not give up. There will be a third set and all you have to do it win that one. I tried to give her a reassuring smile but she turned her head to the floor. Her breathing never regulated. Can she actually play in this set? Shouldn’t they take her out?   
This time the score was 24-23. We only need one more point and we will win. Oh f*ck the ball was given to Niko. I closed my eyes and grabbed the fabric of my pants. Please Niko. Please. I heard cheering and groans which made me open my eyes again. Karasuno was groaning. Sh*t. I looked at the scoreboard again. 24-24. Niko you had it. I brought my eyes back to her. She was shaking her head and her chest was violently moving up and down. Niko just take a f*cking time out please.   
Page had a turn at spiking the ball. She threw it up and hit it. The ball flew to the other side of the net. I could tell Niko wanted to get it but the ball was going towards a different person. Niko ran towards it causing her to bump into her teammate. The ball landed on the floor, giving Seijoh the point. God dammit. Niko you should of just let someone else get to the f*cking ball. Don’t let Seijoh get the last point. Seijoh had to serve and made it go over the net. It felt like the game was going on for an eternity. The ball kept going from Seijoh to Karasuno. No one was gaining a point. Niko took a deep breath in and spiked the ball. She was able to put so much power into the ball. I separated my lips and was sitting at the edge of the bleacher. Please get the point. Please get the point. Everyone on Karasuno was staring at the ball as it was headed towards Seijoh. The ball was falling. No one from Seijoh got to the volleyball and it landed on the floor.  
Karasuno lost. The ball went out. The point was given to Seijoh. I widened my eyes and brought them to Niko. From here I could see her bottom lip quivering. I’m so sorry Niko. The referee blew the whistle and the game was over. Niko kept breathing heavily and she had her head down to the floor. “Thank you for the game!” Karasuno and Seijoh bowed. Seijoh left the gym and Karasuno turned to start entering the locker room. I slowly started to rise from the bleachers until I heard gasps coming from multiple people. I shot my head towards them and immediately saw Niko lying on the floor. She was unconscious. 

(Ooh) My eyes went dark  
(Ooh) I don't know where  
(Ooh) My pupils are  
But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here  
\----------


	34. Run away

I can fake a smile  
I can force a laugh  
I can dance and play the part  
If that's what you ask  
Give you all I am  
\----------  
Niko’s body was being surrounded by the girls volleyball team. I quickly shot up from the bleachers and rushed towards her. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the ambulance. Everyone was staring down at her. I wanted to speak up to them but I couldn’t find my voice. I kneeled down next to her and checked her pulse. It was still pumping but it was faint. What do I do? Is calling the ambulance all that I am capable of? Maybe I should tell Asahi about this. I got up from the floor. “Niko I’ll be right back” I whispered to her. I then ran out the gym and went to the boys.  
I ran into their gym and I saw smiles on all of their faces. I scanned the gym until I found Asahi. “Asahi! Asahi!” I was panting. He turned his head towards me. “What’s up Maya?” He titled his head and Sugawara was glaring at me. “It’s Niko...she collapsed. I called the ambulance. They should be here soon but I’m really worried about her” I explained with my voice shaky. Their expressions changed to concerned ones. “Take me to her” Asahi furrowed his eyebrows. I rushed out of the gym with Asahi and Sugawara following behind me.  
When we went back to the girls gym, Niko was already getting put into the ambulance van. Asahi ran up to the stretcher and grabbed onto Niko’s hand. She was still unconscious. “What happened to her?” Sugawara asked. “I’m not sure. During the game I noticed that she was doing well and afterwards she fell down” My eyebrows furrowed. My eyes were shifting back and forth. Do I comfort him? His childhood friend is going to the hospital. I know he’s been an ass but I know he must be feeling hurt right now. I faced Sugawara. “So…” I started. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to” he spoke softly but yet if felt harsh. I put a hand behind my head. I heard Sugawara’s phone go off. He answered it.  
“Hello Veronica.” I was not going to stay inside this gym if he was going to talk to that b*tch. I walked out of the gym and took a deep breath in. Niko is fine. She’ll be out of the hospital in no time right? 

I was laying on my bed when my phone started to buzz. The caller ID said it was Asahi. I sat up and answered the phone. “Asahi? What’s up? Is Niko okay?” I questioned him impatiently. “It’s actually worse than we thought” his voice sounded defeated. “Why? What’s going on?” My hand was shaking. “Niko um...she has been diagnosed with a heart disease” His voice cracked. My eyes widened and my phone fell to the floor. This can’t be true. There has to be some sort of mistake. I went to go and pick up my phone and as I was doing so I realized how violently my hand was shaking. “Maya you still there?” Asahi asked. “Yeah. Yeah I’m still here” I nodded as if he could see me. “The doctors are trying their best to help her. Um I’m going to let you go now. Her mom suggested that I get some rest” Asahi stated. “Okay. Thank you for letting me know” I hung up the phone.  
It felt like the room was spinning. How am I supposed to deal with news like this?  
“Hello?” I spoke trying to keep the tears inside. “Hey Maya. What’s up?” “Can I see you tonight?” I felt desperate. “Yeah I’m not doing anything important” “Okay I’ll see you soon then.” I got up from my bed and left the house. I didn’t tell Alice or Hanae that I was going to leave. It never crossed my mind. 

“Thank you for meeting me here” I rubbed my arm. “You sounded like you needed to be out of your house” Akaashi shrugged. “Yeah I really did” I sat down on the bench that was next to us. We were at a park. It was dark and a little chilly. Akaashi sat down next to me. “Is everything okay Maya?” He looked at his fingers. I shook my head. “Everything is going down hill. Things happened to me that I’m not ready to share just yet. But I received bad news a few minutes before I called you” I stared at the ground. I felt Akaashi bring his eyes to me. “It was about Niko. I was told… that she has a f*cking heart disease!” I brought my hands to my face. My hands started to feel wet. Akaashi put his arm around me. I buried my face into his side and sobbed into it. I never met to show this much emotion in front of him. It just sort of happened. He pulled me closer to him. I lifted my head up and looked into his eyes. I was barely even able to see them because my vision was blurry. He put his free hand onto my cheek and softly placed his lips on mine. For some reason the kiss made me feel comforted. My world crumbled and here he is picking up the pieces. 

And I crash and I break down  
Your words in my head, knives in my heart  
You build me up and then I fall apart  
'Cause I'm only human  
\----------


	35. Take a step in

In another life  
I would be your girl  
We'd keep all our promises  
Be us against the world  
In another life  
I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say you were  
The one that got away  
The one that got away  
\----------

My eyes were pink and puffy. How do I go on while looking like this? Feeling the way I do? I want to be held by someone again. I need to be. I’m so f*cking pathetic. I don’t deserve to be standing here in my bedroom while Niko is stuck in the hospital. Why couldn’t I be the one to lay in that hospital bed? I felt the urge to punch the wall but I withdrew. I instead grabbed one of my pillows and squeezed it tightly into my chest. What do I even do?  
My phone got a notification and looked to see what it was. Akaashi.  
Akaashi: Hey how are you holding up?  
Me: i don’t have the strength to lie. i’m doing terribly   
Akaashi: I wish there was something I could do  
Me: don’t worry about it.   
Akaashi: Maya of course I’m going to be worried. I care about your wellbeing   
Me: Thank you Akaashi. Tbh I could use one of your hugs  
A few seconds went by before I saw that he was typing again  
Akaashi: Whenever I see you again I’ll make sure that you get one  
Me: Thank you again. I’ll see you soon  
Akaashi: Later

I stared at my messages with Akaashi. How did I come this far? Why didn’t it end yet? I shut my eyes forcingly. So much as happened. If I never decided to become their friends, who would I be right now? I groaned and left my bedroom. I couldn’t stand being in there anymore. As I was walking to the living room my phone started to ring. Maybe it was Akaashi again. I looked at the caller ID to see Sugawara’s name. He still has my phone number? Why is he calling me? I thought he didn’t want to speak to me. I put my phone back into my pocket.   
I sat down on the couch and my phone began to ring again. It was still Sugawara. I’m not picking up the phone. “Hey Maya” Alice was scratching her eye. “Hey Alice” I had my eyes to the floor. “What are you up to?” She questioned me. “Nothing much. I was just-” the phone rang for the third time. This time I declined it. “Anyway. I was just sitting around....” I rubbed my arm. “Well you know you have another therapist appointment coming up. Please try to not be so sarcastic” Alice pleaded. “I got my sarcasm from you” I mumbled. “Hmm what was that?” ALice crossed her arms. “Nothing” I rolled my eyes. My phone was buzzing again. I was getting text messages and another phone call.   
“Maya I think you better answer that. Who ever is trying to contact you must have something really important to tell or ask you” Alice suggested. I sighed and answered the phone.  
“Hello?” I spoke. “Maya what the f*ck?! You’re telling me you haven’t came to see Niko yet? What the f*ck are you thinking?! I know we have stuff going on with each other but they have nothing to do with her! I don’t understand how you haven’t come to visit Niko yet. You’re supposed to be her friend and she needs you here or are you just too stubborn to see that?! You better get your f*cking ass to the damn hospital. If the roles were reversed you know that without a second thought Niko would be by your side. Why don’t you have the same energy?” He hung up the phone.  
I was shaken. He was right. I shouldn’t be here sitting on this couch. I should be at the hospital with Niko. The one person who stuck by me since the beginning. I’m such a f*cking idiot. I put my phone inside my pocket and got up from the couch. “Alice I have to go somewhere. I’ll be back soon” I rushed out before she could respond to me. Niko I’m coming. 

I entered the hospital and was panting. I ran here, probably not the best idea but I don’t care. “Good to know you actually came” I heard Sugawara’s voice from the side of me. “I had to” I breathed out. He walked me to Niko’s family. “This is Niko’s mom” he introduced me to a plumped middle aged woman. The front of her hair had fresh grays growing in. I bowed. “This is Niko’s older sister Sakura” she was in her wheelchair. She smiled softly but I could tell it was to cover her sadness. I bowed to her too. “I’m Maya. I’m really sorry that we had to meet under these circumstances” I furrowed my eyebrows. “It is harsh that we had to meet like this but I’m glad I did. We heard so much about you” Mrs. Wantanabe said. Niko talked about me? I rubbed my arm. “Where’s Asahi?” I questioned. “He is in the room with Niko. I wanted to let everyone have alone time with her” Mrs. Wantanabe nodded.   
“I can show you where the room is” Sugawara stated. I don’t want him to but I don’t want to bother anyone else. “Okay.” He walked me to the elevator and pushed the button for the fourth floor. Sugawara has his arms crossed. I heard him take a deep breath in. “Listen I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you on the phone. I was just really frustrated. I don’t want to lose Niko” His voice shook during his last sentence. “I understand. It was really selfish of me to try and avoid coming here” I had my eyes to the flooring of the elevator. “Well you’re just afraid like the rest of us” His voice was soft. His voice was making me feel warm. I shook my head. No I shouldn’t feel like this. I looked at him and his eyes were teary. I furrowed my eyebrows at the sight of him. Why do I feel sympathetic? I sighed. “Sugawara… After all of this we need to talk. There’s way too much tension between us and we definitely should work out whatever misunderstandings there are” I spoke lightly. He couldn’t get any words out. All he did was nod. He was trying to hold his tears back.  
The elevator doors opened. “The room is to your left. It’s room 404” Sugawara stated. I guess he’s not going to walk me ll the way there. He waved and the elevator shut again. I turned to my left and walked until I found 404. I stood in front of the door and took a breath in. I stared at the door for a few seconds when I heard it opening. Asahi walked out of the room. “Oh hey Maya. Thank you for coming” Asahi’s nose was pink and his eyes were wet. “I just had to” I shrugged. He hugged me tightly. I widened my eyes, unexpecting this contact. I hugged him back. “Okay it’s your turn to go in there.” Asahi left. I entered the room.   
“Maya...you made it” her smile was weak. I immediately felt a sharp pain in my chest seeing her in this condition. She had to use a nasal cannula to help her breathe. Her eyes were droopy and she had dark circles around them. “Yeah Niko… I’m here” I tried to give her a smile back. “Thank you for coming..to see me.” I sighed. “Niko how come you would hide this from me?” I questioned her while holding my arm. “I-I didn’t want you to worry. Plus I didn’t think it was going to be this serious” Niko chuckled. Her chuckle was quiet. “I should have picked up on the signs sooner. I’m such an idiot” put my palm onto my forehead. “Maya don’t.. blame yourself.” How could I not? It should have been so obvious.   
I pulled up a chair and sat next to Niko. She smiled weakly at me. Her smile was never the same, I missed her huge smiles that brought positive vibes to anyone near her. I grabbed her hand and held it. I was the only one in the room. If it weren’t for Sugawara I wouldn’t be here right now. I feel terrible that he had to convince me to come here. “Maya...I remember that time we got ice cream together and I called you my best friend...you seemed like it meant...a lot” her voice was strained. She was having a difficult time speaking. “Of course it meant a lot to me. I never even imagined myself with friends...let alone a best friend” I gave her a sad smile. She looked away from me. “I was-” she coughed a dry cough. I picked up a cup and poured water into it. “Thank you and sorry about that...anyway, I used to be really...scared that you didn’t like me. That you wouldn’t want to be my friend” Niko let out. I felt a weight fall onto my chest. “Niko I never not liked you. I just preferred to not have any friends. But right now I wouldn’t trade you for anything in this world” My eyes started to feel wet. Niko looked at me but I refused to make eye contact with her.  
“Becoming your friend..was definitely one-one of the smartest decisions.. I’ve ever made” her voice was breathless. I chuckled depressingly. “I just hate...hate that I failed” Niko’s eyes transferred to the door of the hospital room. “What do you mean you failed?” My eyebrows lowered due to my confusion. “I wanted the last memory I ever made with you...be a happy one” her voice shook at the end. “Niko don’t say something like that! We’re going to continue to make amazing memories together!” I pleaded moving forward, my knee was touching the bed. She slowly moved her head to face me. Her usual joyful eyes were filled with sadness and remorse. I swallowed hard and my heart was pounding fast. The vitals machine was starting to beep slower. “Niko you can’t leave me. I need you. You mean so much to me...more than you could understand! More than I could understand” I said the last part under my breath realizing that I can’t see myself without my best friend. “Maya just please promise me...that you would remember that you...are worth so much more than you ever made yourself seem. We all know your worth...I just need you to see it too”. Her eyes were trained on me. How? How can I feel like I am worth anything when I’m watching my best friend slip away from my very eyes and there’s nothing I could do about it?   
“Niko...I love you” I admitted to her. She smiled a bit. “Maya you don’t have to..say that now”. I shook my head violently. “No Niko I needed you to hear it. And I’ll keep reminding you that I do for as long as we both shall live” I know my tone sounded aggressive but there was a lot of hurt in my voice. “Maya…” her voice was soft. “Maya...please look at me” I raised my head and saw her looking into my eyes. “Niko don’t you dare!” Her breaths were short but hard, she was struggling but I want her to heal. I need her to heal. “I just need to say...that I...love..you too” her eyes were drooping as she spoke until they closed and never opened again. “Niko? Niko!” I quickly turned my head to the vital machine. The line was straight and the beeping didn’t have any contrast. “Niko!” I grabbed her lifeless body and held her close to me. “I can’t lose you...I can’t lose you!” I screamed with heartbrokenness.  
I lost my best friend.


End file.
